


Cold Fire Rising 4: Crossfire

by BrightLotusMoon



Series: Cold Fire Rising [4]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Psychics/Psionics, Big Damn Heroes, Blood and Gore, Blood and Torture, Break the Cutie, Crossover, Dimension Travel, Medical Torture, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mikey Is An Iron Woobie, Neurodivergent Mikey, Psionic Sex, Psionics, Psychic Abilities, Psychic Bond, Psychic Violence, Tactile Telekinesis, Telekinesis, Telepathic Bond, Telepathic Sex, Telepathy, Torture, disabled mikey, psionic mikey, the turtles meet each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-09-22 09:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 56,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9601649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrightLotusMoon/pseuds/BrightLotusMoon
Summary: A random dimensional portal accident sends the four turtles to yet another dimension. One where their counterparts are darker and grittier, where Splinter was always a rat, where Shredder was an alien, and where a very creepy human named John Bishop just doesn't know when to quit. Mikey's psionic powers are put to the ultimate test when Bishop deems him the ultimate experiment.TMNT Universal Fanfiction Competition 2016: Winner, Second Place for Most Interesting Crossover





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TMNT Universal Fanfiction Competition 2016: Winner, Second Place for Most Interesting Crossover
> 
> (Author's Note: Okay, before we continue, I have some people to dearly thank!
> 
> To Ryo-chan wolfgirl, who came up with the whole idea in the first place, way back when I was working on "Ouroborous". I told her I'd work on it and put the idea aside as other stories pushed through. Ryo-chan wolfgirl waited kindly for months. We PMed back and forth. I owe this whole thing to her. Thanks, hon! I hope it lives up to your expectations.
> 
> To Celeste38, my officially unofficial beta and magnificent sounding board since "Ouroborous". We have had the most amazing conversations over the past few months, and her feedback, advice, and views have been absolutely invaluable. Thank you, darling, I love you.
> 
> To WinxPossible, who provided some of the best humorous advice and encouragement ever. Now I cannot stop thinking about the god Loki in sunglasses, binge drinking mead with a straw out of a goblet (that will happen, I promise, I'll get there probably in Chapter Three).
> 
> I never thought I would even write a 2003/2012 crossover, but really, it was too good to pass up. There are many fic authors who have done it magnificently, and while I know I won't live up to their brilliance, I will do the best I can. I certainly can claim a unique and original take on it, however.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the ride.)

Cold Fire Rising 4: Crossfire

When we first came here  
We were cold and we were clear  
With no colors on our skin  
We were light and paper-thin  
And when we first came here  
We were cold and we were clear  
With no colors on our skin  
'Til you let the spectrum in  
Say my name  
And every color illuminates  
We are shining  
And we will never be afraid again

"Spectrum" - Florence And The Machine

Like an unsung melody  
The truth is waiting there for you to find it  
It's not a blight, but a remedy  
A clear reminder of how it began  
Deep inside your memory  
Turned away as you struggled to find it  
You heard the call as you walked away  
A voice of calm from within the silence  
And for what seemed an eternity  
You're waiting, hoping it would call out again  
You heard the shadow reckoning  
Then your fears seemed to keep you blinded  
You held your guard as you walked away  
When you think all is forsaken  
Listen to me now (all is not forsaken)  
You need never feel broken again  
Sometimes darkness can show you the light

"The Light" - Disturbed

* * *

**Chapter One**

 

It was obnoxiously early. He grinned. His middle and youngest sons might say that too much. His youngest, much more often. It had become ingrained in his thinking. It was fine.

From the far corner of the dojo, he sat lotus style, gently widening his spiritual senses to cast over the whole space. The conversation, traveling through his ears, over his closed eyes, seemed far more entertaining this way.

A familiar soft grunt, then a louder groan, then an even louder moan with a whine at the end. "Yeah, okay, I am pretzeling as hard as I can. See? Look! I got this!"

A long, purposely exaggerated sigh. "Yes, your fingers are touching your toes. I want your hands flat on the floor."

"Slavedriver."

"Spoiled brat."

Splinter sensed them sticking their tongues out at each other and tried to not smile.

There was silence. The gasping and hitching of breath started; a new pose was beginning.

"Auuuu fuuuck, Leo, no, this one huuurts…"

"Do you need the leg braces again?"

"No! No, I swear, I got this! Just gimme a little… come on…damn arms, I just need that one twiiist AAAHHHH okay I got *pant* got it *pant* Ow."

Pause.

"Do you need the arm braces too?"

"Holy sewer apples, Leo, it's been two months, I'm fucking getting there."

Pause.

Silence.

Breathing, gasping.

Splinter's ears twitched.

"Donnie, can you help me move his legs into that therapy pose that we-"

"Donnie, don't come in here, I am _fine_ and I don't need the braces and I don't need help and my brain's already fixing it up so just let me…hey!"

Scuffling.

Michelangelo let out a growl. Splinter's nose twitched – it was both pain and stubbornness. More scuffling.

Raphael's voice. "Ohh, not this again. Want me to hold Mikey down while you put the braces on? Hell, I'll get the wheelchair again." A smirk in his voice, yes.

Pause.

"You're all traitors," Michelangelo grumbled, but softly. He sounded completely exhausted.

There was silence save for bodies moving, murmured sentences.

"There," Donatello was saying. "That feels better, doesn't it?"

Michelangelo sighed long and harsh. "You know, it was fun playing space age techno cripple at the beginning, but…"

"But you are still severely weakened, and the modifications Freya and I made to these will strengthen your vital organs, your muscles, and your nerves without added stress. Stop complaining, it is brilliant and genius and without it you wouldn't even be out of bed, let alone wheelchair. Don't make me get Karai."

"Karai, I can handle," came the soft reply. "She doesn't baby me."

"Karai is different," Leonardo said.

Splinter opened his eyes and lifted his head.

His four sons were in the center of the dojo near the tree. Michelangelo was lying flat on his carapace, the odd, confounding silver-white braces of silicone and plastic fitted to his legs from ankles to thighs, to his arms from wrists to biceps. Some sort of padding was taped to his upper plastron. Gel pads were affixed to his head at both temples. He was spread-eagled, in the middle of an exaggerated pouting miniature tantrum, right leg raised up, left leg straight on the floor but at a strange angle. Splinter had not even tried to understand the point behind the Mako family's medical devices; all he knew was that his baby was getting better and stronger in half the time, and so he endorsed whatever it was.

Donatello was crouched over him, smirking. "So, you're saying that if I poke both your knees hard, you won't scream in pain?"

The glance Michelangelo gave him was threatening. "You wouldn't."

"See? If you didn't hurt anymore, you'd let us poke you all day."

"Dude, I actually forgot how many joints I dislocated and how many bones I actually broke, okay? I admit it. You win. I just wanted to do yoga and kata in peace, without the braces, just to prove myself. Happy? Happy, Brain?"

"No, Bouncy, none of us are happy. People who wake up from six month comas generally don't have the stamina, power, or flexibility you do after two months in recovery. Which makes me think you are cheating and allowing the psionics to work overtime in a way that cannot be healthy. They need to rest and you need to rest, so get comfy in the braces and get in the wheelchair."

"But I'm booored."

"Here it comes," Raphael said.

"I can do it!"

Splinter let out a huffed chuckle as Raphael hooked his hands under Michelangelo's arms, hoisted him easily, and deposited him in the padded wheelchair. "Don't make me strap you in, brat."

"You guys suck. You know that, right? You suck."

"Shut up and make those pancakes for breakfast, gimpy."

Raphael took the handles and wheeled his pouting brother out of the dojo. Donatello followed, failing to hide his giggles.

Splinter walked up to Leonardo. "Ah, family."

"How long were you eavesdropping, Dad?" And Leonardo smirked at him.

Splinter lifted his chin. "I have excellent hearing, my son."

"Uh huh," and Leonardo quietly began another kata, which the rat watched carefully.

* * *

"Mikey, are you absolutely sure you don't want help? I could mix the batter, I could flip the pancakes…"

"Dee, darling brother dearest, I love you, but if you don't sit back down and let me work, I will banish you from touching my kitchen."

"Hah! Shows you, Donnie."

"Raph, take your hands off my wheelchair."

"What, no please?"

"Raph, take your hands off my wheelchair, you asshole."

"That's better."

Mike turned back to the sizzling pan, muttering about his family not even letting him stand to lean against the counter. He flipped the pan, two pancakes dancing like gymnasts before landing on a nearby plate. Donatello twitched, not caring that the same thing had been done twice already. He watched Michelangelo's wrists and elbows and shoulders, watched the rotation of his left arm from shoulder to fingers. Sure, the damage had healed in an insanely quick period, because the damn M'Kari psionics had worked literally overtime in eight months when it would have taken nearly two years, but he was still going to worry, damn it. He was allowed. Gaia would have said he was giving himself Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He no longer complained or fidgeted nervously when she came to give him telepathic therapy twice a week help him relax. His brothers were grateful; gone were the nervous tics, the twitching eye muscles, the hitched breaths. Raph had a session afterwards, shorter and simpler, and still teased him, his way of showing the deepest affections. Donatello merely smirked and reveled in the emotional aftereffects.

But he still watched his only baby brother like a hawk, because despite Mikey trying to dull that empathic link between them, Donnie still sensed it when he had sharp pains, when his nightmares overloaded him, when his sensory perceptions and processing overwhelmed.

"Breakfast is ready," Mikey said with a flourish, repeating it telepathically, broadcasting to Leo in the dojo. The oldest arrived stretching his neck muscles. Mike pointed at him and rotated his finger in the air a few times. As Leonardo was massaging his neck and shoulder, he suddenly sighed loudly and slumped in a chair. The twitching muscles visibly smoothed out.

"Thanks, little brother. I think I've earned my pancakes."

"Extra butter, then!" and Mikey gleefully smothered a plate with butter and maple syrup, which floated to Leo's spot.

They all ate in happy silence, scraping their plates empty.

* * *

One month later:

Mikey was spinning in one of the lab chairs, humming. Donatello had gotten multiple chairs, specifically so his brothers could stop perching on his desks and tables.

"What's that?" Mikey pointed, sounding highly distracted. And suddenly Don realized he had completely forgotten.

"Mikey, you took your medicine, right?"

"Yup!"

"Including that anti-seizure tea?"

Yup!"

"…and that chocolate high-caffeine coffee I made for you?"

"…oh. Nope. You want some?"

"Sure. Yes, please. Go. Go get some before you leave footprints on the ceiling."

Mikey didn't move. He sat ramrod straight, hands pressed against his thighs drumming, both feet tapping a rhythm. Donnie watched out of the corner of his eye, noticing the left hand moving a fraction slower, but Gaia and Rhea said it would happen, with acquired dyspraxia and hemiparesis, and Don berated himself every single day that he could not do anything, something; until that therapy session last week where Gaia had kissed him to shut him up and told him that no one could do anything, except maybe the M'Kari psionics and Neural Mike, and maybe even those mental coping mechanisms taking on the forms of Apollo and Hecate.

The smell of coffee and hot chocolate drifted from the kitchen. Two twenty-ounce mugs floated steadily in and slid onto Don's main desk. One contained ice, which Mikey took and sipped from loudly. Donatello looked him over: No braces, no bandages, but certain muscle groups spasmed every now and then…

"Get out of that dark part of your head, Dee," Mikey said loudly, smacking his lips. "I'm not even listening and I can hear it. I bet Gaia's gonna start charging you by the hour if you keep…y'know, ruminating."

Donnie frowned. "I mean, I'm happy to update her laptop and tablet and stuff…"

"Plus maybe sex."

Don spluttered, coffee dribbling down his chin.

"Mikey!"

A cheeky grin. "Oh, come on. I see her dancing in your head. I mean, she can't actually move like that. But sweet, dude."

"Mikey, please just drink your coffee quietly. Your polyamorous pansexual girlfriend is here for my psychotherapy, not more comfort sex."

Shrugging, Michelangelo downed the rest of his coffee and let out a sigh. "Fine, go work on your equations and your data. Can I check out this pile of junk over here?"

"I guess so. It's leftover Kraang technology."

"Oh, even better! I get to be Crazy Backwards King!"

"I…Mikey, with the Kraang gone, I don't think it will even work."

"Eh, you never know if Primey is hiding out. Or has some direct link."

Donnie sighed. Mike's imagination reached the most bizarre and fascinating places.

Mikey began to launch his chair at the pile when his T-Phone rang, singing "The Whole Of The Moon" by Mike Scott And The Waterboys. Mike used that ringtone for one person only.

"Kitten!" he crowed, phone to his ear, chair still spinning. "Wazzup, my love of loves?"

A few minutes later, he shut off the phone and grinned at Donnie upside down. "Gaia's coming over. She found a thing she wants you to look at."

"Just a thing?"

"A technology thing. See, her palsy physical therapist – who's also an anthropologist – found it on a dig, and Gaia said she knew a guy, and of course the guy was you, so bam."

"Interesting connections." But Mike was already poking through the haphazard pile, telekinetically floating bits of metal. "Oh, I recognize this…hey, that's from when…wow, Don, how'd you get this one?" And it continued, until there was the click of turnstiles and footsteps on the stairs, and Mike went flying out of the lab.

Don followed, smiling softly, and when he saw Mikey with Gaia in his arms, nuzzling her head and neck like the most content joyful puppy in the world, he grinned. Gaia Mako, deceivingly human, was laughing like bells, her waist-length black hair tucked behind her pointed furred ears, a v-slit cut into the back of her leggings to accommodate her calico tail, which was happily twitching. She was covering Michelangelo's head in kisses, cat-like nose twitching lightly. They were approximately the same height, and Mikey was rubbing his large hands up and down her feline curved spine like they belonged there. Gaia's cane, bright blue with silver ribbons, had fallen to the floor, and Donatello picked it up; the noise finally brought the lovers out of their enthusiastic hug and they looked at him.

"Hello, there, Donnie!" and Gaia put her arms around his waist and stood on tip-toe to kiss his cheek warmly. He blushed. Hugging her was different from hugging April; Gaia put everything into an embrace and held on tight, as though she could transfer her very energy through intense touch – well, she could, she was a very powerful telepath, but still. He found himself nuzzling her half-feline ear, breathing in the scent of her mocha shampoo. It was a scent that took him all the way back to when the turtles were recovering from the final battle with Shredder, and he immediately relaxed.

She grinned widely and pressed her lips to his in a sweet, barely-there peck. "So, I have a thing I think you'll like."

Breathing in the taste of cinnamon lip gloss, he smiled. "So I heard." He led them back to the lab, noticing how Gaia held her cane lightly when Mikey had his arm around her waist.

From her large shoulder bag, Gaia pulled out a gleaming cylinder in ocean blue, rusted at the edges. There were various buttons in various shapes. "My therapist said that's not from Earth and it's mostly likely thousands of years old. He actually didn't want anyone else at the dig to see it, because the society is still reeling from the Kraang and Tricetraton invasions, and he knew that I had friends involved in the war. So." Gaia clasped her hands and twisted her fingers. She was starting to rock back and forth. Don hurried to reassure her autistic worrying. "I really, really appreciate you bringing it to me, Gaia. This is fantastic. Really." And after a few long breaths she stopped rocking, and Mikey's embrace tightened and he kissed the side of her head.

Donnie carefully placed the cylinder on one of the tables less cluttered and grabbed his sticky notes, writing out "Unknown Potential Alien Tech" – which made the other two giggle.

Don sat down on that table's chair, picking up each piece of metal and examining it, separating the ones with notes from the ones without.

He began to tune out everything else. It wasn't until he turned around and saw Mike and Gaia with electrodes attached to their bodies and brainwave headbands around their skulls that he came to reality.

"What are you two doing?"

Gaia widened her feline eyes and let the pupils dilate as much as possible. "Gathering neurobiological data."

Donnie sighed; her kitten eyes were worse than Mikey's puppy eyes. "Are you going to have sex in the lab again?"

"D'you want us to?" Mikey asked with a wide cheeky grin.

"It'll be really telekinetic, I promise," Gaia said. "You'll have so much data."

Don folded his arms and tilted his head. Gaia and Mike stared at each other, silent for several minutes, and suddenly laughed.

"Okay," Mike said out loud, "but I'll step back."

"It'll just be a little," Gaia said. "For science."

Mikey pumped his fist and yelled "Science!"

"Now what?" Don asked.

"Just come here," Gaia said, holding out her arms, and in was in those seconds that Mikey cheerfully yanked her shirt over her head and her leggings down her hips.

One hour later, as the three of them attempted to scan the new cylinder artifact, Donatello kept sighing and stretching out his neck and legs.

"Awww, he's still glowing," Mikey grinned. "Good for him."

"Before, during, after…a nice record," Gaia added, switching out screwdrivers.

Donnie said nothing, merely basked in the residual energy of two telepaths deliberately releasing bursts of energy at once.

"Bet he's so de-stressed he'll start singing," Mike said. Don whipped his head up and glared.

There was a knock at the lab doors. Mike unlocked them without moving. Leo and Raph strolled in, stopping inches away from the table, eyes narrowing. "Did something psionic happen in here?" "Leo asked.

"Yup," Mike and Gaia said.

"…did it involve you guys doing fun things?"

"Yup!"

"And you didn't call us?" Raph grumbled.

"It was spontaneous," Donnie said with a shrug.

"There is a lot of telekinetic residue in the air," Leonardo observed. "Even I can feel it. Donnie, it's all over these pieces of tech. What's that?"

"Gaia brought it over," Don explained. "It doesn't appear to be Kraang, or Triceraton, but you never know. There are plenty of aliens and weird scientists running around with all sorts of technology."

"I'm going to get drinks for everyone," Gaia said, and pulled Mikey's head toward hers for a long deep kiss. "Be right back. Make sure nothing explodes."

"All is well," he smiled, watching her leave.

"Okay, I think it's fixed." Don set the cylinder down, and the four turtles gathered around it.

It shouldn't have happened.

It did.

Later, Donatello would blame all the telekinetic energy crackling around the lab.

Lights flashed. The cylinder expanded to Donatello's height. It stretched into energy, forming a rectangular portal that swirled dark blue.

"Well," Raphael muttered, "I don't think we were expecting any of that."

Michelangelo half-turned to the lab doors when a burst of light shot out and wrapped around his waist. "Ah, shit."

Three more bursts, like arms of energy, enfolded the others.

"Oh, yay," Donnie muttered, "adventure time."

The last thing they saw was Gaia and Splinter in the doorway, looking horrified, and then darkness.

* * *

The darkness became blue, and more blue, and they found themselves tumbling, shoved through a doorway, and painfully deposited on a floor. A collective "OW!" rumbled through the pile of limbs and shells.

"Nggh…" Raph opened one eye, and saw blurry tables piled with junk. "I have a feeling we're not in Kansas."

"Still New York, actually," a voice said, slightly echoing. "Still the lair, in fact. Just our lair. You must be new. We've already met all our other dimensional counterparts."

As the turtles rolled off each other and stood up, they found themselves staring at Donatello. Large, dark, very solid and muscular Donatello with gray-green eyes. He stood a head taller than Donnie. His voice was lower pitched, but the purple eye mask and bo staff on his back did it.

"Ohh, you have got to be kidding," Donnie mumbled.

Big Don blinked and looked them up and down. "I'm really, really not. Hi, kids. Welcome to my lab."

Raph was still adjusting to the odd lighting, Leo was very carefully looking around, and Mikey was uncharacteristically quiet, hands clasped at his waist.

"Don?" a voice called. "What was all that noise? You didn't open another dimensional portal, did you?"

"Nah, but they did."

And there was Leonardo, same height as Donatello, with even more muscle, streamlined, with hazel eyes. He merely looked at the new arrivals, his expression neutral.

"Ooh!" a cheerful voice called out, "what'd we miss?" And Michelangelo and Raphael were there, Raphael an inch or two taller with Michelangelo a few inches shorter, muscles long and slender, the musculature of a gymnast, an athlete. Raphael was so powerfully bulky he could have benched pressed all four of them. His amber-gold eyes widened, then narrowed, then rolled. "Really?" he muttered. "Really? Weren't we done with this after all those Shedders?" and the Brooklyn accent was strong.

Michelangelo, grinning like it was everyone's birthday, patted his shoulder and winked. "Come on, Raphie, it'll be fun," and his deep blue eyes sparkled. "At least we're not fighting for our lives again."

Big Leo merely folded his arms and stared straight into Leo's sapphire eyes, which stared back unblinkingly.

"You," Big Leo said in a rich voice, "have some explaining to do."

"Indeed," and Master Splinter was there, shorter than any of the host counterparts, fur wild and gray. "Yet I sense no harmful intent. Our guests are confused, and frustrated. Perhaps we should all sit down in the main room and share our stories."

Mikey's head snapped up, baby blue eyes sparkling, and his hands went from white-knuckled to waving. "I love stories!"

Everyone turned to him.

"Awww!" Big Mike grinned even wider, "He's adorable!" And Mikey grinned sunnily.

Everyone else facepalmed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 2012 Turtles are in the world of the 2003 Turtles. It gets weird.

Chapter Two

The conversation went on for many hours, interrupted by shouts and mutters and the occasional cup of tea or coffee being knocked over.

…

"I still can't believe you're twenty!"

…

"You guys are sixteen, you're still just kids!"

…

"…wait, what do you mean your Shredder was an Utrom alien criminal? Wait, you chopped off his head?"

…

"So, wait, like, the Kraang is—are—a faction of the Utrom?"

…

"Hang on hang on, why again is April an Utrom hybrid? Sorry, Kraang? And a teenager?"

…

"No, Casey's still obnoxious, he's just in his teens."

…

"Man, I am so sorry, a teenage Casey sounds like a nightmare."

…

"Whoa, hang on, I still can't get over how Splinter used to be Hamato Yoshi. And Karai is his freakin daughter."

…

"So, how did you get all these scars, anyway?"

…

"I'll tell you if you'll tell yours."

In the fifth hour, both Michelangelos hurried to the kitchen to prepare dinner. Mikey gazed around in pure awe, his eyes glittering. "Dude. Dude. Are you kidding me? I dream of having this kind of kitchen.

Host Michelangelo chuckled and began preparing pizza dough. "Guess I shouldn't take it for granted then, huh? Here, you can help me make this go faster."

Mikey bit his lip and let out a little squeal. Taking a deep breath, he put his suddenly small hands next to the calloused, sea-green hands of his counterpart, inhaling. The psionics stirred sleepily and he pushed them down, hiding his fists in kneading the dough. He had already accidentally flooded himself with new information when they fell through the portal and it hurt. Plus there was no need to confuse everyone this early with a psychic show.

"You okay, Little Me? You're kinda…pale. Got a headache?"

He gave a megawatt smile. "Well, I dunno 'bout you, but dimension-hopping kinda does that."

"True!" Big Mike reached into a cabinet and pulled out a bottle of aspirin. "Will these help?"

"Yeah, boy! Thanks!" As Mikey grabbed a glass for water, he glanced at the cupboard. "Y'know, we should really have a first aid kit in our kitchen."

"Here, spin it. I'm surprised you don't, what with you bein' the only chef. Is it true your Leo made enemies with the toaster?"

"Is it true yours burns water?"

The pizza, six cheese and perfect, was served and devoured with noises of joy. Raph commented that at least there were no jelly beans, and Big Raph commented that he wouldn't mind that.

"Speaking of…" Donnie finished his third slice and looked pointedly at Mikey.

"Wha?" Mikey's mouth was full. He swallowed, and looked right back at Donnie, and the psionics surged forth and his surface mind opened. "Oh. Oh, you mean. Um. Yeah. That. Um."

"It's the only thing we haven't discussed," Donnie prompted, hands clasped now.

"Hm? What is?" And Big Mike frowned, quickly licking up the cheese on his chin. All eyes were on Mikey now, who was fidgeting and biting his lip.

"What's the deal, Freckles?" Big Raph asked, but gently.

Big Leo, who was sitting on the couch with Mikey and Big Don, leaned in to look at him, eyes soft. "Shall I assume it has something to do with the massive scars on your leg and plastron?"

Mikey closed his eyes and sighed. "Yeah…sort of. I. Um."

Raph had narrowed his eyes. "Mikey, I can feel you holding it back, that's worse than pushing it too much."

"Okay! Okay, okay." With a deep breath, Mikey opened his eyes stared down at the table in the middle of the couches. It rose up without a wobble, spun three times, and landed without a sound.

The larger turtles stared, mouths open.

"Oh," Big Leo said.

"Whoa," Big Raph said.

"Impressive," Big Don noted.

"Awesome!" Big Mike grinned.

Letting out a breath – and a soothing swell of energy from his subconscious to his open mind – Mikey smiled gratefully.

"Story time!" he said, and tried to keep his voice from shaking.

"Okay," Donnie was saying. "So, these lights embedded in the walls, they help power everything…"

"Because of the Y'lantians, yes," Big Don supplied.

"…so, would that affect Mikey's psionics in any way? Because they're originally alien, and he's got a headache…"

Big Don patted Mikey's knee reassuringly. "I don't think so. It's most likely disorientation. Did the aspirin help?"

Mikey nodded, smiling genuinely. After he had told the entire story – from handling the green stone to killing Shredder – he had expected disbelief and uncertainty. What he hadn't expected was all four counterparts rushing at him to hug him and for host Mike and host Don to cry a little. Leonardo had whispered "If that had happened to our Mikey, I would have lost it, I…you're incredible…"

And Mikey had realized that releasing the psionics would be all right after all.

And when he had, those alien lights had flickered a little before glowing just a little brighter.

Older Raph, with his arm tight around Mikey's small shoulders, grinned at the youngers. "So I guess he's pretty important to you guys, huh?"

"He's precious," Donnie confirmed, drawing a deep blush from Mikey.

"How bad does he prank you?"

Raph grinned sharply. "The worst. He's a little shit."

"Haaa! I knew it, he's worse than you!" And Older Raph pointed at Older Mike, who merely smiled beatifically.

"Well," and Big Mike winked at Mikey, "he is young. We needed time to perfect the routines."

"Speak for yourself," Mikey sniffed. "My water balloon game is perfectly on point."

Leo facepalmed. "Please tell me you don't have any—" And a water balloon splashed into his face. "—on you."

"Where do you keep them?" Donnie cried.

"Takin' that secret to my grave, bros. Just like the question to 42."

Both Donatellos stared at him. "You mean, what's the answer to life, the universe, and everything?"

Mikey frowned at them. "Pizza gyoza, duh."

Big Mike leaned forward, eyes huge. "You made pizza gyoza? For real, dude?"

"Well, not us. Mr Murakami! He owns a noodle shop and he makes pizza gyoza just for us! He can't see but he knows who we are and he lets me hug him." Smiling wistfully, Mikey flopped back. "He's so cool. Wish more humans were as nice. I just want to love everybody and have so many friends."

An odd expression flickered across Big Mikey's face, and Mikey's telepathy perked up. But his counterpart seemed to have layers and layers of rough darkness below his surface thoughts, which were mainly about jokes, comics, video games, annoying his brothers more than Mikey himself would dare, and replays of his grudge match in that multiverse tournament thing. Mikey didn't push. He wasn't exactly sure how similar they were, but if host Mikey used masks the way he did, they should be versatile and removable, right? But that weird block indicated that they were so firmly attached they might be permanent. Inwardly, Mikey frowned. No, this Mike was not like him. He'd have to talk to him. At least maybe over comics. Or video games. Or…

"Heeey, mutants!" a gruff voice echoed through the lair. Splinter rolled his eyes. Big Don chuckled.

"Hi, April! Hi Casey!" Big Mikey called cheerily. All four smaller turtles turned to the entrance of the lair.

To their credit, none showed their startled surprise at seeing Casey and April grown up and wearing wedding rings. Not even Donnie. Although Mikey did catch him biting his lip. Easy, bro, he sent on a private thread, not even our universe here.

Donnie's gaze barely shifted to him. The two humans had stopped short, mouths open.

"Sooo…" Casey made a vague encompassing gesture with one arm. "Clones? Aliens? Dimensonal counterparts?"

"Dimensional counterparts," Big Leo supplied. "We're still figuring out exactly what triggered the portal and how it ripped open in Don's lab."

Inwardly, Mikey cringed. He glanced again at Donnie, who was again biting his lip. They hadn't even mentioned the telekinetic residue. Or the…build-up…that led to it. How were they going to explain those details? He stumbled to his feet when he saw Leo stand, Raph behind him, Donnie following. They moved toward April and Casey, and Mikey did his best to stay relaxed and loose.

"Oh, wow," April said, a huge smile on her face. Oh, wow, you're…you're so cute!"

Leo blinked.

"Like…you're little!" Casey hovered his hand in the air, palm down. "Man, you're all shorter than me!"

The turtles looked at each other.

"I'm so sorry," April gasped, "I don't mean to…but…wow, are those freckles?" And then she was right in front of Mikey, her green eyes wide and her expression so gentle he found himself entranced. Something about her was motherly; he wanted to fall into her arms.

"Hi," he stammered, and his customary wide grin stretched across his face on its own. "Hi, April."

"Hi, Mikey," she said softly.

"I never really knew our mom," he blurted out, and slapped his hands over his mouth.

His brothers turned, wide eyed. April blinked.

"Sorry!" he said. "Sorry! Um. Master Splinter, he was Hamato Yoshi, and he and Tang Shen had a daughter, and Shredder killed Shen and kidnapped Miwa and she's now Karai and we went back in time and met them and Tang Shen gave me cucumbers and I miss her and…"

He found himself wrapped in a pair of warm arms, his head on her shoulder. "It's okay," April said, and her laughter was like a brook. "We can sit down and you can explain. Your life sounds incredibly interesting. And here I just came down to bring movies and new comic books."

He decided right then that he loved her.

This time, Donnie managed to bring up videos and photos, with help from Big Don, and the rest of the story was told. Casey muttered about his teenage self's lack of teeth, while April was both puzzled and fascinated by her counterpart's inhuman origin. When it came to watching Donnie's early infatuation, April giggled and elbowed Big Donatello, who groaned and muttered "It was years ago, come on!" which caused Donnie to swing his head around and demand, "Wait, you two had a thing?"

The host Leo, Raph, and Mike laughed, while host Don rolled his eyes.

Big Raph grinned widely. "Mhm, we do have some experience with that."

April flushed, giggling, and Big Don slapped his forehead. "Stop it, you guys, I grew out of it!"

Donnie licked his lips. "But...I mean...you had a crush on her, right?"

Big Don made a see-saw gesture. "Not…quite…sort of…maybe? We were all kind of infatuated in the beginning, she was the first human woman we'd met. It was natural. And she and I fell into this rhythm. We had common interests."

"I was Baxter Stockman's assistant, after all," April said, "I knew my way around technology and then some."

"Is he a fly here?" Raph asked.

"Actually, he's a brain and an eye in a jar." Big Don rubbed the back of his neck.

"Uhhh…"

"Yeah, long story."

"Oh wow, Sensei…" and Big Leo gestured at the screen, "look how tall you are there. Well, it makes sense, if that Splinter was Yoshi to begin with…"

Video of Karai was featured, and all the host counterparts tensed, before tilting their heads almost in unison, watching Karai hug Splinter warmly, fight alongside Leo, giggle at Mikey's dancing.

"Our Karai was nothing like that," Big Raph said in slight awe.

"She just wanted us dead," Big Leo added.

As the videos went on, there was laughter.

"Are you saying you had a pet tortoise—you did! Hah!"

"Hey! Spike was awesome! He's still awesome, even as Slash."

"So where's your Leatherhead?"

"There!" and Mikey happily pointed to the next scene, featuring himself gathered in the giant alligator's arms.

"Wow," Big Don said. "I guess he's not the scientist he is in ours."

"Nope! Kraang experiment." Leo smiled. "Mikey saved him. He was the only one who saw the good and the hope. They're best friends."

Mikey wiggled in joy. His senses picked up an odd emotional blip, and he cautiously cast out before realizing it was his own counterpart. Michelangelo had his eyes fixated on the screen, mouth in a frown. Mikey didn't dare turn his head. Something was troubling his counterpart, but it was under one of those layers. He made a note to figure it out later.

Once the videos were over, more food was had. Casey gave Michelangelo his comics, and Mikey watched his counterpart light up. He immediately opened one and began reading. With a smile, Mikey finished his meal. Things were probably fine.

Splinter stood and announced, "I would normally have my sons engage in sparring at this time, but perhaps our guests would like to try in our dojo?"

They sectioned off with the Mikeys against the Donnies and the Raphs against the Leos. As Splinter called for the battle to start, Mikey began with some of his flashier moves right away, hoping to distract and disorient. Big Mike caught his eye, and with a huge grin, also began showboating. The two Donatellos exchanged eyerolls and launched the first attack; Mikey applied capoeira and Mike whirled in a complex headspin that left the bo weilders flat. After several rounds, it was clear both Donnies were starting to get exasperated with the tricks and dance moves. Donnie charged at Big Mikey, and Mikey caught a precognitive flash of a painful strike to the jaw. Out of pure instinct his mind reached out and speared straight for his counterpart.

MIKE, DUCK, HE'S AIMING FOR YOUR JAW!

And suddenly the room fell silent as the bigger Michelangelo screamed, grabbing his head and crumbling to the floor.

Big Don dropped his bo. "Mikey!"

And Donnie and Mikey exchanged scared looks, as Mikey whipped around and saw his brothers staring in worry, while in the same slow motion instant, Big Raph roared and leaped across the room, sliding onto his knees next to his unconscious brother, teeth bared.

"Ohh shiit, I messed up," Mikey mumbled, and suddenly all eyes were on him.


	3. Chapter 3

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you." ― Elbert Hubbard

Chapter Three

* * *

Big Raphael rose to his feet, amber eyes snapping, the snarl in his throat rumbling through the dojo. Everyone else was frozen, mouths open, silent.

Mikey held his ground, his eyes flitting from the crumbled form of his counterpart to the stalking form of his brother's counterpart. Teeth bared, fists clenched, shoulders tense, and the growl turned into "What did you do to my brother?" before Mikey could explain.

He took one step back and raised his hands. Energy sparked inside his head, through his eyes, down his arms, out his palms. The growl turned into a startled gasp. The predatory stomp paused. "What the fuck are you doing to me?"

"Telekinesis, remember?" Mikey breathed, and he could _feel_ the glow in his eyes. "I won't hurt you if you don't hurt me…"

There was movement behind the larger Raph. "Nnnfff…" And the larger Michelangelo sat up, head in his hands, panting.

"Mike?" And the larger Donatello sprinted and crouched next to him, hands flitting over his head and body. The larger Leonardo walked calmly over to his still-snarling brother, quiet and calculating.

Mikey's brothers all came to stand behind him, thighs and biceps tense, prepared to spring.

Mikey lowered his hands. His eyes stopped glowing. Big Raph whirled around and dropped to his knees in front of his younger brothers. They were murmuring, and then abruptly, Michelangelo said loudly, "Stop, stop it, I'm fine! My head just…just hurts a little!" He shakily got to his feet. Big Raph pointed at Mikey. "If he's hurt you, I'm gonna-"

"Enough!" both Donatellos called, and looked at each other. Again, in unison, they said, "to the lab." Donnie grabbed Mikey's elbow. Host Donatello did the same to host Michelangelo. Everyone else followed wordlessly, because there was nothing else to say.

* * *

Both Mikes sat on a table, legs swinging. Electrodes were fitted to their skulls. April smiled and caressed Mikey's cheek as she applied a gel pad over his scar on his right temple. He leaned into her hand, letting out a soft trilling sound. He sensed Casey rolling his eyes and instinctively stuck out his tongue. Casey folded his arms.

Big Don looked at the monitor with a casual frown, while Donnie stared in sheer awe. "Your whole lab is incredible! How long did it take to set everything up?"

"You mean in this lair?" Big Don shrugged. "A few days. I mean, Leatherhead helped." He inspected his fingernails as he typed on one of the keyboards.

"Oh, wow," Elder April murmured. "Some of their brainwaves are starting to match up." She looked at Big Mike, then Mikey. "Mike – my Mike – how are you feeling?"

Big Mike scratched his head, frowning. "I…I'm not sure? Like something's clicked inside my brain. Like there's brand new stuff that I've never felt before. It's a little bit like having new thoughts."

Big Raph said, under his breath, "About time."

Raph stepped toward him, green eyes snapping. "What was that?"

"Hey, he's _my_ brother, I get to tease him!"

Raph hissed suddenly. Leo grabbed him by the shoulder. "Okay, none of that. We really do not need a Raph on Raph fight."

"That would be amazing," both Michelangelos giggled in unison, then grinned at each other.

"Besides," Donnie muttered, still staring at the monitor, "it's not like we don't tease our Mikey a little too often."

At that, Mikey dropped his head and looked at his scarred hands. Abruptly, Big Leo was there, arms around him, shoulder pressing against Mikey's chin. "Try not to let it hurt too much, kiddo. I can sense the potential in you, same as my Mikey. We tease because we love him. You. Um. We just want that potential to be applied, we don't want it to go to waste."

Mikey, put his hands on Big Leo's biceps and just nodded. A voice filled his head, a little loud, a little shaky: _Leo never really knows how to comfort us, y'know?_

Mikey blinked and pulled away, then shot a glance at his counterpart and smiled. _Mine is like that too. Leader first, brother second. Also, you need to tone it down a little. It's like you're echoing._

"Sorry," Big Mike said aloud. "This is really new, that's all."

"I'll help ya figure it out, dude. 'sides, it's kind of fun. Kind of weird."

"What the fuck?" from Big Raph.

Big Mike grinned widely. He tapped the side of his head. "Telepathy, bro!"

Big Don and April gasped. "Would you look at that," Donatello said," the brainwaves completely synched. That's fantastic."

"So, what does this mean?" Leo asked. Big Leo just nodded.

Big Mike kept grinning. "I guess it means we're in each other's heads! To a degree." He slung his arm over Mikey's shoulders. Mikey felt one of the layers in Big Mike's mind begin to crack, and quickly pulled back.

"I…I should teach you shields and blocks and stuff," he said. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched his brother Raph fold his arms and frown. _Raph, I'm sorry, I really do need to block you. Stop pouting. This isn't about you._

Raph's green eyes narrowed, and he sighed. _Fine, but you owe me. I meant what I said last year._

_I know, I know, you'd never let me go. This isn't letting go, it's workin around. I screwed up; I don't know how much this will…you know, affect our counterparts. Or how long it'll last. I need to fix it. Or make it go away. I don't think I can leave him like this._

Leo looked between them and frowned. Mikey pinched the skin between his eyes and slid Leo into the private thread. Leo heard the echoes of the discussion and nodded. _It's best that we find a solution. I don't know if Michelangelo would know how to handle M'Kari telepathy, especially if we return to our dimension and you are still connected. I mean, at best, he just stays psychic. At worst…it could damage his mind._

 _Way to be cheerful, Leo,_ Raph grumbled.

 _First, we need to figure out how to even get home._ And Raph and Leo almost jumped when Donnie's mind interjected. Mikey mentally shrugged. _You'll figure it out Dee. There's two of you now, plus April! And in the meantime I can try to contact Master Splinter, or Gaia, let them know we're all right._

"Who is Gaia?" Big Mike asked, and the smaller turtles all yelped.

"How much of that did you hear?" Raph asked.

Big Mike blinked. "You were tryin to figure out how to get home and there were two Donnies, and then you – Little Me – said you'd try to contact your Splinter or Gaia."

Mikey and his brothers mentally let out sighs of relief. The larger turtles just stared at them.

"She's my girlfriend," Mikey said. "I didn't think it was important. She's a telepath."

Big Raph's jaw dropped. "You have a girlfriend? You? Seriously?"

Mikey glared at him. "She started out as my best friend. She got mutated into part cat. We…" He paused. His brothers blinked and then all raised eyeridges. "She's part of the reason we're here anyway." He bit his lip. "She brought over a weird alien artifact. It turned out to be a dimensional portal. We—she and I—left telekinetic energy all over the lab and it activated the portal." He felt his face heat up and looked at the floor, swinging his feet.

"Huh," Big Don mused. "How do two people leave telekinetic energy all over a room?"

Mikey shrugged. "Just, um, playing around…"

"You're blushing," April noted. She blinked. "Wait, were you…having sex?"

Mikey squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. Donnie coughed and bit his lip.

Casey's eyes widened. "Dude, Don, were you in it too? Sweet!"

"I don't get it," Big Leo said.

April was covering her mouth to keep from laughing. Casey just bent at the waist and chuckled loudly.

Big Don and Big Raph, wearing deeply puzzled expressions, looked from Mikey to Donnie. "No, really," Big Don said, "what happened?"

Donnie looked at the ceiling and groaned. "Ah…do you know about polyamory?"

"Yep," Big Raph said, "Casey decided to regale us all one day on various human sex stuff." He paused. His golden eyes widened. "Wait a sec…ohhhh. Ohhh, maaan. Really? Really? He approached Mikey, hand up. "High three, kid!"

Still flushed, Mikey obliged, as each counterpart murmured "Ohh" and smiled.

Big Mike was staring at Mikey, wide-eyed. "Oh, shit, dude. Oh shit, I can see it. Mike and his girl were hooked up to monitors so Donnie could study their psychic brain parts, and then kitty girl got Donnie after Mikey and there was psychic energy going everywhere…and then there was this, like, psychic explosion!"

Both Mikey and Donnie covered their faces.

"So," Big Don said in a deadpan voice, but with a smirk, "The psionic residue from all that intense energy spilling out into the atmosphere triggered the portal…"

Donnie and Leo coughed loudly. Big Don, April, and Casey merely smiled broadly.

Mikey just let out a huge sigh, as his counterpart elbowed him and then gently slapped him on the shell. "You go, Little Me."

"Can…can we get back to figuring out how to get us home?" Donnie squeaked, flushing furiously. His counterpart winked at him.

"Also," Big Mike said loudly, "Raphie and Leo did it with her, but in the spirit plane. For comfort. While Mikey was in a coma."

Leo made a sound somewhere between a "yipe" and an "eep" and Raph glared daggers. April and Casey laughed. "Okay, I wanna hear that story," Casey declared, and Raph growled. Big Raph slapped him on the shoulder. "Relax, Little Raph, it's all good. Really. We'll stop teasin' ya." He looked over at Mikey. "Can't believe you killed Saki, Freckles. Sorry to hear about the coma. Must've been hell."

Inhaling deeply, Mikey lifted his head. "I got better. I'm better. Just…sometimes there's pain."

"We don't have your leg braces," Leo said, face neutral again. "We'll need more physical therapy."

"Uuuugghh. Can't I just, like, psychic myself normal?"

"Nope. That's cheating. And you'll burn yourself out eventually. And self-healing will hurt even more. And you damn well know that."

Casey's brow furrowed. "I don't get it."

Mikey and Donnie quickly explained the seizures and chronic pain, and Casey's face crumbled into a sympathy that Mikey wasn't even sure was possibly in any Casey Jones.

"I get that," Casey said softly. "Broke my hip once. Physical therapy wasn't fun at all."

April had walked over and placed a soft hand on Mikey's arm. "And using up energy to heal so much damage can't be healthy." Mikey looked up at her, and the way she smiled gently entranced him. "You know," April said, "I've got a lot of experience helping the guys heal from injuries. I could help you…"

And he was nodding vigorously with a ridiculous smile on his face, and he barely heard the eye-rolling snort from his Raphael.

 _There ya go, Little Me_ , and Big Mike's mental voice was softer now, though still boisterous, _We will take good care of you while we figure out a way back for you. And a way outta this connection. Unless there is no way. Which is cool with me, really. I can sense my bros now. I don't think we should tell them yet._

Mikey widened his eyes as he glanced at his counterpart, who grinned and winked.

They had a lot of work to do.

* * *

Splinter announced that it was time for bed. April and Casey said their goodbyes. The four smaller turtles were given an extra guest room, with their own futons. As Mikey curled up under his blanket, he wondered if Ice Cream Kitty was missing him yet.

Suddenly, the door to the room creaked open a little wider. Raph mumbled and grunted before falling back asleep. Mikey stayed on his back, sensing the wordless mental signature and the loud intrigued purr. An orange tail, straight up in a feline sign of welcome and happiness, brushed against his face. Carefully, the small cat climbed onto his plastron and touched its nose to his beak. Mikey smiled. _Hey there,_ he projected. The cat trilled and purred even louder. _Mike named you Klunk, huh? Hi, Klunk. You wanna be my bedmate tonight?_ And the small orange cat vibrated from nose to tail tip, then curled up right below the scars on his upper plastron. Mikey placed both hands on Klunk's warm body, and the purring sent him drifting off.

* * *

In the gigantic room with the gigantic couches and the gigantic flatscreen television, Loki pointed his fifth goblet of mead at the screen and shouted, "This will not end well!"

Beside him, curled up on a foam pillow with her second glass of wine, Hecate rolled her eyes. "Stop saying that. Besides, if you really want to alter it, rise up to his conscious mind, pull him to the white place, and warn him."

"Nnaahh. It's more fun this way."

"You're an asshole."

"But I am a fun asshole."

Loki downed the rest of the mead, then groaned, grabbing his head and falling back onto the couch. "Cate, rub my head."

"No," she smirked. "It's your own fault for making a drinking game."

"But the older one was being so obnoxious. All those jokes! And the bragging about the Battle Nexus champion win."

"He wasn't ever bragging, you know. That was his attempt to fit in with a team that rarely acknowledged his talent."

"Bragging. It was bragging. Boastful lil brat. Oh, my head, for the love of me, my head…"

Hecate sighed loudly. "Apollo!"

Her young golden cousin shimmered into view. "Hi, sweetie….oh, by my sister's arrows, Loki, did you imbibe too much again?"

"Fix him," Hecate groaned, "I could barely hear the turtles' conversing with all his moaning and drunken laughter."

Sighing, Apollo hugged Loki into a slide up the couch, pouring light until Loki coughed and sighed. "You Greeks need to teach me how to do this properly."

Apollo grinned. "Dionysus is busy at the moment, sorry. And so is Pan," he added, when the Norse god opened his mouth.

"Odin's Eye," Loki mumbled. He snapped his fingers, and another gigantic pitcher of mead appeared on the nearby table.

"Loki!" the others reprimanded.

"I may need it again when that gets more fun," and Loki gestured at the screen, where young Michelangelo's deep sleep glimmered.

"Just give me the remote," Hecate scowled. "Last time you pressed fast forward, he awoke too early and almost remembered the dream. I refuse to let him see this."

"Spoilsport."

Apollo sighed and grabbed the wine plus a glass. "I will make popcorn. Loki, I refuse to keep detoxifying you unless you promise no more violent games or harsh mischief in the child's life."

Loki grinned until his sharper teeth gleamed. "Oh… I am never that cruel. But if it comes down to the wire, I will step in."

Hecate merely rolled her eyes, propped her chin on her hand, and continued to watch the freckled mutant boy sleep peacefully, a small orange cat sleeping with him. They really had a great deal of work ahead of them. She casually prepared all her offensive magic and held it, whispering for it to wait until the worst bloodshed.

No matter what, she would never let the turtle child die. It was far too soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra DC drew a beautiful depiction of older Michelangelo being comforted by older Leonardo:  
> https://alessandradc.deviantart.com/art/Crossfire-735440365

Chapter Four

* * *

When Mikey began to surface in his dream, something shook in the white place, and he was spun around until he found himself in his bedroom. No, not his bedroom. Close, though. Posters on the walls of superheroes he didn't know, empty pizza boxes, action figures lining the shelves…

On the bed, his counterpart sat shaking, looking exactly like he did after a nightmare. Leo's counterpart sat beside him arm around his shoulder. They were talking too softly for Mikey to hear, and he didn't want to hear anyway. Big Mikey had been crying.

Biting his lip, Mikey tried to pull back, but something stayed his legs. The rush of white noise lowered. Slowly, words began to reach him.

"…sorry, so sorry…have been so much better, you know? I was such an obnoxious self-absorb jerk…"

"…don't you dare say that about yourself, little brother. It's not fair to any of us. We are a family. We're a team."

"Yeah, but…at him. Look at all of them. They adore him. He's just as ridiculous and obnoxious and look at him!"

"Mikey…" And Big Leo cupped his chin and made him look up. "There was a while where you…yeah, you exasperated us, you irritated us, we probably would've shoved you off a cliff." And Big Mike hung his head and nodded, and Big Leo gripped his jaw tighter, "…but we always loved you. You always came through. No matter what was thrown at you, you never backed down, you never retreated without good cause, you always went in fighting. You loved us enough to take on the world. So why the guilt? Why the shame? Why now?"

There was a pause as Big Mike's unusual blue eyes and he stared into Leo's hazel eyes incredulously, and his aura flickered so painfully that Mikey winced. "Why? WHY? Leo, you…you don't see it? Are you shitting me? I'm nothing. Out of all our transdimensional counterparts, that one…he…he has more potential than….Leo, you see it, don't you? I'm nothing. I'm…I'm nothing."

Big Leo's hazel eyes widened so much that his sclera glittered. He grabbed his brother by the shoulders, fingers digging in so hard that Big Mike hissed and Mikey flinched. "Mike, you…why are you…stop saying that. Stop _saying_ that. I don't know where this is coming from, but it's hurting me. I don't understand. Help me understand. Mikey, it's four in the morning, I heard you sobbing from a nightmare, I came in to soothe you, now you're…you're saying things I never thought I'd hear from you. What the hell, little brother? What is going on with you?"

Big Mikey's shoulders hunched and tensed, and he inhaled deeply before whispering, "It would've been better if Raph had hit me with that lead pipe. You shouldn't have stopped him."

There was complete silence. Mikey felt a panic attack strike him deep, and he still couldn't pull away back to his own mind. Big Leo sucked in a huge breath and got a look of utter horror, face twisting in a blend of expressions.

"No," he whispered. "No, Mike, no. Don't…no. No."

They sat frozen for several loud heartbeats. Big Leo sighed. "Remember…remember when I was so brooding and moody after what happened with Ch'rell? How I blamed myself for everything?"

Big Mikey managed a smirk. "Yup. And I told the guys to lay off you."

"Yeah. Yeah, you did. You were the only one who understood what I was going through, Mike. I never really thanked you. I was grateful for you. I can relate to you here. How you must feel…being faced suddenly with something beyond your control. I get it, you know."

Big Mikey bit his lip. "But you also were already a ninjitsu master and perfect and everything, so if only I had trained harder, gotten stronger, toughened up more…"

"Mikey, no."

"Become a big brooding badass like you were…"

"Mikey, no, no. Absolutely not. I was miserable. I never want that for you. I refuse to watch you do a 180 and turn into someone I couldn't even conceive of." He smiled gently. "Look, bro. For all your flaws, your self-absorption, you are more wonderful, more kind, more compassionate. You are selfless and loving. You always wanted to be a hero. You saved Klunk. You saved those orphaned kids. You've saved our lives countless times. You're an amazing ninja, a powerful athlete, a fantastic person."

Big Mikey was taking shuddering breaths, biting his lip hard. "I just…the things I saw in Little Me's head. I probably would never have…"

"Stop it," and Big Leo cupped his face in his calloused hands. "Stop putting yourself down. You don't deserve it and you don't need it, and your family doesn't either. You've got a little bit of Little Mikey buried in there, you just need to let him come out more. I've always seen it, that spark. I just never knew how to describe it."

Finally smiling, Big Mike wrapped his hands over Big Leo's. "I love you, Leo. You say the right things."

Leo smiled back and they bumped forheads."And Mikey…if I ever, ever hear you say you wish you weren't around, I will challenge you to a battle so fierce the Daimyo himself will have to intervene. Battle Nexus Champion."

This time, Big Mike giggled, sniffling, and Mikey let out a breath so huge he almost wondered if they could hear it through is astral body.

"I'm serious, Mikey." And Leo's eyes were burning. "Don't. Never ever. No. I won't let you. Please. Please, Mikey?"

Big Mikey twisted in his grip frowning. "I wanna go back to sleep, Leo, I'm tired."

Big Leo swallowed hard. "I'm staying with you. But later we're talking to Donnie and April."

"Fine. That's fine." And as Big Mikey lay on his side and as Big Leo lay next to him, hands shaking against his carapace, the world twisted. Mikey finally felt the force release him and he flew at blueshift speed into his own mind. Crying out, he yanked his body away from sleep. Klunk, the little orange cat, slid off his plastron and stared at him.

"Hzzzwhaa?" Raph had opened one sleep-glazed green eye. "Mikey, you okay? Bad dream?"

Hand to his plastron, Mikey breathed deeply. "Y-yeah. It's all good. I'm okay."

"Mrph," was the reply, and Raph's eye closed.

Mikey lay back down, which allowed Klunk to nuzzle his cheek. If he went back to sleep, if he even dreamed again, he didn't remember.

* * *

He woke up to the distant sounds of porcelain clattering, metal striking, wood hitting. Laughter and low murmured voices. The warmth of the little cat was long gone. His brothers were gone, futons made. Mikey stretched, yawned, growled at the fiery pain in his legs. Donnie was right; the Mako-Siggur designed braces really did help. When they returned home he owed Rhea and Freya hugs. He stood, wobbling, rolled his eyes, and shuffled out, trying to figure out the time. The psionics were sleepy, rolling around in the back of his head, stretching along neural pathways like cascades of candles.

Mikey stumbled into the kitchen, once he remembered where it was in this new place. A pair of very strong, very muscled arms steadied him, and he looked up into Big Raphael's amber eyes. Inadvertently, Mikey grinned his usual sunny smile. "Mornin, Raphie!"

"Don't call me that," Big Raph rumbled, like a reflex, but he kept one arm around Mikey, leading him to a chair. "We let you sleep in; your bros said you were having nightmares and pain or some shit."

Mikey blinked and glanced around. There was his Leo, and there were two Raphs and two Donnies, all smiling softly at him. In front of his Donnie were two large mugs of coffee. Donnie pushed one toward him. "Your ADHD medicine," he said. "Raph sensed you waking up so I made it. They have good chocolate syrup here."

Big Donatello grinned. "He makes the strongest coffee I've ever seen. I swear it waved hello."

"I mean," Donnie grinned, "We usually drink energy drinks. But Mikey and I are suckers for chocolate, so."

Mikey had already drank half his mug. "Mmmm, quiet brain."

His Leo pushed forward a plate of eggs and bacon. "Don – this world's Don – made breakfast. Eat up. We all train in an hour after this world's Leo and Mike finish practicing…whatever they were doing when we woke up."

Mikey blinked, suddenly remembering. The astral travel dream had been real after all. Big Mike had been serious about "getting tougher but not too much." He distracted himself with the rest of the coffee and then the eggs.

Moments after breakfast, Splinter, Big Leo, and Big Mike arrived in the kitchen. "I don't care, pastries count as second breakfast," Big Mikey was saying firmly.

"Good luck finding the Pop Tarts," Big Leo said, crossing his arms. "Raph hides them."

"They're in that cabinet up there," Mikey supplied, "way in the back on the left."

"Hey!" from Big Raph. "Oh really!" from Big Don.

"Mikey, stop helping Mikey tease Donnie!" Big Leo grumbled.

"I did not steal the last box, I promise," Big Don muttered, hands in the air.

Big Raph folded his arms. "They were chocolate chip."

"Exactly! I wanted strawberry frosted!"

Big Mike had started to climb on the counter. Mikey waved a hand slowly, and the cabinet door opened. Items shifted, and a familiar box floated down. "Hah!" Big Mike grinned. "Chocolate again! Thanks, Little Me!"

He hopped down, landing gracefully on his toes, and their blue eyes met. Mikey hadn't expected to see that deep sadness still swirling in his counterpart's eyes. His smile wavered, as did his counterpart's grin. Luckily, no one noticed.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hello darkness, my old friend  
I've come to talk with you again  
Because a vision softly creeping  
Left its seeds while I was sleeping  
And the vision that was planted in my brain  
Still remains  
Within the sound of silence"

-Simon And Garfunkel, "The Sound Of Silence

Chapter Five

It definitely wasn't the same comic he knew. It was almost real. He had just finished the last page when there were footsteps across the threshold. Mikey didn't bother looking up. "So," he said, "Silver Sentry sounds amazing. Do you wish he was, like, real, sometimes?"

The footsteps came closer, and the bed dipped. "He is," the gravelly voice said lightly.

Mikey's head shot up and he gaped at his counterpart. "Whu?"

Big Mikey smiled. "Sometimes he's my boss. We go on missions together a few times a year."

Mikey really couldn't help the rapid blinking. His shields fell back and the images flooded. "Dude. Dude. Dude. Your costume, it's awesome!" He paused, waiting for his eyes to stop clouding. "I…I think I like Nobody the best. But the Turtle Titan is pretty neat too."

Big Mike smirked. "So I've heard. Hey, your eyes. When they cloud up. That means you're seeing stuff, right?" Mikey nodded. "It looks…different. Like it's not even you. Me. Us." He rubbed his neck. "This is really bizarre, okay? I don't…I can't…like, how do you even do any of it, kid? I don't…"

He stared at his hands, and Mikey suppressed an urge to grab them in his own. He breathed deeply. "Um…Michelangelo…you know I never meant to, like, link us together like this, right? It was a total accident, I swear, okay? Don't be mad at me or anything-"

Big Mike threw back his head and laughed. "Oh wow, little dude. You're adorable. No. I'm not mad. I'm…fascinated. I'm astonished. Curious, duh. This might be one of the best things to happen to me in a few years, anyway. Something _mine_. You know?"

Mikey did know. He smiled slightly. "We should talk about that. Being us. Like, right now, here, this wacky interdimensional stuff. We should, like, get to know each other. I still have questions. And I really need to teach you stuff."

Big Mikey nodded. "Yes. That's important. This is nothing like what Master Splinter or the Ancient One taught us about harnessing spiritual powers. This is a whole new game, it's huge. But it can wait a little. I need to wait a little. I need to figure a few new things out about myself now that I have these powers you linked me to." The last part was emphasized, as if it were a chant.

Mikey frowned. "Why? What's wrong?"

His counterpart tilted his head back and sighed long and hard. "Look, I spent a lot of time being a snotty brat, Little Me. I was obnoxious. I was arrogant. I knew I wanted to be a great hero, I went for what I wanted, I didn't give two fucks what anyone thought. That made me careless sometimes. And lazy. Master Splinter always said I was the most natural athlete, and I knew it. I felt it. Everything came easily to me. Leo would sometimes stare at me, you know, with this…look. Like he was envious of everything I was. I bet you have that same raw gift." When Mikey nodded, a grim smirk slashed across Big Mike's face. "Leo could get every technique perfect, every kata just right, and then I'd do it without effort and then fuck off to play video games and then whine when Raph smacked me."

Mikey squeezed his eyes shut and considered putting up extra shields just to ward off the waves of emotional agony starting to churn. But this wasn't the time. He wasn't sure his counterpart had opened up quite like this to anyone else.

"Splinter wouldn't even let me graduate to Chunin with the others. They put me through a bunch of tests. I passed. I knew I would. Everyone knew I would. Apparently the final test was hidden. I showed humility, and boom, I was good. I…I just shrugged and grinned through it."

Mikey felt anger stir, and he wasn't sure whose it was. "So…it was…pointless?"

Big Mike shrugged. "Nah. I needed that reminder. Life wasn't all about goofing off, comics, kiddie shit. My brothers even defended the hell outta me when Splinter first told us about graduation. They all had my back. I knew Splinter needed to make sure I really was good. I never did show much of that potential."

He turned at the waist, propping one hugely muscled arm on the bed, and fixed Mikey with a gaze that sent cold tremors down his spine. The blue of his eyes was much darker, wearier, sadder, but it still felt like a bizarre mirror. He could see who he was years before, like cracks in the corners.

"You're so young. I'm not just talking years, Mikey. We're twenty, we're out of our teens, we're adults now. I'm astounded we lived this long, really. It keeps hitting me that I'm actually out of my teens. Well. Kind of. I once promised myself I'd never grow up." And the corner of his mouth lifted again. "But I see you, and your brothers, and you're different from—from what we've realized. You're _kids_. And you've already taken down Shredder once, even if he'll come back, and if he's anything like ours, he'll be eleven times worse. And you've already been through a Utrom—Kraang—invasion. And a Triceraton invasion. And then those two together. That's…that's kind of _insane_ for a group of kids, isn't it?"

Mikey just nodded, chewing on his lower lip to stop it from trembling. Those waves were stronger. That anger was darker.

"And then. There is you. You, just. You. Alone. The things you went through by yourself. Let's not even start with the M'Kari psionics and the Alchemist, yeah? Let's start with growing up with three big brothers who picked on you for little things, when they realized you were better than them physically but not so much mentally."

_Oh. Oh, no, not this. Damn it, don't go there. I don't want to do this._

_Tough._

_No. Not this._

_You don't get to choose._

A low growl filled the room. Mikey jumped when he realized he had squeezed his eyes shut and a light frightened noise escaped his mouth. His counterpart had leaned in and was staring at him. The larger turtle raised a finger and pressed it to Mikey's plastron, firmly against the deepest scar over his chest.

"Let's talk about staying strong when the whole fucking universe was trying to knock you down over and over, in the form of your own family telling you how not good enough you were. In the form of humans screaming when they got a look at you. At humans either running away from you or attacking you because that was all they knew, because they had no idea that you were just like them, all you wanted was to be loved. At bad people hurting good people with you being the only thing in the way. At villains, actual evil creatures, trying to kill your family and your friends all the time, for no good reason other than you were an aberration and a freak and nothing worth anything. Let's talk about how much fucking strength, power, courage, and bravery it takes to just get through all. Of. That. And then we can talk about how you and I feel about our lives right now and right here."

Mikey's mouth opened and closed. For once, his mind felt blank. His surface shields collapsed. He shivered, felt himself start to shake. For a moment, everything whited out. He heard someone crying softly. He felt someone holding him, strong powerful arms wrapped around his waist, his cheek pressed against a broad shoulder. He was crying. The sounds were from him. His surface mind filled with static and then an odd thickness, a fog with light filling every corner until he could barely think. He felt himself echoing back at himself. Air around a cavern, pressure building in a canal. Water filling a container. A ball bouncing between a wall and a hand. Rhythm, like a frantic heartbeat, the crackle of a bonfire. Something grabbed at him and pulled tightly, exactly like the embrace of a loved one after a shock.

He breathed. Slowly. He fell back on some of the training the alien Sirra had given him back on Cadran. It was long and difficult, untwisting like a braided rope dangling over a void. Once he separated, he was able to move as far back as the new link would allow, which turned out was very far. Inside himself, he cracked apart a few more tightly woven chain links, connections stretching out in physical sensations and strong images. He looked up and found his counterpart in front of him on the other side of glass, following his movements. Some of the links were too tight and too hard to break apart. He ignored those even as his counterpart worked at them. As one, they worked their way down a glass corridor filled with sunlight until one of them noticed the exit. Mikey placed his hand on the glass and Big Mike did the same. The glass cracked just slightly, and they stared at each other through the spiderweb. Big Mike grinned and winked and tapped on another section, which spiderwebbed yet stayed. Mikey grinned back and they began a game of gentle tapping until cracks were all over the glass. The glass began to break and fall soundlessly as they stepped toward the exit. By the time the glass was completely shattered, the Mikeys had linked arms, elbow to elbow, and jumped out of their heads.

Mikey opened his eyes and pulled away, the receding warmth from the hug making him shiver in a different way. He felt his fingers twitch. Before he knew what was happening, a thick pale blue blanket was wrapped around his shoulders, wrapping around the rest of him by itself. He took a breath and lowered his head.

"You kinda look like a burrito."

Mikey smiled. "Yeah."

"That was really fucking cool to watch, how the blanket just….did everything by itself."

"I know."

"You are totally going to show me what to do."

Mikey giggled and wriggled like a child within his warmth. "I totally am."


	6. Chapter 6

This world will never be  
What I expected  
And if I don't belong  
Who would have guessed it?  
I will not leave alone  
Everything that I own  
To make you feel like it's not too late  
It's never too late

Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
Now and again we try  
To just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late

No one will ever see  
This side reflected  
And if there's something wrong  
Who would have guessed it?  
And I have left alone  
Everything that I own  
To make you feel like  
It's not too late  
It's never too late

-Three Days Grace, "Never Too Late"

* * *

Chapter Six

"So, then," his counterpart said, "here's a question."

"Here's an answer, maybe," he joked.

Big Mikey smiled, just a little. "How do you…y'know, shield from yourself? Feelings, I mean."

Mikey's eyes widened. He hadn't expected that one. _Oh, gods, oh shit, I…really? He…but he…he's…_

And he slapped a shield over that, because he couldn't let Big Mike heard it, but he was already looking like he had.

"You know." It was flat and almost a sigh.

Mikey swallowed, because, well, shields really were basic one-oh-one, and shields had to be the first lesson, but still. Still. It should be shielding from the outside in first, not inside out. Then again…

"Okay," he said. "So…inner shields are actually harder because you're always reflecting parts of yourself back at you inside your mind. But maybe we can work with that, we can make you a different set so they don't reflect back as much." And sat up fully, cross-legged, which Big Mike mimicked. He held out his hands. The large hands that grasped his, permanently calloused and covered in old scars and old burns, were firm and completely steady. He stared at them, not quite ready to look him in the eyes, those darker cracked eyes.

He ran his counterpart through a series of exercises, smiling whenever he said something that felt like a Leonardo lesson, whenever Big Mike caught it and mentioned Leo. Surprisingly, he could already feel a strong and steady flow of power inside his counterpart's mind. He supposed once Michelangelo in this world had calmed down, grown up as it were, meditation had come much easier and he'd already developed beyond the most basic necessary shields. Mikey happily took those and worked with them, tying them tighter, spinning them longer, into long high walls and smooth huge bubbles and iron doors. Big Mike preferred the bubbling and the walls, and they were colorful, cheery, covered in hard materials. It became a game, of sorts, which one of them could build and create quicker and more creatively. When Mikey created a bubble resembling a soccer ball, they paused to play, not caring if there was a winner. Inside Big Mikey's mind was a full playground the size of a city, easily shaped and quickly built upon.

"Okay."

They sat on the edge of the shining skate park, looking out over their work. This world's Michelangelo definitely used this place as a sanctuary from stress, instead of his imagination. Mikey kind of missed his own pizza trees and rainbow lake, but he liked this. It was very open, very real.

Big Mike spoke again. "I feel much better now, actually. Safe. Thanks."

Mikey smiled. "Well, you've got the fundamentals down. It's basically the reverse on the outside. Here, lemme hit you with something and I'll show you."

He deliberately caught his counterpart off-guard with a series of random, nonsensical, rapid-fire thoughtwaves. Big Mikey, though, reacted with as much fast-twitch reaction as himself, and Mikey felt himself sliding back from a force nearly as intense as Gaia when she was deliberate. It was flashy and showy and distracting, spinning and lights and colors, and when he finally backed down and called the match, they both were panting and grinning.

"Awesome, man, awesome," he said, both thumbs up. "I can finally tell Gaia someone else beat me at telepathy showdown!"

"Why, _thank_ you, dear boy, I do my best," and Big Mike bowed theatrically.

Mikey just giggled. His counterpart's telepathic world wasn't just solidly built, it was steadier than any mind he'd ever seen beyond other skilled telepaths. It seemed as though Big Mike had already always had a natural affinity for psychic ability and never really found it beyond the ninja's natural spiritual skills and the, well, the personal Mikey factor of odd intuitions and sensitivities.

But then he remembered why they had come here in the first place, and turned to his counterpart. "And now," he said, "We gotta talk, dude."

"Yeeaah," and Big Mikey rubbed his neck with both hands. "I was kinda…unpleasant back there."

Mikey plopped down on the edge of the psychic skate park. "No, just…maybe a little worrying. We're not s'posed to be the ones that go all deep and edgy in this family."

"Nope, we're not. We are and always will be the sunshine boy." And there was a long sigh, as Big Mikey's arm draped around Little Mikey's shoulder. "But it's not like we've ever really told them off, is it?" He leaned in a little. "Is it?"

Mikey tried to shrug nonchalantly. "I kinda told Raph, while we were exploring on this one planet that heightened negative emotions. But not enough. I mean, they get it now, they understand now, after what I went through with the Alchemist and binding us all together. They totally get it."

And he glanced at his counterpart, who was now looking straight ahead, his mouth in a thin line. "Aannd yours still don't."

"Kind of….not really. Sort of. Maybe. I dunno anymore. It's not like I've really sat them down and said 'Yo, bros, you've really hurt me over the years' because I was obnoxious to them so often, so they'd just throw that in my face before I might-"

"They might not," Mikey said hurriedly. "They'll probably listen really well. You're older now. You've seen a lot. You still love each other enough."

"Yeah…" A broad shoulder lifted and dropped somewhat listlessly.

Mikey tried to think quickly; he wasn't used to needing to soothe _himself_ out of a depression. So he launched into a few jokes. He got some smiles and small chuckles, but it wasn't until the Pink House joke with the three salesmen that Big Mike really responded, laughing until he ran out of air, tears streaming. Satisfied, Mikey pulled them out into the real world.

Big Mike was still laughing, out loud, their hands still clasped. Big Mike broke the content to swipe at his eyes. "Ohhh, I needed that. Hey, wanna play a game or something before we get called down for dinner that I'm not cooking?"

"Yeah! Can we play with your action figures?"

"Absolutely. Whose side you wanna be on?"

* * *

After dinner, which had been supplied by April and Casey, the large group sat around the living room. A movie was playing in the background, as was some soft rock. The two Leos were discussing the finer points of Bushido with Splinter. The two Donnies had engaged April in a talk about engineering. The two Raphs and Casey were challenging each other on weapons and different attack moves.

The two Mikes sat comfortably, ruminating over the latest issues of various comics. Mikey was describing a reaction Ice Cream Kitty had upon reading the last page of one new issue when he caught a quick thought thread from someone. He glanced up, frowning.

 _What is it?_ his counterpart asked.

_Hang on…it's your Leo. He's worried about you._

_Wha? Why?_

_He thinks…umm…he thinks you're being quieter than usual, um, restless…listless…he thinks something might be wrong. He thinks he should pull you aside._

He sensed an unexpected lash of irritation from his counterpart. _Fuck this…_ "Leo!" Big Mike called out suddenly. _Uh oh. Oh no, Mike, no…_

Both Leos turned, blinking. "My Leo!" Big Mike was standing now, fists clenching and unclenching. Everyone but Mikey was staring. Mikey himself was looking down, biting his lip.

"Do you really think something's wrong with me because I'm too quiet?"

"What? Mikey, how did you…Little Mikey, did you read my mind?"

"Don't drag him into this. He just happened to catch you thinking it. Now I wanna ask about it."

Big Leo was standing, hands open at his sides, looking infuriatingly calm.

"What's this about, Mike?" Big Raphael asked.

Big Mike threw him a quick glance. "Yeah, like you don't know."

"Uh, I don't? Chill, bro."

"I just…" Sitting down heavily and standing again, Big Mike breathed heavily. "Do you really think it's so odd that I can think beyond simple thoughts, that I have an inner life beyond being the comic relief and the fool and the goof who fucks everything up, who never shuts up until you wanna bash his head in?"

There was total silence now. Mikey held his breath, let it out very slowly. Those waves he had felt earlier were back, crashing powerfully against strong shields that were already beginning to shudder.

_Mike, you gotta calm yourself down…_

_No, kid, this ain't the time. I can handle it. Don't try to—_

_I won't, but maybe this is the time? Look at your shields. You're really not ready…you're not trained well…_

"Don't you start too," Big Mike barked at him out loud, and he sucked in a breath.

"Hey!" Raph snapped.

But Big Mikey's eyes were on fire, and they passed around the room. Mikey could already sense the static building as his counterpart's new powers began leaking. Big Raph was on his feet, on stance, ready to spring at his brother.

Those eyes settled back on Big Leonardo, who remained calm, frowning slightly. "Mikey, if this is about that talk we had in your room after your nightmare…"

"It is and it isn't. It's about a lot of things, Leo. It's about all these years of me trying to cheer everyone up and getting nothing but head smacks and bullying in return. I didn't think about it until today, but this family is kinda fucked up, you know?"

"Mikey!" Big Don shouted, and Splinter rose to his feet, eyes huge.

"I mean, I get it, I was and am and will always be the little brother, but when does this little brother get a break from getting picked on and called stupid?" He shifted to Big Raph, who let out a small growl. "Yeah, snarl at me, Raphie. Because you don't wanna punch me. Except you do. I can _feel_ it." That made Big Raph's eyes grow wide and his posture straighten. "I'm feeling all of you," Big Mike whispered. His head lowered. "It's like remembering other people's memories and emotions, it's like one big bruising echo. You love me but you still think I'm a goofy obnoxious pain in the ass who needs to be taught a lesson like a child again and again. And I'm…tired. I'm tired of it. Whenever I try to act smart or serious, I get shot down. Or you're so surprised that I did something intelligent. It's been like that for years, you guys. Can you at least try not to feel that way anymore?"

And Mikey felt one of the shields fall completely. He shut his eyes tight, rushed into his counterpart's mind to try and build one in its place. But just it was replaced, another cracked and splintered. He rebuilt that one too; his counterpart was too emotional to even notice. The waves were high and rough and he realized they could both start to drown if he was not careful.

As he concentrated, he could hear words blurring around him. It wasn't until a pair of small, very warm arms were around him that he came back at all. His hands were covering his face. He very slowly looked around. April was holding him, this world's April, with her intensely deep green eyes instead of blue. Beyond her, Big Mike and Big Raph were snarling at each other; Raph had his hands around Mike's wrists. Big Mike had tears streaming down his face. Big Leo was almost in between them, deep concern and almost fear on his face.

Mikey looked around at each of his own brothers, who were looking at him, blinking. And he realized that this must be like when he himself had started breaking down on the Fugitoid's ship, and back home.

Big Don was still seated, but his calculating eyes were passing between Mikey and Big Mike. He was tensed and frowning. He was actually shaking; he looked about ready to cry. His eyes seemed far away, and Mikey suddenly caught a very huge, very loud image of Big Mike, much older and much wearier, with a missing left arm and a cold glazed stare. He shuddered in horror, and threw as much calm, peace, and hope as he could muster at his geeky brother's suddenly terrified counterpart. Big Don physically relaxed instantly, but that image of a one-armed, angry, cold Michelangelo lingered like a faded photograph. He would need to ask about that later. Big Don took in a very deep breath that seemed to go on forever before whispering, "Oh, Mikey, I'm so sorry. Mikey, I'm so sorry." And no wonder he hadn't moved, the shaking had paled him considerably.

Donnie sat beside him, eyes just as calculating, focused only on his own little brother, and didn't seem to hear him.

"I'm fine," Big Mike rasped out. "Let go. I'm okay."

"No, you ain't," Big Raph growled. "You tried to punch me."

"I'm sorry," Big Mike was gasping. "I don't…I don't know…"

"Mikey," Big Don called. "Little Mikey."

Both Michelangelos looked over at him.

"What happened?" Big Don asked, with a slight tremor in his voice that was almost hidden by calmness.

"Uh, his shields collapsed," was all Mikey could think of. "His inner shields. The ones you have to protect you from your own emotions."

His counterpart shot him a look that Mikey didn't need to see. _Stop that,_ he countered. _I warned you._

Big Mike winced, as if it echoed too loudly in his head. It probably did. The new shields were holding. The waves of emotional energy were gradually slowing.

"What emotions?" Big Raphael said. "Angry? Mikey's not really angry much."

"That's what I mean!" and Big Mike struggled to pull away. "You haven't been paying attention to how I feel, Raphie!"

Big Raph was silent. He just looked at his younger brother. And then he wrapped him in a tight hug, which made Big Mike squeak in surprise, and Mikey found himself letting out a sigh of relief.

"S'okay, Mikey," he heard Big Raph whisper. "I am listenin' now. I really am. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Mike. I love you."

And across the room, the green-eyed Raphael leaned in until he could meet Mikey's own eyes, and he mouthed, "I love you, little bro."

And Mikey smiled back, tearfully.

* * *

In the gigantic room, with the gigantic television, on the gigantic couch, Loki threw popcorn. "Oh, now it's a soap opera!"

"Hush, you," Apollo said, slowly sipping his second glass of wine.

"That's it, I'm getting drunk again."

"Would you like a pot and a soup ladle?" Hecate asked mildly.

"Oh, yes, that would be lovely."

"Loki, you really are an ass."

"But a fun ass!"

* * *

Help, I have done it again  
I have been here many times before  
Hurt myself again today  
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame

Be my friend, hold me  
Wrap me up, unfold me  
I am small, and needy  
Warm me up, and breathe me

Ouch, I have lost myself again  
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,  
Yeah I think that I might break  
Lost myself again, and I feel unsafe

Be my friend, hold me  
Wrap me up, unfold me  
I am small, and needy  
Warm me up, and breathe me

-Sia, "Breathe Me"


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little warning: Someone has been cutting their wrists in secret.

So close, no matter how far  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way  
Life is ours, we live it our way  
All these words I don't just say  
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you  
Every day for us something new  
Open mind for a different view  
And nothing else matters

-Metallica, "Nothing Else Matters"

* * *

Chapter Seven

Heaving a sigh, Mikey shifted, and April adjusted her embrace, sitting next to him, pulling him to her. He let his head drop to her shoulder. She smelled like surface warmth, soil, flowers, baked goods, a metal tang like computers and tools. Raph scooched a little closer, still looking at his own little brother, before looking up at their counterparts.

Big Raphael had taken Big Michelangelo's face between his hands and was tilting his head back and forth, frowning, worry in his amber eyes. Big Mike had cast his eyes to the side, to Big Leonardo. He looked scared now. Big Leo was smiling at him, hand on his shoulder. As Big Leo turned around to gesture at Big Donnie to join them, Mikey recalled the odd image of that much older, mangled, angry version of Big Mike and tensed, but Big Don merely offered a shaky little smile and stood, joining the huddle and putting an arm around Big Mike's shoulders. Splinter stood next to them, hands on his brown cane, but his eyes landed on Mikey and his head lowered.

Mikey bit his lip. This wasn't what he had expected or wanted. Empathic powers were hard enough. But this was family. This was…was their family. This particular family. It was already strange and odd and bizarre and messed up. He was making it worse. The Mike of this world had gone through a long heavy phase of false ego-driven confidence and it still lingered in the back of his mind, clinging to his memories like ichor. Mikey wasn't even sure he could help. He made himself meet Splinter's eyes, which were as steady as his own sensei's, but heavy in a very different way. He'd never been human. He'd never lost a family, but in a way he had lost an entire world when he mutated. He'd had so much to gain and so much to lose. Mikey decided never to even brush against this Splinter's mind unless explicitly asked. It was better that way.

His Raph had moved even closer, and Mikey grabbed the edge of his brother's energy and held it like a blanket. He was tired. This was all new. Rebuilding his counterpart's inner shields had been surprisingly exhausting. He should be better. He should be stronger. All this power, curled up in smaller parts of him, patient, and he knew he could probably just wave his arm and make everything better somehow…but what would that do? Where would he start? It would be a lie.

The counterparts were whispering to each other, punctuated by harsh wet gasps from Big Mike. He knew exactly what they were saying and why, but he put up inner blocks as best he could. Big Donnie's emotional state was the hardest to push away, trembling like dying leaves in early winter, anxiety and uncertainty swirling into a low-grade paranoia. Poor guy needed more sleep, truly. April's embrace was so warm, and so open, and without any judgment at all, and he sighed again, almost ready to fall asleep. The psionics crept forth, tentative. He could sweep all of their minds at once and make them calm, relaxed, soothed, loved. He could. He could do a lot of things.

He never would. But he could.

"Mikey, honey," April murmured, "you feel like you're about to fall asleep."

"Wanna stay awake," he said, burrowing into her shoulder. She offered to make coffee or get at energy drink from the fridge.

"I got 'im," Raph said, and Mikey felt his brother take him and press his face to his shoulder.

"Things are kinda different, huh?" and Raph's voice was too knowing, too sharp. "Your powers are a little sluggish after a transdimensional trip and you're getting your bearings and now you're linked to a different version of you and it's all weird. I get that. Just remember to breathe. We're here."

Mikey huffed, pulling on telekinetic energy and directing it to his adrenal glands. "I just need…sort things. All jumbled."

He felt Raph turn his head. Then, Donnie was there, crouched in front, hands cupping his jaw. "Mikey, don't push anything. Your seizure threshold is low. This is only the second day here. You probably need to shake off whatever dimensional residue is left clinging to your energy reserves."

Mikey had no idea what that meant, but it seemed to translate into "rest, meditate, exercise, both physically and psychically." He heard himself say something else, but it was drowned out by the buzz of fatigue. When someone placed a cold can in his hand, he looked down, saw that it was an energy drink with electrolytes, and drank half of it quickly. He waited for the quieter buzz of caffeine and vitamins to take hold. He finally looked up, and Casey smiled. Mikey blinked. He wasn't used to seeing Casey so…big. Older. Quiet. He smiled back. His gaze drifted to April, who was pressing her lips together. "You okay now, sweetie? Do you need to lie down? Do you need anything else?" and he wanted to burst into tears. She was so _kind_. He felt the room spin and his head fell against Raph's shoulder. Raph made a very soft trilling coo, which Mikey echoed out of habit. April and Casey startled and glanced at each other.

"Well," Donnie smirked at them, "we were turtles first."

"Well, yeah," Casey coughed, "just…our guys never made those noises. D'ya…like, all the time?"

"No, just at certain times, like when we're very tired or overwhelmed. Or overexcited. In private, usually."

Yawning, Mikey stretched his mind out and felt the turtles of this world talking in very low voices, almost subvocal.

"No more crying in your room, okay? Big Raph was saying. "Come to us next time."

"You…you'll just make fun of me," Big Mike said in a sullen voice.

"We won't," Big Leo said quickly. "We promise, Mikey. We're so sorry we never noticed. You've always been extroverted and joking and…extreme. I admit that I thought you literally were incapable of getting this sad."

Big Mike huffed. "Yeah. Well. A lot of things get taken for granted when you spend your life trying to cheer everyone up."

"It drains you, doesn't it?" Big Donnie said, sounding tired and raw. "Keeping up such a long, deep façade of…of organic happiness. Deliberately goofing around to keep us on our toes, to bolster morale and courage. You probably applied a lot of physiological energy just to laughing at everything, even if it was just yourself. Regardless of whether or not your mistakes, goof-offs, attempts at recreational juvenile humor, or slapstick comedic moment were just cover-ups for your attempts to keep yourself confident and out of any psychiatric upset-"

"Donnie," Big Raph hissed, "what's your point?"

"What I was _trying_ to say is that Mikey may have spent all these years wearing multiple masks and we never knew because he got too good at it. He was able to successfully switch between them even in front of Master Splinter."

"This is true," Splinter said. "After you all turned fifteen, I sensed a change in Michelangelo's spirit. It seemed to put a sort of energy around itself, something protective. I admit I never questioned it, as you all were changing and growing up. We encountered the mousers and Miss O'Neil, and our lives changed irrevocably. I never took them time to pry, and soon I fully forgot about this alteration. I am sorry, Michelangelo. I should have meditated with you more and actively wondered why your spiritual energy suddenly developed a hidden part."

"Not your fault, Sensei," Big Mike said hoarsely. "Nobody's fault, just me. It's all on me. I never told you guys. I just let it…um, fester, I guess? I really didn't think you guys would believe me."

"You give yourself too little credit, my son. And you underestimate your family's feelings. Especially toward you."

There was silence, thick and slightly awkward.

"I…I guess I didn't really think about that." Big Mike sounded almost shy.

Big Leo's voice suddenly hissed, "Raph, Don't you dare say-"

"Wasn't gonna, I swear!"

"Heh. S'okay, Raphie, I deserve that. I don't think before I do or say anything, really. I just…go with my gut."

"Your heart, Mikey," Big Don said, sounding strong. "You've always followed your heart. And you don't deserve to be insulted, you never have." Big Raph cleared his throat, sounding apologetic. "You just…ohh, Mikey, we…I guess we thought…look, when you won the Battle Nexus Championship, I realized something. You weren't bragging or boasting. You needed, you wanted something that was yours, that you could be proud of, that you could show us to say that you were worth something all on your own. And it was wrong of any of us to assume…all those things you accused us of."

Mikey realized that their voices were fading, and he didn't wonder why until his body began to feel light and tingly. His mind was insisting that he pull away and rest. He was confused. Back home, this would never have exhausted him so much. Donnie would probably say something about dimensions and energies, yeah. Wait, didn't he?

He shifted. His head felt heavy. He closed his eyes and felt Raph's muscles tense.

"Yeah," he heard Donnie say, "he needs rest. The interdimensional shift wasn't kind on his alien-altered neurophysiology and the psionics still need time to…I suppose finish re-booting? The main concern here is seizures, migraines, a fibromyalgia episode…"

"Whoa, whoa," Casey said. "Um…like, all at once? Can we even do something when that happens?"

"Probably not all at once, no, but I want to keep an eye out. He linked with me telepathically in a way that allows me to sense when he's injured or having an episode. And, well, that link is buzzing."

Mikey felt Raph hold him even tighter. _Mikey,_ Raph's mental voice called. _You okay? How do you feel?_

In his mind, Mikey groaned. He felt sluggish. _M'fine, Raph. Don't worry._

 _You don't feel fine._ Damn it. _You feel like you're driftin'. I'm telling Don._

_No, I'm okay, I sw—_

He was cut off by a swell of heavy red darkness that grabbed him tight and pulled him down, down, and he heard several voices raised, but he didn't even try to fight back. Too tired. Just going to rest for a bit. Pain, red hot and sharp, creeping like vines through his limbs. The psionics flared bright indigo and white energy erupted until he couldn't feel anything but pain, and he fell, freefall.

* * *

Mikey's head was ringing and felt scooped out. His muscles felt raw. His chest felt tight. Very slowly, he opened his eyes.

"Oh, good. We were really worried for a while. It's been about three hours." That was Leo's voice.

He blinked slowly, his eyes dry and scratchy. "Wh-"

Leo's face came into view, pinched and upset. His hand passed over Mikey's vision and moved, and then the sensation of a pillow under his head hit him. He wasn't on the couch anymore.

His barest psychic senses told him that he was in Big Leonardo's bedroom. Incense, candles, small bonsai trees, and a feeling of pure minimalism struck his physical senses. Everything seemed created for relaxation and calm. It was the exact opposite of the bright cheerful organized chaos of his counterpart's room, and his own room back home. In fact, this room was even more minimalist than his Leo's room. That, at least, had comics and action figures.

Mikey thought about sitting up. He decided to raise his head. The room was crowded and everyone was staring at him. Even the little orange cat, Klunk, watched him from where he sat at the end of the bed, tail wrapped around his paws. He blinked slowly. Mikey blinked back.

"That was a fun one," Raph said. Mikey smirked at him.

"We brought you into my room to see if the surroundings would calm you," Big Leo's voice came through, sounding concerned. "I've never seen a panic attack during a seizure before."

A panic attack? Really? Why?

The two Donatellos, crouched next to each other, must have seen the puzzlement on his face. Big Don smiled reassuringly. "You may have lost any familiarity with our world. You were crying out that you didn't know where you were or who anyone was. Except your Raphael. He was the only one you let touch you."

Mikey frowned deeply. That was very surprising.

"Yeah," Raph muttered, "it really was surprising. Stuff started flying around the living room, which is another reason you're in here. Less stuff to break."

"You were saying things about someone else in your head," Big Don continued, "which I assumed was our Michelangelo through that telepathic link you established. But you didn't recognize us. You hardly recognized your Leo or Don for a few minutes and by the time you did, we were too busy avoiding objects being thrown."

Mikey winced. Oops.

"It went on like that for about twenty minutes," his Donnie said thickly. Mikey widened his eyes. Donnie sounded raw and afraid. When he looked at him, he saw that Donnie's eyes were glistening, and he quickly lifted a hand, reaching out form him. Donnie grasped it gratefully, smiling. "The other Don here wanted you in the lab until I pointed out that there were too many delicate things in there. Besides, from what I could sense, your vitals were in no danger. The other Leo's room seemed best for overall comfort."

He ran his thumb over Mikey's hand. "Bet you feel really worn out now, huh?"

Finally, he found his voice. "Thirsty. Hungry."

"I'll get some Gatorade," came Big Mike's voice, sounding rushed. "I'll heat up a piece of pizza. Be right back."

Carefully, Mikey wriggled until he was sitting up. Leo helped him, and stayed, bringing Mikey against his torso. Mikey realized that the bed didn't have a headstand. He leaned against his brother gratefully, letting Leo's strong, if too fast, heartbeat soothe him.

"So, he's okay, now?" Big Raph said, arms folded.

"I'm okay," Mikey croaked out. He hated how he sounded. Luckily, a full bottle of green Gatorade was held in front of him. He smiled at his counterpart, locking eyes with Big Mikey, who smiled back, looking extremely relieved, his dark blue eyes twinkling. Mikey drank very slowly, with Big Mike still holding it. Big Mikey then presented a plate with two slices of warm pizza topped with mushrooms, green peppers, spinach, and ground beef.

"Protein and vegetables," his counterpart grinned. Mikey heartily ate both slices and drank the rest of the beverage, which seemed to please both Donnies.

"Sorry about all the chaos, dudes." He stared at the plate on his lap. "Sorry I can't really control myself right now."

"Well, it's not actually your fault," Big Don said. "Your complex psionic brain is getting used to a brand new environment."

He nodded. He looked up and met his counterpart's eyes again. "So, um, are you guys okay? I kind of overheard some of your conversation."

Big Mike looked down for a few seconds. "We're…yeah. We're cool. I had to promise to never keep emotional stuff to myself again." He immediately began rubbing his wrists over the thick cloth padding, fingers tightening, and Mikey caught images of something he hadn't even sensed while helping with the shield construction. His eyes grew impossibly wide.

There were small red scars from small recent cuts on his counterpart's wrists.

_You…wait, you…_

_Yeah. I, um, I haven't told them. I was gonna. You had a seizure._

_Dude. You have to tell them._

_I know._

_Don't use me as an excuse, either._

_Wasn't gonna!_

Mikey narrowed his eyes. Big Mike looked back steadily.

Raph tilted his head. "Uh, you two having a talk? Should we leave the room?"

"Nah," Mikey said, voice low but projecting. "In fact, it's a good thing you're all here. Isn't it, Mike?"

All eyes turned to this world's Michelangelo, who sighed and stood up. "I, um, I have a confession. You won't like it."

Big Raph immediately growled. Big Don stood up, already wide-eyed. Big Leo came and stood in front of Big Mike, who stared right at him, mouth firm. Without flinching, this world's Michelangelo removed his wrist guards, turned his arms outward, and held them up.

* * *

The room seemed to explode. Big Leo hissed in pure alarm, Big Don shouted, Big Raph roared. April put her hands over her mouth, tears in her eyes. Casey gasped, "Mikey, what the fucking hell?" Splinter had Big Mike's hands clutched in his, and he stared at the scars in shocked awe.

The cuts were equal in length and depth, three on each arm, and they all looked less than a month old. The most recent seemed to be barely one week old. Splinter's grip tightened. He didn't lift his head, but his ears drooped. His entire body seemed to sag. Mikey flinched as Big Mike's fear and worry pushed into him.

"Fucking hell, Mikey…" Big Raph was staring at his arms, then his face. "Fuck. How could you?"

"How long has this been going on, Michelangelo?" Big Leo asked with clenched teeth.

"I…um, a few weeks. Maybe a couple of months." He almost missed the low growls rumbling through the room. He plunged on. "They healed fast at first. I figured no one would ever see the scar lines anyway. Because cuts take a couple weeks to heal. You know. But then a month ago the feelings hit again, and, well...yeah. These healed slower. I didn't really treat them fully because they were shallow. But. Um. Um." Now that he was confronted, Big Mike seemed to shrink in on himself, speaking too rapidly, shaking. Mikey tried to keep his own breathing slow and even as he automatically reached out to soothe. Donnie, Leo, and Raph, gently began to sit next to him and Mikey drew his knees up, not looking away from his counterpart, whose head was still held high but who looked completely terrified.

Donnie's voice came into his mind. _Should…should we leave?_

Mikey wanted to say yes. But he wanted to stay and help his counterpart. Big Mikey's psychic shields were holding very well but the vibrations from fear and upset were obvious.

 _I think that might be best,_ Leo said. He slowly started to rise. Splinter suddenly raised his head and stared at all four at them. "Stay," he said, and it sounded like a plea.

Big Mike turned his head and looked at Mikey, and Mikey pushed out even more empathic calm at the panic in his eyes. _Just breathe,_ he said. _You'll be okay. They won't hurt you. They're scared for you._

Big Mike nodded once, and turned back. He looked at his blue-banded brother, then his sensei. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You're sorry?" Big Raph snarled. "You're sorry? Is that all?"

"No, it isn't," and Big Mikey's voice grew stronger. "And if you'll let me talk maybe you'll learn why!"

Big Raph shut his mouth so hard his teeth clicked together. He glared. The smaller turtles on the bed huddled closer.

"I was upset," Big Mikey said. "I was scared. It was building up for years. I started feeling numb. All the time. I had to force myself to make jokes and laugh. I thought I deserved all the teasing. After April and Casey got back from their honeymoon, that's when I started feeling this…emptiness. It was like a darkness inside. I had no idea what it was, I had never felt anything like it before. And so I started thinking something was wrong with me but I figured no one would believe me. It just…stayed with me."

"Wait," Big Don said, "That was almost year ago. You mean you've been depressed with suicidal ideations for a _year_ and you never thought to say anything?"

"I didn't _know_ what to say, okay? I thought it was just…I don't know! I realized I was good at acting fine and like myself so I kept it up! I didn't think of it like depression! I wasn't trying to kill myself!"

"An' yet here we are," Big Raph growled, grabbing at one of Big Mike's arms, still held in Splinter's shaking hands. "You tried to kill yourself, Mikey. What, _three_ times? Six? _Six times_? More?"

"No! I didn't—I wasn't—I wasn't _thinking_ like that. I just…I wanted to _feel_ something. Like… before all that, I got a couple of paper cuts and I realized that it felt good. So…"

"So you figured bleeding meant you were still alive," Big Don said, very softly. "Pain was a way to know you could still feel anything at all."

"I…" Big Mike looked at him, his eyes starting to tear up. "Y-yeah. That's it. That's…that's exactly it."

Big Don reached out and cupped Big Mike's chin in his hands. "But that's not good, Mikey. It's not healthy. You could…you…" His teeth clenched hard. "It does more harm, thinking that way."

Mikey widened his eyes when that image of his one-armed older self flashed across his mind again. He looked at his brother's counterpart, whose eyes were filled with nothing but compassion, worry, and deep love. There was something else there, too.

Familiarity.

Big Don had once had the same thoughts, years before. They were seventeen. Mikey frowned, concentrating. Someone called Ultimate Drako. The turtles being sent through time and space, each landing in a different world. He saw Big Don in an alternate future. He saw every counterpart except Donatello. Donnie was dead. No. Gone. Just gone. Mikey saw himself, a blind Leo, and a one-eyed Raph against the older Karai, robots. He saw them die. He saw Big Don and a much older April grieving. He watched Big Don vanish in a green haze.

Mikey shivered. Oh. Oh gods, no wonder…and Big Don didn't tell them for a long time, and when he had, his depressed feelings had eased. No wonder Big Don was now so frightened. He send a gentle thread of calm to Big Don, watching his muscles loosen and relax. A flash of confusion was in Big Don's eyes before he blinked and threw his arms around Big Mike.

Big Mike yanked his hands from Splinter and automatically embraced Big Don. His head turned and he stared at Mikey. _You…did you just…read his memories? The Ultimate Drako thing?_ Mikey nodded. Big Mike inhaled sharply, then gasped, "Oh. Ohh, shit, Donnie. Donnie, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" and his head dropped to his brother's shoulder.

Mikey's brothers looked at him, puzzled. Mikey let out a sigh of relief.

As their counterparts came to the same realization, their expressions became softer. Their body language altered as they leaned into Big Mike and Big Don, murmuring soft things. April and Casey stared, sadness in their eyes.

Mikey quickly showed his own brothers the images, and the range of emotions across their faces as they stared between the huddle and him was intense.

After a long time, the counterpart turtles separated. "I think," Big Leo said, "that we should all get something light to eat. Dessert. Snacks. How is Little Mikey?"

"I'm fine," Mikey said, perking up. He stood too quickly. Leo held onto his arm. He smiled, tried to make it look cheerful. "I'll cook! I'll make, um, cookies. Brownies? Chocolate pizza! You guys…you guys sit and chill."

"Yeah," Big Mike said, looking sadly at Big Don. "Uh. I should go with Don to the lab and let him look at these. I know they're a few weeks old, but still. Y'know? They itch. Should take a look anyway. In case. Just in case."

"Yeah," Big Don nodded, and cleared his throat. "Yes. Absolutely. Let's go do that. Let's do that."

As they began to leave the room, Big Don and Big Mike's arms around each other, Mikey felt Donnie take his hand and smile at him.

 _I love you, Donnie,_ he sent, and Donnie's bigger smile said everything.

* * *

Will the darkness fall upon me  
When the air is growing thin  
Will the light begin to pull me  
To its everlasting will  
I can hear the voices haunting  
There is nothing left to fear  
And I am still calling  
I am still calling to you

Are you with me after all  
Why can't I hear you  
Are you with me through it all  
Then why can't I feel you  
Stay with me, don't let me go  
Because there's nothing left at all  
Stay with me, don't let me go  
Until the Ashes of Eden fall

(Don't let go)  
Why can't I hear you  
Stay with me, don't let me go  
Because there's nothing left at all  
Stay with me, don't let me go  
Until the Ashes of Eden fall  
Heaven above me, take my hand  
Shine until there's nothing left but you  
Heaven above me, take my hand  
Shine until there's nothing left but you

-Breakin Benjamin, "Ashes Of Eden"


	8. Chapter 8

I feel like there is no need for conversation  
Some questions are better left without a reason  
And I would rather reveal myself than my situation  
Now and then I consider my hesitation

The more the light shines through me  
I pretend to close my eyes  
The more the dark consumes me  
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright

I wonder if the things I did were just to be different  
To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence  
And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation  
Here and now I'll express my situation

The more the light shines through me  
I pretend to close my eyes  
The more the dark consumes me  
I pretend I'm burning bright

-Shinedown, "Burning Bright"

* * *

Chapter Eight

Mikey had just put the chocolate chip cookies in the oven and was about to start on a cheese and deli meat platter when Big Raph walked into the kitchen.

"You okay?" the gruff voice asked.

Mikey shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. Tired."

"Have you been building up Mike's mind while healing up your own?"

Mikey didn't turn from his plating. "Yeah."

"Why don't you let us handle our own brother?"

It was said kindly, but Mikey's head was still throbbing, the fire in his limbs prickling, and his hand were beginning to shake. "Because you can't do what he needs to have done for him."

"You sayin' we can't help him at all?"

Mikey's hands twitched. "No. You can comfort him. Be his brothers. But I need to still … um… like, be his psychic sensei."

"Ah. I get that. Cool. Those chocolate cookies are smelling good."

"They've got oatmeal and almond butter in them," Mike finally smiled, turning around with a proud smile.

"Nice! You found my stash of protein, then."

"I figured we all could use some. I get hungry after a seizure anyway."

Big Raph tilted his head. "Hey, you can have one of my protein shakes, if you want. Might help."

"I'd like that, yeah. Thanks, R-Raphael."

There was an awkward pause. "Um…y-you…can call me Raphie, if it makes the whole name thing easier. Mike does it all the time." Mikey stared at him. "I pretend to be mad about it. It's endearing, actually. He—I like when he calls me that."

Mikey let his customary grin stretch his face as wide as possible. "Aww, you _love_ him."

"Well. Yeah. Obviously." One massive shoulder lifts and drops. "He's my little bro. I've always looked out for him." Big Raph went to the cabinets, shoving aside containers of oatmeal, nut and peanut butters, sealed bottles of Gatorade, until he found what he was looking for. He tossed it toward Mikey, who finished his plating and caught the bottle. "Ooh, milk chocolate flavor." It was a simple protein smoothie, designed for muscle gain. "Thanks, dude."

Big Raph carefully hefted the two plates while Mikey took the plate of fruit, and by the time they got to the living room, the others were sitting comfortably, a movie in the background.

"Where are they goin?" Big Raph asked, looking toward Big Mike, Big Don, and Splinter, who were walking out of the room.

"Don's lab," Big Leo supplied.

"Ah."

The plates were set down and everyone ate at their own pace. When the oven announced that the cookies were done, Mikey stood up, but Big Leo held out a hand, smiling, and went to the kitchen. The others visibly perked up when he brought in two plates of cooling cookies.

"Oh, maan, these are amazing," Casey said through a mouthful. As a wave of happy praise went through the room, Mikey felt himself grinning, sitting up straighter. On either side of him, both Raphaels sat and touched his shoulders. He blushed, feeling the difference in how the hands weighed, the similarities in how the fingers curled.

They watched the movie – something animated – and ate in comfortable silence. Which was broken when the lab door opened. Big Mike was looking at the floor, wrists freshly bandaged and no longer hidden. Splinter's arm was around his shoulders. Big Don looked jumpy. Splinter said something into Big Mike's ear, which caused him to flinch and nod.

Big Leo leapt over the back of the couch and was in front of Big Mike in one fluid motion, cupping his face, thumbs quickly wiping away the tears that had begun to fall. Wordlessly, Big Mike buried his head in Big Leo's neck.

Mikey found himself reaching for his Raph, who nuzzled the top of his head. Big Raph gave his head a pat and got up. His Leo was there, rubbing his arm, smiling that warm, wide, sweet smile he always gave Mikey to make him feel better. Mikey blinked and glanced up and looked up to see both Donnies in deep conversation. His Donnie grew pale and shaky, suddenly animated, fists clenching, head shaking from side to side as though dislodging something painful. He grabbed Big Donnie's thick muscled arm with both hands, eyes sharp and determined. Mikey didn't need to be a telepath to guess what they were discussing. The two Dons sat on the couch near him and he smiled at them reassuringly.

They turned back to the movie. Mikey used it as an excuse to drift and let his eyes cloud over. He watched carefully as Splinter and the larger Michelangelo and Donatello entered the lab. Big Mike sat on the edge of a cot and Big Don removed his wrist guards. He examined the cuts carefully, growled slightly, then went to one of many cabinets. Splinter laid his hand heavily on Big Mike's shoulder. They briefly made eye contact. When Big Don came back, he held an armful of supplies. Big Mikey barely flinched as he was worked on: rubbing alcohol, iodine, antibiotic ointment, bandages. Big Don said something about soaking his wrist pads. His voice was monotone and professional, but the embrace he gave his brother was overflowing.

Mikey let the vision fade, and shivered just as an explosion in the movie happened.

 _Mikey? I need your help…_ and his counterpart's voice was so small, almost scared, a little helpless. He glanced up to see Big Mikey sit heavily, flanked by Splinter and Big Leo, as Big Raph murmured something in his ear and sat nearby.

_Anything. What do you need, Big Me?_

A mental smile. _Can you…is there some way to…make these scars fade?_

And he bit his lip, mentally smiling even wider. _Dude, I can't even get rid of mine._

_Oh…_

There was a lot of hurt in that one word. There was a pause. And then, _Dude, I think I broke my sensei._

Mikey swallowed, struggled to imagine the look on his own father's face if he himself had done such a thing. He glanced at the counterpart Splinter as if seeing him for the first time.

The gray rat's ears were still drooped, his black eyes shining. His fur looked overly rough, wet under his eyes. Both hands lay on the larger Michelangelo's arm, as though he might somehow keep him there. His aura was darker, scattered, trying desperately to pull itself back in, swirling with a sort of despair that was cracked, a shame that filled the room. Mikey frowned and tried to think back to when his Master Splinter felt shameful over something he or his brothers had done. It must have been childhood, or at least before their first surface trip.

This Splinter seemed like the entire world had crumbled and fallen on his head and he still held himself together with impossible strength.

_Failure._

It was Splinter's voice, soft and sad and desperately afraid, and it swept through Mikey's shields like dust. _I have failed. I failed my child. I failed my family. I failed myself._

Mikey's heart twisted.

_Master Splinter – Sensei – no, please. Don't say that. You didn't fail. You couldn't have known. It's not your fault. It's not Mike's fault. It's nobody's fault._

And the rat's head snapped up, wide damp eyes connecting with his own, Big Mike blinking at him, and Mikey blushed lightly.

_M-maybe it's my fault, for linking me and him like this. You guys probably wouldn't have figured anything out. If…if, you know…_

His Raphael suddenly grabbed him by the jaw and turned his head. Mikey blinked, staring into narrow bright green eyes that suddenly knew too much. _Hey now,_ Raph's mental voice struck him as hard as a fist during training, _none of that._

 _He is right, little one,_ Splinter said. Slowly, as though it was painful, the rat stood. Clearing his throat, he lifted his head, eyes dry and hands no longer shaking.

"I believe it might do the younger boys some good to follow my own students on tonight's patrol."

There was a burst of murmuring voices. "That's a great idea, Sensei," Big Leo said. "Guys, what do you think?"

"Absolutely," Big Raph said, "let them see our New York, maybe our Purple Dragons. Kick some different kinda ass." His grin was toothy.

Big Don was nodding enthusiastically, looking relieved. "I recommend we each pair up with our counterparts."

"We can modify the T-Phones and Shell Cells to communicate," Donnie added, grinning at his counterpart.

April was looking at her watch. "You guys are set to go on patrol in less than an hour, anyway."

Leo bounced a little, rubbing his hands together. "Besides, I don't feel like waiting here all night. You guys might have awesome comics and shows, but I was hoping for a team-up. Hey, guys, remember that episode of 'Space Heroes' where Captain Ryan and the crew gets a distress call from themselves from another dimension? It can be just like that!"

"Yeah, but remember Crankshaw getting kidnapped by the other dimension's villain?" Raph said. "That part sucked."

"Well," Big Don said, "Shredder is gone. Karai has promised to leave us alone."

"And we haven't heard from Agent Bishop in a while," Big Raph added, arms folded. "Don't think he wants ta dissect us much anymore. I still don't trust that paranoid immortal fucker, though."

The conversation flowed around him as Mikey sighed, turning Splinter's gentle assurance over in his mind. He closed his eyes, concentrating on tense muscles inside his scarred legs. And then it hit—a bright, brief flash of being grabbed from behind, yanked into a shadow, his counterpart screaming his name, something pricking his neck…

Mikey breathed in sharply, eyes opening. Everything looked bright and distorted for a second. No one had looked his way, though. He rubbed his legs, realizing it had become a nervous habit. His fingers curled.

"Dude, you excited as I am?" Raph hissed, nudging him with his elbow. "This is going to be so much fun!"

Mikey put on his sunniest grin. "You know it!"

"Okay," Big Leo said, standing. "This will be just like the run we had last Thursday. We'll meet back here. Everyone keep your phones and trackers on. If it goes well enough, we'll celebrate like last Thursday."

Big Mike perked up. "Pizza from the new place near April's!"

Grinning, Big Leo winked. "And maybe April can buy a couple of new comics and video games from the store across the street." Both Big Mike and Big Raph cheered. April laughed and nodded.

* * *

Weapons were inspected. Both Donatellos and Splinter inspected everyone to make sure any fresh injuries were healed and bodies were ready. Mikey checked his supply of smoke bombs, Raph his supply of shuriken, and Donnie the sharpness of his naginata blade. Both Leonardos were at the lair's entrance, re-checking the entry codes and hidden passageways.

During this, on the couch, both Michelangelos had grasped hands and meditated. When the television began changing channels and the couch cushions and pillows began rearranging themselves, Both Raphaels stomped their feet and loudly cleared their throats. Two pairs of sky blue eyes opened, glassy and dilated. Two small pillows struck both hotheads and hovered. Big Raph grabbed both, positioned himself like a javelin thrower, and threw them back. Mikey leaned forward, whispering to Big Mike, then gestured with his index finger above his head. The pillows veered off and skidded to a stop against the staircase. Klunk appeared and crawled onto one, settling, watching. The other pillow came flying at Raph, who grinned widely and grabbed for it. It danced just out of reach, lightly tapping the top of his head, before veering around. Donnie held his bo and swung, the pillow sailing toward the two Leonardos. Leo grabbed it out of the air in a forward flip, then hurled it back to the couch. Mikey raised both hands, levitated to the ceiling, and bounced the pillow down to the floor, shouting "Goal!"

"Wrong sport!" Casey yelled.

"Telekinetic ninjaball has no rules!" Raph yelled back, and dove to grab the pillow as it began to hover again. Big Mike lunged, taking the pillow in one hand and pushing at Raph's face with the other. Mikey dropped, landing cross-legged on Big Mike's carapace. Raph snatched the pillow away, tossed it to Donnie, then tackled Mikey off Big Mike's shell. Donnie dropkicked the pillow, which was caught by Leo, who held it above his head and called "I win!"

He was quickly accosted by his brothers. They landed in a sturdy pile, supported by the pillow as it swooped to dive under and support them all.

Everyone else was laughing too hard to say anything else. Klunk, in the meantime, had sauntered into the kitchen and was yowling.

As Big Mike dashed into the kitchen to feed his cat, Big Raph leaned against the couch and asked, "So how'd you guys come up with ninjaball?"

"Telekinetic ninjaball," Donnie corrected. "Mikey and I got bored one day, and you know what happens when Mikey gets bored and I run out of projects. So, I decided I wanted to monitor his telekinesis and see how long he can keep an object moving in the air. And he wanted to turn it into a game."

"Of course," said Big Don.

"So," Mikey said, "Donnie got his test results after I levitated a bunch of junk around the lab. And, see, his lab's big enough, so at one point I found this broken Kraang ball, okay? So I was like, 'Yo, Dee, head's up!' and Donnie just put up his bo like a baseball bat."

"And this thing came at me at a ridiculous speed, and I just swung, and it hit the wall on the other side of the lab," Donnie continued. "And then Mikey was like 'oh, let's make it interesting' and so the ball flew out of the damn lab into the living room, so obviously I chased after it."

"So, okay, so Raph was on the couch watching TV, and he sees it fly right at him-"

"And I have no clue what it is, so I just jump up and grab it-"

"And I run out and I'm like, 'Raph, dude, it's telekinetic ninjaball, throw it, throw it!"

"And I just stare at Mikey, and Donnie's right behind him with this dorky grin and he's nodding, so I just lob it in a random direction!"

"And Mikey points at it and all of a sudden the ball kind of makes this weird loop like it's deciding where to go, and Mikey points it at the freaking dojo!" And Donnie grabbed the edge of the couch, giggling.

"The doors are open," Mikey laughed, "And Leo and Sensei are in there meditating, and Splinter opens one eye, and he sighs and he full-names me! And I just walk in, like 'Aw, sensei, we're just playing, um telekinetic ninjaball, yeah, that', and I move the ball toward Leo, who just jumps up, does this flip, and grabs the ball out of mid-air."

"So," Leo added, "of course Mikey makes it harder and yanks it out of my hands and floats it toward the ceiling. And Don runs over and he's like 'I got it, I got it' and I'm like 'No way, it came to me' and I try to hit it with the side of my katana-"

"And Leo and Don are poking at it with their weapons," Raph continued, "and I'm considering just throwing my sai at it, and I hear Mikey's foot tapping, and I look over, and he's got this ridiculously serious look on his face, and then he, like…blows, like a puff of air, and the ball zooms at Master Splinters head, okay?"

The entire room took a collective breath.

"And Master Splinter catches it in one hand," Mikey said, "And he raises an eyebrow and stares at me for a really long time. And I'm like, oh sewer apples, I fucked up. Right? But then he just laughs, quiet and all. And he tells me to keep my brothers on their toes!"

Everyone let out a sigh.

"And we just look at each other, mouths open," Leo said. "And Splinter says, 'however, next time, try to use somewhat softer objects, perhaps a real sports ball. Or a pillow.' And we just lose it, we fall on the floor laughing like idiots."

"Well," Mikey said, "I used a pillow!" And they cracked up again.

"Aww, you guys," and Casey grinned. "You kids are adorable."

Big Raph held up a hand. "Wait, wait. Mike, does this mean you're gonna start doin' that to us?"

Big Mike was standing in the kitchen entrance, a gigantic grin on his face. "Weeell, I'm not quite there just yet."

"But I could get him there!" And Mikey held up a finger, standing. "He's a really really fast learner!"

Big Raph opened his mouth. A sudden glare from both Raph and Big Don made him shut it.

A broad smile spread across Big Raph's face. He went to Big Mike's side and slung an arm around his shoulders. "I'm proud a' you, little brother. So, hey, what does this even mean for us? Like, once we get the kids back to their world?"

The two Mikeys glanced at each other.

"Um…" Big Mike began rubbing his freshly bandaged wrists while Mikey bit his lip and looked at Donnie.

"It…it's not gonna go away," Big Mike said quietly. "We've been doing all these meditations and it's just gotten stronger."

"The link itself will probably fade after a while," Mikey added.

Donnie stepped forward. "Well…you know those PTSD therapy sessions I've been having with Gaia. She has been suspecting that your psionics are meant to be shared, especially because of the mutation. And especially because they were created out of trauma. The M'Kari aliens were a well, an obligate social people, according to Sirra. They couldn't survive as a society without connecting to each other. It strengthened their telepathy. Now, Sirra told me that there were parts of the planet where the M'Kari didn't have required social bonds, and they were less powerful, mentally. There was no linking up."

"What does that have to do with us, though?" Big Mike asked.

"Well, I am only guessing. But given enough time, plus all that distance between realities, your bond will probably fade enough to where you can't feel each other, but I imagine Michelangelo will keep whatever powers he has," and Don tilted his head toward Big Mike. "They certainly won't be anywhere near as strong as Mikey's, though."

"In fact," Big Don added, "from what data I was able to gather, the abilities Mikey showed are the tip of the iceberg. I'd love to run more tests on our equipment here. But I'd say that with time, effort, opportunity, and practice, he would be a formidable force." He fixed Mikey with a long, unreadable stare. "You could probably control the weather, the elements. People en masse. Animals. If what Little Me said about the depths of the psionics is really true, sooner or later you could probably crack the planet in half and not expend much effort."

Mikey's brothers stared at him, jaws dropping. Mikey stared back at them, jaw dropped.

"Um. Not that I wanna do that? But…really?"

"Mikey!"

"I said I wouldn't, Donnie!"

"Dude," Big Mike muttered, "it's a really, _really_ good thing none of your enemies know that."

Mikey just swallowed.

"I suggest you meditate before patrol," Splinter said abruptly, "to prepare."

"Perfect idea," Big Leo said. "Into the dojo, kids."

* * *

Mikey was floating. He recognized the distant sounds of water lapping at docks and closer sounds computer equipment whirring. He opened his eyes. He was staring out a window, into the night, at the river.

"It's a beautiful evening," a man said from behind him.

He turned. No one was there.

"I'm going to kill you," the man said.

"What?" He peered into a pitch-black room, nerves on edge.

"It's going to be fascinating. Maybe even fun. You can watch."

"Who are you?"

"No one you know. I don't think there is an equivalent of me," and the man was smiling. In a corner. Somewhere.

The window was cracking. Mikey whirled around just enough to feel shadows burst in and smother him, and there was laughter, and the sound of a buzzing saw.

* * *

He opened his eyes and managed to suppress any noises. The others were all coming out of their own meditations. He had clamped down hard on his shields. Biting his lip, he glanced at his counterpart, then each of his brothers. No one had sensed him. That was nice.

He hated when visions happened during meditations.

Big Leo was already on his feet. As the rest of them followed, Mikey cracked his neck and let the psionics flex a little.

As they left the lair and took a vaguely familiar route through the sewers, he deliberately struck up a light-hearted conversation that had both Raphs groaning. Once the group was out of the sewers and melting into shadows, both Leos discussed directions and communications, and they were off. Big Mike led Mikey on a parkour race across the heart of the city, and with the wind in his face, whipping the laughter from his throat and flinging the laughter of his counterpart toward his ears, Mikey almost began to feel home.


	9. Chapter 9

I am now, an instrument of violence  
I am a vessel of invincibility  
I cannot leave this undecided  
Stepping down to battle another day  
Remember me for all time this  
Determination is a vital part of me  
Surrender now or be counted  
With the endless masses that I will defeat

Come on bring it  
Don't sing it  
Better believe it  
Broken down 'till your hope has died  
Beat down 'till victory's mine  
Stand up and show me some pride  
And now, are you ready?

I'm one with the warrior inside  
My dominance can't be denied  
Your entire world will turn  
Into a battlefield tonight  
As I look upon you, through the warrior's eyes now  
I can see the fear  
That will ensure my victory this time

I can't be told to compromise this  
They'll never doubt the body lying at my feet  
A most formidable reminder  
They will speak my name for eternity  
I have no need of any guidance  
I am a weapon, powerful beyond belief  
Seen through the warrior's eyes, I  
Never need to question, how to defeat you

-Disturbed, "Warrior

* * *

Chapter Nine

For the first time in a nearly a year, Michelangelo felt free in a way he didn't think he could describe. There were no words. But it didn't matter.

He did a quick handstand on a telephone wire and rapidly followed his smaller, faster counterpart as they reached Central Park. They had already gone through some Purple Dragons, basic criminals, and street gang battles. Now was the time to rest.

Weaving the wind around him, Mike flipped off a pole and landed carefully on the grass. His little self landed right next to him in stance, a wide grin on his freckled face. "Now that's good parkour!"

Mike walked to a bench and leaned back, enjoying the breeze. "It's quiet," he said happily. "I'm all for good parties in New York, but this is when you get to listen to yourself think."

Little Mikey sat beside him. "Yeah, same here. When I was little, all I wanted was to meet people and have a real life, y'know?"

"And now?"

A shrug. "Now I just wanna meet people who don't want to shoot laser guns at me."

Mike laughed heartily, and the rush of emotional energy emanating from his small counterpart lifted his spirits. "It's a fucked up world, kid."

"Yeah, but you've done a super good job of keeping it safe."

"Well, so have you. And you'll continue to do that." He looked at Little Mikey with pure fondness. "You and your brothers really kick ass. You blend into the shadows better, you're faster, you run on pure instinct and connection. That makes a good team."

Little Mikey was blushing. "Yeah, tell me how you really feel."

Mike paused, tilting his head. He let his gaze travel over the white and pink lines of old scar tissue, down to the raised keloid stretching down the left thigh from hip to knee. "Proud," he said softly. "Honored. Really surprised. Happy."

Little Mikey smirked, his bright blue eyes even brighter under the various lights. "Yeah. It's interesting for me too."

"Seriously, don't blame yourself."

"'M not."

"You sure? Because I can feel it…"

Shrug. "I…I dunno. It might have happened anyway. It's a moot point though, right? You share some of my power. We're connected. You're learning really fast."

"Got a good instructor."

"Yeah, well….yeah."

Little Mikey stood and walked to a shaded area near a tree. "I mean, your whole world feels different to me. No wonder my Donnie and your Don kept saying the psionics needed to…um…recalibrate? Yeah."

"Well, while they and April work on getting a dimensional portal with the right coordinates, you and I can keep up our work."

"Totally dude." And Little Mikey turned around and smiled at him. Mike smiled back, feeling light-hearted and a little light-headed. The one thing he had refused to tell his brothers – especially after the wrist thing – was how strong, how _strong_ and how _deep_ and how…nebulous yet solid his new mindset was. He felt webs and branches and structures taking root wherever there was room, and there was so much room. Each meditation session had felt like a day's worth of information. But boxes were starting to form. Bubbles. Walls. Rooms. Doors. Whole buildings of information and power in his head. He had always wanted to be a hero. He had always wanted to save the world.

He could. He could now. He could really do it.

Mike was absolutely terrified.

He slumped on the bench, feeling cold sweat on his forehead. He remembered the first time Master Splinter had trained them in different forms of meditation. Later, he'd pulled Michelangelo aside and mentioned that out of all his brothers, his spirit was strongest. Brightest. Had the quickest access to the astral plane. If Mike concentrated, really worked, he would be as strong as Splinter himself. And Mike had brightened at that, had perked up and felt good in a way that he knew the others couldn't take. They had all been so young, Leo desperate to please and emulate Master Splinter, Raph just wanting to power through, Don hurrying so he could get back to his mechanics. They all knew Mike's mind wandered, his brother's used it as their main source of fun. Leo was already showing signs of envy every time Mike did a more acrobatic flip, a more athletic lunge, a more naturally fluid kata. Raph was already starting to slap him for "showing off" – and Donnie wasn't really paying attention enough to soothe him. When Splinter patted his shoulder and said "I hope we can meet on the spirit plane soon, my son," Mike had involuntarily glanced at Leo, already hard at work on a new kata, and realized that if he did this…if he surpassed the others…he would have to change parts of himself. He already knew he was great at what he did; he had to be, to survive. But he didn't want to be a hardened warrior. He wanted to be the light superhero who swooped in with a clever quip, who brightened people's day.

When Michelangelo deliberately failed to reach the astral plane as expected, he had felt his sensei's complete disappointment.

As Leo rose higher and became more skilled, trained, honed, Mike backed off and laughed more, acted out more, diffused Raph's anger and Donnie's anxiety. Leo was pushing himself too much and Splinter was focused. And every so often, Mike would catch Leo staring at him, mouth in a thin line, muscles fully tense, and he knew Leo was already guessing the real reasons.

They had been very young, very naïve, very focused on keeping themselves alive. It would be years until April, Casey, the world beyond. And by that time, Mike had made himself forget.

"…and now it's all coming crashing back, right? All at once."

He barely startled, a faint ripple of energy flowing across every muscle as his eyes snapped open and his head turned to his little counterpart, sitting comfortably with one ankle propped on the other knee.

"…maybe."

"It's a lot to take in, y'know. I get it. Like, my bros know I'm capable, they just like to play big brothers. Of course, fixing my mistakes and screw-ups was a different story. Like, before all…this."

It was a weird and touchy subject, _this_. The looks that Leo was now giving him were of wonder, of guilt, of _why didn't you ever just admit it?_ But it almost didn't matter now.

Mike inhaled, reaching out, pulling at the energies of the plants around him the way Little Mikey had shown, wrapping himself in the gentle coolness of peace and growth. It really did soothe the nerves. He nodded.

Little Mikey had begun to wander around a little more, half in the shadows as if he belonged there. Mike simply smiled and concentrated just a little more on a tree alongside the bench.

In the back of his mind, in the quiet part of his keen hearing, Mike heard his counterpart make a tiny "h-ah… _hkh_ …" noise, something soft and shuddered and startled, like a sudden scrape or a cold gust of sudden wind. They got those all the time.

But then the fog slammed into his mind.

Mike jolted back, eyes flying open. He could barely sense anything, let alone his younger self. He turned his head a fraction, and saw nothing but Little Mikey's face melt into a wide shadow that did not look like a shadow, bright blue eyes wide with shocked terror, mouth open in a ready shriek.

And then he was gone.

And then he was _gone_.

Mike blinked, blinked again. Something—what? Something happened. It…no. No, but…he was…he was right there! Right _there!_ Right _there._ He…

Mike stared at the shadows of trees and stone, his heart pounding. What _was_ it? What _happened?_

A flash, quick and painful. Little Mikey's face contorting into that startled then horrified grimace, something _physically_ pulling him into the darkness. The rush of fog.

Mike's head was being filled with fog. It pressed in, it filled him, it pushed through every crack and barrier and wall and door and room.

He couldn't think. He couldn't feel. No. _No_. Wait, it couldn't…no. No…

_Mikey? Little Me? Kid? Can you hear me? Mikey?!_

The fog was pressing in, bringing with it a sound like crashing waves, roaring waters, pure white noise.

_Mikey? Little Mike? MIKEY!_

There was nothing.

There was

nothing

He grabbed his head, dragged to his knees, his whole body being pressed and constricted. _No…stop…no! No no no no no, this isn't right, this isn't happening, he was right here, he was RIGHT HERE! STOP NO HE WAS HERE HE'S SUPPOSED TO_

_he can't just_

_wait_

_why is…where…where is…_

Time seemed to stop.

Something stabbed him in the skull, and Mike collapsed forward, hands and palms and fingers skidding and scraping the ground, not even sure if he was screaming. But when the pain receded and he scrabbled to his feet, there was no more thinking. There was only instinct.

Aiming his confused breathless body toward the path to home, Mike picked up speed and began to run.

* * *

Mikey was dreaming.

Mikey was floating.

It was a strange dream and it didn't feel like a dream, but it didn't feel like an astral projection or even a projection deep into his own mind. It was endless fog stretching out beyond anything, and inside the fog there were voices, strong and harsh. There was movement, bumpy and jarring and shaky. The smells of oil and gasoline and metal and plastic and rust and copper. The sound of water lapping up against old wood creaking.

His neck hurt, his neck was stiff and throbbing and there was a tiny spot that felt like a deep scratch, like a thorn or a claw or a sting. It was burning, that tiny spot.

He hurt. He couldn't think. He couldn't feel. There was only the fog, and it was freezing, and it took everything he was.

Mikey went back to sleep.

It was better this way.

* * *

The manhole cover slipped again under his bloodied raw hands and he cursed long and hard, screaming against teeth that might shatter against each other. A hundred pound metal circle should be nothing; what was _wrong_ with him? He felt his muscles shiver with a bizarre fatigue. In his head he screamed until it was a howl, a sliver of psychic energy burst through, and finally the metal scraped enough for him to slide it and fall through. He barely caught himself on the ladder. He slid all the way down and kept running, slipping, splashing, unfocused, his head too heavy, his eyes burning.

When he got to the access panel for the lair's entrance, Mike only just barely got it correct, and as the entrance opened and he threw himself into the lair, time finally seemed to stop again. He was on his knees, blood welling up from his ruined hands, spilling around him, and he could barely call up that power that Little Mikey had taught him, that healing factor – how did it go? Ask the energy? Wait for the flow to access itself? How—how—it was supposed to be _easy_ why was his head so _heavy_ …

"—key! MIKEY!"

A slap stung his face. Panting, he brought himself into focus, feeling his heavy eyelids flutter open. His sight was full of Raph, golden eyes angry and horrified.

"The _hell_ , Mikey, what _happened_? What happened to your _hands?_ Where's the kid? What's going on? Mike, where's Freckles? What happened? Are you okay? Mikey?! _Say something_!"

He shivered, shook his head. The fog was just starting to lift, and he could feel himself again, his own mind, his own thoughts, his own power gifted.

He couldn't feel Little Mikey.

He couldn't feel his link to Little Mikey.

He made some sort of sound. He was taken by the upper arms, hauled to his feet, someone was pressing soft gauze against his hands and he cried out; there was no skin on his hands, there was dirt and gravel and it _hurt_ and in his ear April was whispering that it was all right, he would be all right, just come over here, stand here; and he was leaned against cool metal, there was water running, his hands placed under gentle water and he fought back a sob. Hands again, all over him: April, Don, Splinter. He sat down. He looked at his hands. Don and April were quickly wrapping each with heavy gauze and it still didn't seem enough. He could feel the thick slimy slickness of the antibiotic ointments as the bandages squished against the mix of blood, fluid, goo, and sheer flesh. But finally, finally, that little tap, that access, that flow that was supposed to be the source of the M'Kari telekinetic healing…he felt open wider and respond almost guiltily, as though the force of energy _itself_ had feelings. After several very long breaths, he felt his hands go a little numb.

Mike finally opened his eyes all the way and looked around.

Every single family member, transdimensional kids including, was staring at him with wide frightened eyes. But he focused hard on Little Red, Little Raph, the boy with the bright emerald eyes who had the deepest connection to—

"Can you feel him?" he rasped.

Little Raph jerked, his head snapping back a little. Casey steadied him. "Uh…what?"

"Can…" Mike drew in a cold breath, winced. "Can you feel him? Your link. Your _connection,_ that bond you have. _Can you feel Mikey_?"

Little Raph frowned. He paused. Then his skin turned almost greenish-gray. His knees shook. Raphael and Casey held him up.

"I…" his neon eyes were pinpricks. "I can't…I can't link to him. I can't feel him."

Mike felt his heart plummet.

Little Raph whirled on the other kids, shaking. "Guys, feel for him. Please tell me you can feel him!"

Little Donnie, who had been almost vibrating in his desire to help, suddenly sagged, his lanky body seeming to fold in on itself. Little Leo was a statue. Nothing had changed, nothing but the rampant rippling tension in his entire musculature, the way his mouth trembled at the corners, the way his pupils dilated, the way his hands shook just slightly.

"No," he whispered.

As one, they looked at Mike.

"What…"

Little Blue's voice, almost always steady and controlled and just a little adorable, was low and gravelly and grating.

"What happened to our brother?"

And Mike looked him in the eye, from darker blue to russet brown to acid green.

"He's gone," he murmured. The cold feeling settled in deeper."Something took him. Something grabbed him and blocked our connection. Mikey's gone. I can't feel him. He's cut off. He's gone."

* * *

Mikey couldn't open his eyes at first. The chilled, painful fog in his head weighed him down ridiculously. Voices floated around him still, and now a humming sound, a whirring noise like metal fans and computer equipment; he would know sounds like that anywhere. He struggled to think. Where was his memory? Where had he been before this? His thoughts were sluggish, a forming memory was incredibly hazy, and then it was very, very slowly bleeding in color from the edges. He remembered hanging out in Central Park, checking out some flowers and a tree talking to his bigger counterpart, focusing on something Big Mike had said about Big Leo, and skill versus talent. And then…something? What? Two huge, gloved hands, human hands, on his shoulders from behind. Another hand wrapping around his mouth. A slash of a thin blade against his neck, a tiny trickle of blood. Liquid filling him, the way he could _feel_ it. Hands again grabbing him, and he was falling, he was falling backward, and there was a voice. A man's voice was saying something about being fast, about a truck.

 _A blade coated with liquid_ —

The way his eyes had closed without his permission, the way his body had instantly numbed, the way his mind seemed to detach entirely…

_A serum…a poison?_

The way he lashed out with his power and came up against fog that felt like thick glass, like Plexiglass and stronger, no cracks, no fragility. The way he beat against it and beat against it like a frantic bird, wings bruising and starting to break. There was no way out. He spun the energy in circles. No way out. He couldn't move. He couldn't _move_. The power was there, it was _there,_ it was rushing through his body and pushing at him and grabbing after whatever _fluid_ had gone into his body and chasing and chasing but it was too late and he had fallen…

_Paralysis._

And his mind was shut off from the outside, and suddenly horror crashed through him, a pulsating hollow emptiness of a missing part.

Something had shut him down.

Something had cut off his link to outside.

That meant his counterpart Michelangelo…

That meant _Raph—_

Oh. Oh god, _no._

His brothers. His brothers couldn't _feel him_.

In his head, Mikey screamed and screamed and screamed. It was the only thing he could do.

And then, there was a voice. There was a strong sting, a needle in his elbow, and the fog lifted just slightly. It wasn't enough, but his own power burning inside him burned higher and brighter as it fought tooth and nail with the _thing_ inside his veins, in his muscles, in his _head_ , in his brain, this…this toxin, this foreign _substance_ that was strong enough to keep him from doing anything except move inside his own mind…

"Stop fighting," said the voice.

There was a warm, human hand pressed almost gently, almost lovingly, against the muscles of his neck, a thumb caressing the thick scab that had already formed over the cut. "Look at that," a man murmured. "Marvelous. Beautiful. Fascinating."

Mikey tried to move. His fingers spasmed. Power was there, slow and dull, and he heard something rattle and tip over.

"No, no, no, sshhh," the voice said again. "None of that, little one. We can't have that. It's too much. Just this. Just enough. I'm crafty, you see. I'm creative, I'm very ingenious. My lab, the entire room is protected by a very special energy field. It's a little like the psionic blocker that's now coursing through you, do you see?"

Mikey didn't see. He couldn't. He managed to squeeze his eyelids and making a tiny moaning sound.

"That's it. There you go. Come on around now. Take a look at what we've done for you."

There was a shuffling. The voice said, "Lower the lights just a little, please."

Twitching again, Mikey opened his eyes, focusing. There was a concrete ceiling. He was lying on a metal table. He was strapped down to a metal table.

A man was looming over him.

If Mikey hadn't been so confused, terrified, and numb, he might have burst out laughing.

The man had very pale skin. He was extremely tall, and thin, and he wore a black business suit with black sunglasses. A white lab coat was draped over his shoulders, hanging loosely. In one hand, he held a scalpel, and on his face was a very wide grin.

"Hello, there, new little Michelangelo," the man said. "I've been observing your energy signatures since yesterday. My name is John Bishop, and you are my wonderful new experiment."

* * *

Mike had never seen his family so still, so silent, so determined. Don at his computers, hunting and tracking with Little Don right alongside. Little Raph pacing and growling while Raph demolished a practice dummy and a punching bag. The two Leos, side by side, flowing in perfect harmony through kata after kata. And he sat there, on that couch, his sweet Klunk pressed to his side, feeling numb and detached. He stared at his hands.

April and Casey sat on either side, watching him carefully. He had run out of words after explaining everything that had happened. His hands were hot and itching. He began to slowly pick at the bandages without thinking.

"Whoa, Mike, I don't think that's a good idea."

_Shut up, Casey, this isn't your fight._

"Mikey, can I get you more water? Should we change the bandages?

_I'm fine, April, stop talking._

He was unwrapping the first layers. Their hands were on him, they were talking to him like a child. He ignored them. Splinter was there, his sweet sensei, saying things, trying to hold his hands. He growled. His hands were _hot_ and they were _itching_. He managed to get almost all the gauze off of his left hand before they pulled him back.

He heard all three of them gasp.

His left hand was scabbed over, bright red, no longer bleeding.

"How…" April blinked slowly.

Mike merely unwrapped his other hand.

"Michelangelo," Splinter whispered.

He didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear that tone in his sensei's voice, the one he'd heard so many years ago. The one that insisted he could be so great. Mike flexed his fingers slowly. The skin was growing back, he could _feel_ it. Itching. Tingling. Heated.

"Holy shit," Casey muttered.

"Guys!" Don called out. Mike glanced up. Don and Little Donnie were standing in the lab's doorway, looking stunned and in despair.

Everyone stopped what they were going.

"Did you guys find something?" Leo asked in a low, cool voice.

"There's some sort of interference preventing me from completely tracking Little Mikey's T-Phone," Don said. He paused. "But…but I recognize some of the code. It's been used against us before."

Beside him, the tall, slender Little Don was shivering, obviously traumatized by whatever Donnie had found.

Raph instantly stomped over and demanded, "What? What did you find? Who is it? Who took the kid?"

Don bit his lip and squared his shoulders.

"Bishop," he whispered. "It's John Bishop. He's back."

The lair exploded into chaos.


	10. Chapter 10

What a day  
I can barely keep my eyes wide open  
I don't wanna see straight  
What a day  
Feels like my breath is heavy again  
And I'm totally faded

Come to me  
Come to me  
I am waiting for you  
Come to me  
I can't wait

Follow me, follow me  
As I trip the darkness  
One more time  
Follow me, follow me  
I awake from madness  
Just in time

What a day  
Seconds, minutes and hours spill over  
There's no time here in space  
What a day  
I see beauty in everything  
But the world is still fading away

Come to me  
Come to me  
I am waiting for you  
Come to me  
I can't wait

Follow me, follow me  
As I trip the darkness  
One more time  
Follow me, follow me  
I awake from madness  
Just in time

What a day  
I can barely keep my eyes wide open  
I don't wanna see straight  
What a day  
Seconds, minutes and hours spill over  
There's no time here in space

Come to me come to me  
Come to me come to me  
Come to me come to me  
I am waiting for you

Follow me, follow me  
As I trip the darkness  
One more time  
Follow me, follow me  
I awake from madness  
One more time

-Lacuna Coil, "Trip The Darkness"

* * *

Chapter Ten

Mikey was dreaming. He had to be dreaming. _Please_ let this be a dream, he begged his tired brain.

His tired brain turned away, silent.

The first round of cuts, the first slice of the scalpel, it was all right. Endorphins rushed in and the healing factor awoke like a sleeping fanged beast. The man who called himself John Bishop grinned toothily and whispered gently, encouragingly, running his fingers down the side of Mikey's face. It was…easy.

The slice on his cheek went from below the edge of his left eye to his jaw, the blade moving from side to side, widening the gap of skin just enough. It was quickly repeated on the other side, exactly.

Mikey didn't make a _sound_. He barely even clenched his teeth, or any muscle. He would be calm and relaxed, he would maintain serenity.

It took a bit of concentration.

A while ago, months ago, Mikey and Donnie had started testing the healing factor under various conditions, but quickly learned that there wasn't much of a pattern, which irritated Don. A small wound or a large wound, they healed at different rates and different times, and it was hard to predict. One time, it was twenty seconds. One time, it was six hours. And those were deliberately, reluctantly, created with Leo's katana and fierce precision. Mikey had watched his legs in complete fascination, as the left one almost made a sucking sound from deep within the incision, and twenty seconds later there was a long scab. The right leg, however…Donnie had begun to fidget anxiously, which got worse after the first half hour. Mikey wound up using a lot of empathic energy to soothe him. They just kept the leg bandaged, stared at the blood seeping through. Mikey had had so much electrolyte solution pumped into him, by IV and orally, that after the fourth hour, he felt bloated. When the scabbing finally happened, Mikey told Raph to drag Donnie to bed. And then spent hours resisting the urge to scratch and pick. While Leo stood over him and watched him.

Now, Mikey was scared. Breathing very, very slowly, Mikey felt the hot, electric pinpricks rise under his skin, knitting flesh and tissue, fluid moving, cells gathering. He heard the ticktick of a timer. The man kept _staring_.

Finally he felt the skin move, the edges smoothing together, cells rushing faster. Bishop slapped the timer, then smiled at it. "Ten seconds! And both at the same time, very good. Now, having hacked into Donatello's records and reading up on what you've done so far," and Mikey turned cold, "I'll surmise that there's no predictable pattern. But I believe there is. I just need to find it. And then I can manipulate it."

 _Manipulate_ it? Oh, gods.

Mikey flexed his wrists and ankles, testing the metal restraints. They were incredibly thick. His telekinesis was dampened too much. His heart began to pound a little harder.

Bishop glanced upward, audibly tapped his tongue to the roof of his mouth. "Your vitals are rising. You seem upset, Little Michelangelo. Nervous? Scared? You don't have to be. It'll be all right. I promise."

The scalpel twirled between his fingers. His eyes, behind the sunglasses, roamed over Mikey's face, and Mikey cringed. "Well," Bishop murmured, and placed the tip of the scalpel between Mikey's eyes, directly in the center of his forehead. "They do talk quite a lot about a third eye and all…"

_No. Please. No. Please… No. No no no no nooo…_

It was only when the tip dug coldly into his skin that Mikey let out his first small cry.

* * *

"What. The. Fuck. Is. Bishop. Still. Doing." And Raph sounded ready to tear apart the lab with his bare hands, as Don, Leo, and Casey strategically stood between him and the tracking equipment.

Little Raph's eyes were still impossibly wide, and he was shaking, and he was staring at Little Donnie. Little Donnie had grabbed Little Leo, and they were in a tiny huddle. Little Donnie was speaking in a rapid clipped pace. Mike managed to catch "Not anything like ours…" and "immortal…" and "tried to vivisect…" And the fog pushed inward still, trying to spread, and he recalled that one meditation where Little Mikey had shown him that ball of elements, and now he rolled his own to surround himself. The fog became muted, but only a little.

Anger pierced through, hot and huge. Empty promises. No. How _dare_ he. They would be left _alone_ …except, these kids weren't _them._ Mike stomped out of the lair, stretching out his fists. He was tense and tight all over. He needed to meditate. No, the was no _time._ He had no idea what was happening. He couldn't feel anything. For all he knew, his little counterpart could be—

"Mike?"

Halfway to the dojo, he paused and slowly turned around. It was Little Leo. He looked…lost. Scared. Not how any Leo should look. Mike's entire body softened. He waited until the shorter turtle walked right up to him.

"What do you think we should do?" And the authority in his voice belied the fear and worry on his face.

Mike closed his eyes, nodding. "I have an idea." He stared directly into the boy's ocean blue eyes, which didn't flicker or blink. "You have a link to Mikey where you can help him on the spirit plane, right?" Little Leo nodded.

"My Leo is pretty fantastic at reaching the astral plane. And your Raphie can link to Mikey's telepathy. What if we meditated deeply enough until we penetrated some of the fog?"

Little Leo did blink, and nodded rapidly. He turned around. "Guys! Mike – this Mike – has a really good idea!" As the others came running, Mike explained again, and Little Raph's eyes lit up. Little Don said, excitedly, "I could try and feel his physical condition. Both Leos could try and see or hear his surroundings. Leo – my Leo – could help guide us with your Leo's assistance. And Master Splinter supervising of course," which he directed at the gray rat with a bow.

Raph clapped his hands and cracked his knuckles. "I like how this is happening. Quick and easy, no suspense."

"Well," Don said, "don't get your hopes up. It could be hours. It could be days before we really find Bishop's current hideout."

"Don't spoil the high, Brainiac."

Mike bit his lip and tried not to pace again. A furry touch against his ankle made him smile. He crouched and pet Klunk thoroughly, listening to the deeply satisfying purr. Klunk had stayed with Little Mikey when he slept. Klunk was always comforting. Mike tried to absorb that purr into his very soul.

Klunk, as if understanding, reared up and put his front paws on Mike's plastron, nuzzling his face hard. He licked Mike's cheeks, chirped, and Mike felt the purr reverberate through every cell in his body.

His face suddenly hurt, both cheeks, like sudden heavy sting.

The world slowly fell away.

He was in the fog again, a white void, and there was a gigantic bonsai tree, reaching up unending. Two people were staring at him, frowning, a very tall man with waist-length red hair and a very pale woman with black hair who seemed to be made of stars and night.

 _Hello?_ A young woman's voice came from somewhere behind him.

Mike turned, floating, and just barely saw a teenage girl; her eyes were feline, the tips of her ears feline.

 _You're not my Mikey._ But she reached out a hand, lifted her head a little, and Mike watched the muscles beneath the skin of her throat ripple. A long, soft purr reached him.

She was…purring.

He was yanked out, and he yelled in surprise, face stinging again, this time like a knife slice. When he opened his eyes, both Donnies were staring at him. Klunk was sitting, watching him, still purring.

"You okay, Mikey?" Don asked gently.

"I…" He glanced at his cat. "I was…meditating? I don't know. Klunk was purring at me. And then I saw the image of this girl…like, a mutant cat person? Purring."

Little Donnie sucked in a breath. "Gaia," he gasped. "She's trying to reach us."

Don frowned. "Mikey's…girlfriend?"

Little Don spun around. "Guys, dojo, now! Mike saw Gaia!"

And wordlessly, Little Leo and Little Raph hurried into the dojo, as Mike and his brothers frowned at each other.

* * *

"Whoops, I think the serum is wearing off," Bishop said softly. "That's not an issue."

And the sight of the long, thick syringe made Mikey's fists clench, and he felt a single burst of energy, just enough to knock the tall man off his feet, the satisfying thud making him smile through the pain. His face _hurt_. Bishop had carved a tiny square into his forehead, carefully lifting the piece of layered skin and tissue, dripping blood, setting it on the tray, taking a huge gauze pad and pressing it to the very open wound. Some blood was still seeping down his face, but the wound had closed. Mikey tried to remember to _breathe_.

The tall thin man got back up, grinned sharply, and lightning quick plunged the needle into Mikey's left arm. Mikey bit back a scream.

"Very good, there we go. Shh, easy. Try to relax or the bruising could be worse. Then again, I'd love to see how that goes." Bishop smiled down at him and placed the syringe on the tray. He turned his head. "Doctor, how are his vitals?"

"Steady," a new voice said, another man, higher and just as cold. "Although anxiety and anger is fairly high. I suggest a sedative."

"You and your sedatives. I promise, it'll be okay, Baxter."

Mikey held his breath. Baxter? Baxter _Stockman?_

He managed to life his head just enough to see a robot body, one of the hands holding another syringe.

"You say that now, but the serum is almost as unpredictable as the turtle's psionics; I need to make sure he cannot abruptly access his telekinesis any more than he just did."

And as the rest of the cyborg came into view, Mikey held back another scream: There was no head. Stockman had no head. Just a jar containing a brain with an eye, a single eye, connected by loose tissue, staring at him. Just a brain and an eye.

As the cyborg came even closer, Mikey let out a loud whimper and started to cry. Again, John Bishop made soothing noises as Baxter Stockman injected him in his right arm. "Hold that arm, Baxter, please. That one's next."

"Use a larger one, John. Their skin is incredibly thick."

"I know!"

"No, John. I mean it's slightly different from the turtles we know. These other-dimensional turtles really do have slightly thicker skin."

"Oh, well, in that case…"

Mikey watched, eyes wide, as Bishop picked up another scalpel, larger, thicker. He could already feel his body loosening, everything relaxing. The cyborg's grip on his elbow loosened a little. _No, gods, no, what's he doing?_

Bishop started at the shoulder. Carefully, with surgical precision, he began to cut, and dragged the scalpel's tip down, down, down, stopping just before the wrists.

Mikey screamed inside his head the entire time.

"I am going to go over it again, separate the tissue a little more," Bishop said, in monotone.

When the sharp edge touched his shoulder again, Mikey did scream, as loud as he could.

* * *

The group meditation was frantic and crammed. Leo and Splinter struggled to get the kids under control as they snarled and snapped. Finally, with Splinter as an anchor, Leo managed to fling them gently into the astral plane, and almost lost control as he muttered "wait, this isn't the right place" and slipped, landing on his shell in front of a thick bonsai tree that went on forever.

"Again? Wait, finally, there's the rest of them." A very thick Norwegian accent cut across the confusion.

Mike scrabbled to his feet as he heard Little Leo gasp out, "Loki! Hecate!"

Don narrowed his eyes "Who?"

As the larger turtles stood and got their bearings, the younger turtles were already shoulder to shoulder, facing two humans – what looked like humans. Mike struggled to remember them from Little Mikey's memory.

"Loki," Little Raph growled. "You had better not be playing a joke."

The very tall man, who had to be at least seven feet, put up his hands and smirked. "Not even a little, Raphael. Nobody brought you here but you. Well, the bigger, older Michelangelo. And Miss Mako, who still fascinates me."

"Where is Gaia?" Little Don said, with a hint of desperation.

"Your girlfriend is in meditation, same as you."

"She's not…she's Mikey's gi-"

"You're adorable, Donatello. Shut up. Hecate, Apollo, and I have been boosting her to contact you, through your sexual bond," and Little Donnie blushed deeply, "but we wound up with young Michelangelo's older counterpart, through their own unique connection." His slim chin jerked in Mike's direction. "Quite a mind, there. I enjoy exploring it."

Mike automatically touched his temples, his eyes wide. Wait, this Loki person was in his head?

At the same time Raph, stepped in front of him. "Get outta my brother's head, you weirdo. Who are you, mythology cosplayers?"

Loki's green eyes flashed and seemed to glow. The black-haired woman who seemed like midnight put a hand on his chest.

Little Leo turned to Raph. "Um…actually, they're gods. Loki and Hecate, the real thing."

"Yes and no," and Hecate's mellifluous voice seemed to wash over them like a breeze. "Gods may or may not exist in the reality occupied by humans. However, smaller incarnations of gods can inhabit individual human minds as…hmmm…coping mechanisms, I guess? We exist in Michelangelo's spiritual mind. The truth behind our existence is not what any of us are here to debate. Be satisfied with this answer: We occupy a different dimension entirely."

Raph didn't move out of the way. Mike carefully stepped around him, not listening to his brother's snarl, and moved closer. Okay. Well. You're here. We're here. Can you help us find Little Me?"

Hecate shook her head. "No. But we can help boost your own search in our own way. We can bridge that dimensional gap between you and Gaia Mako. You mentioned a cat purring. Your own little cat, Klunk, was matching Gaia's purr frequency, which led to your vision."

Mike nodded, biting his lip.

Loki folded his arms as he and both Raphaels locked eyes.

Hecate smiled, shaking her head, and closed her eyes.

A form shimmered in front of the great tree. As it got solid, Mike recognized the girl from Little Mikey's memories.

"Gaia!" and Little Don didn't hesitate to rush over and hug her.

"Oh, Donnie, thank the universe! Are you guys okay? Those bigger yous…is it another dimension?" The girl grasped Donnie's face in her small hands, gently rubbing a cat-like nose against his beak.

Little Raph moved in for a hug, and the girl kissed him on the mouth, patting his cheek.

"Okay, I see it now. Dear gods, there's really two of you. Have you destroyed anything yet?"

Little Raph smirked. "We did beat up a gang and set their warehouse on fire."

"Raphael!" Little Leo glared at him, but smiled warmly when the girl took both his hands and squeezed them. "Let them play, this is a new world."

She gazed out at the other four, her amber feline eyes dilating went she saw Mike. "Oh. Wow. You're…you're him, but…but not…but…oh my gods…" She walked to him, limping on her left leg slightly, and held out both hands palms up. Instinctively, Mike took her hands and felt a rush of indescribable warmth and gentleness. Gaia's eyes roamed him, taking in his different skin and shell and scars.

Suddenly her eyes filled with tears. A tiny sob escaped her. Mike caught her when she threw her arms around his neck. "It's okay," she said in his ear slit. "It'll be okay."

The younger kids were staring at her, then each other. Little Raph's eyes were narrowed, his fists clenched.

In his arms, Gaia Mako suddenly giggled and turned her face away. "Don't be jealous, Raph, it's silly." And she returned to hugging him.

"Are we done?" Loki muttered.

Gaia jumped down, spun on her right leg and rolled her eyes. "Oh, shut up. I'm saying hello."

She looked up at Raph and grinned. But she didn't say a word. Raph shuffled a little, and grinned back unexpectedly. Mike was left wondering what passed between them.

"I'm just glad I found you," Gaia said, looking solemnly at her own world's young turtles. "I found out where Mikey is. It was fucking hard, but I did it."

Little Raph whimpered slightly, his body nearly vibrating, and Mike suddenly felt light-headed, even in this astral environment. He tried to take a deep breath and found himself floating. He grounded himself as much as he could. And he struggled to breathe under that psychic fog.

* * *

The skin and muscle on his other arm parted like nothing under the scalpel, and Mikey couldn't stop screaming, even with the sedative. The metal hands holding him down bit into his bloody shoulders like ice. The fog in his mind surged forth even stronger and he couldn't _move._

As he squeezed his eyes shut, he felt towels and gauze mopping up the blood, and he felt eyes staring at him, staring at him, always staring. The healing factor was racing through him, struggling, and he could _feel_ the deep insides of both shoulders close up, moving as fast as it could toward his skin. It made him shiver. It was all he could focus on.

And then Bishop paused – Mikey _felt_ him grin again – and then the scalpel poked the top of his left thigh. Right where his old scar from the Alchemist was.

_No. Please. Not there. Not there. Anywhere—anything—no, not that not that not that, no no no…_

He couldn't stop the howl that tore from his throat as the flesh of his thigh opened, and the nightmare came pouring through.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Author's Note: Warning. Torture. It might be gross. Sorry. Not sorry. Also, my arms are very tired. Writing a lot works out a bunch of small muscles.
> 
> I meant to ask what you guys think about Gaia. I created her as a kind, calm girl friend that Mikey could relate to who was not April, a kind of yin to his yang, and then she unexpectedly turned into a girlfriend who pulled Mikey's brothers into their relationship. She was always pansexual and polyamorous. But I had not originally planned on her becoming the "comfort lover" for all four brothers plus Karai. Interestingly enough, I had planned on a flirty thing with Donnie or Raph. I feel like Gaia needed to be created so the Mikey in my AU could have a friend to really rely on and connect with in ways he couldn't with anyone else, and so that there was another human turned mutant the family could share their experiences with.
> 
> Also, I listened to a whole bunch of "epic music" and "extreme music" on YouTube while writing this chapter, including the songs quoted here. There are YouTube channels for it; I recommend "Epic Music Channel," "Jennyni20," and "Trailer Music World". One of my favorite composers is Thomas Bergersen, who has done a lot of film trailer and video game music, I recommend his song "Children Of The Sun" for a great TMNT fanfiction soundtrack. Also, check out James Paget's "Together As One" - the version with TMNT as the background image, of course.)

For so long I was looking for the answers,  
Waiting for dawn in the darkness of disaster no,  
I found a way,  
Broke through the chains,  
Now I got a way,  
Following this above  
I'm marching on  
(Get Ready),  
We're not afraid anymore,  
Don't close your eyes,  
Not afraid anymore,  
This is the night,  
They may run but we are not afraid (afraid),  
Now I'm the one that they try to run away from,  
Victory comes, I've got gold running through my blood,  
I found a way,  
Broke through the chains,  
Now I got a way,  
Following this above  
I'm marching on  
(Get Ready),  
We're not afraid anymore,  
Don't close your eyes,  
Not afraid anymore,  
This is the night,  
They may run but we are not afraid (afraid),  
Can't stop,  
Can't get enough, I've got gold running through my blood,  
Get up,  
Get all you want,  
I've got gold running through my blood,  
We're not afraid anymore,  
Don't close your eyes,  
Not afraid anymore,  
This is the night,  
They may run but we are not afraid (afraid),  
We are not afraid  
(I found a way, Broke through the chains,  
Now I got a way,  
Following this above I'm marching on)

-Mountains vs Machines, "Not Afraid"

* * *

I'm burning white  
I'm a beacon in the night  
Faster than light  
If you stay you'll feel my might  
I'm off the scale  
The fuse inside has failed  
My safety's blown  
I'm a radiation zone

I'm going nuclear  
Hotter than the surface of the sun  
Smoking like a gun  
I'm going nuclear  
I'll melt through anything that's in my way  
I'm brighter than the day  
I'm going nuclear  
I'm going nuclear

Don't get too close  
In my core it's raining fire  
I'll overload  
If my temperature gets higher  
You'll be exposed  
To my limitless desire  
Out of control  
A reaction I can't hold

I'm going nuclear  
Hotter than the surface of the sun  
Smoking like a gun  
I'm going nuclear  
I'll melt through anything that's in my way  
I'm brighter than the day

I'm going nuclear  
Faster than a particle of light  
Gonna burn all through the night  
I'll melt through anything that's in my way  
I'm brighter than the day  
I'm going nuclear  
I'm going nuclear

-Nik Ammar, "Nuclear"

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

Mikey was deep in a void of terror, and a very distant part of him was aware that his right leg had been sliced into while the left was barely healing. The very distant part kept screaming that there was blood leaking, that he needed to fix it. He felt it echo painfully. He kept falling, and he kept hearing the voice of the Alchemist, laughing, teasing, telling him that he would die and his brothers would die. His left leg was on fire. His plastron was on fire. His left lung wasn't working. His heart struggled.

Mikey was dying. The Alchemist was killing him.

He cried into the darkness, and felt cold hands wrap around his wrists. Someone yanked him down, flipped him upright, settled him on cold marble stone. He bent forward, sucking in thin strips of oxygen that wasn't there. A pair of familiar, three-fingered hands covered in scars shoved against his chest a few times, and suddenly his shattered ribs were whole, his lung expanding. Gasping, Mikey straightened and stared right into the endless dark eye sockets of his neurological self, the damaged, cracked psychic clone he called Neural Mikey.

"Hey there," Neural Mikey said with a wide, empty grin, cracked at the edges.

"What's happening?" Mikey gasped.

"Everything hurts like hell," Neural Mikey said cheerfully. "Let's go swing on a nice axon and talk about it!"

"I c-can't move," Mikey whispered.

"Yes, you can. It's the trauma. Move away from it, you're not in the middle of it anymore. I pulled you out." Neural Mikey squeezed his hands. "Come on. Just a foot. There's no trauma here. You're okay."

Mikey whimpered. "N-N…I…" His right foot twitched and suddenly lurched. He would have stumbled, but his psychic self caught him.

"C'mon, let's walk. Remember when Donatello did this with you? I'll be nice." He patted Mikey's plastron gently.

Slowly, Mikey reached a stretch of neuronal web, but his knees gave out and Neural Mikey grabbed him. The stone floor _hurt_. He couldn't remember it hurting. Flashes of darker color shot across the cell bodies surrounding him; axons trembled. "Damn it," Neural Mikey muttered, "hang on." One of his arms flung out and sparked with blue electric impulse. Mikey squeezed his eyes shut and panted.

"Sorry about that. We're kind of falling apart a little. The healing power can only take so much. Bishop isn't playing around. He's going for your plastron next."

"Bishop," Mikey muttered. "He's a bad guy here. Bishop. Not the…not…the…Al…"

"You don't have to say his name if you don't want to," Neural Mikey said kindly.

"I want to g-go h-home…"

"I know, kiddo. It's being worked on."

Mikey breathed deeply. "Donnie can do it."

"Sure he can," the raspy voice said soothingly. "Both of them, they're working on it. Gaia, too."

Mikey blinked. "Gaia? Wait, how? She's…"

"A very, very long range telepath," Neural Mikey said patiently. "What did you think that meant?"

"Yeah but…through other dimensions?"

Neural Mikey shrugged. "Physics is funny like that."

Mikey shivered and curled on the floor. "I don't feel well. I hope they come find me."

Neural Mikey sat cross-legged and rubbed his arm. "Yeah. They will. It won't be long." He trailed off, and was silent.

* * *

Gaia had conjured an image of a map, and was using her index finger to draw a line. "Okay, we're here. And…here's where Bishop is. This…this general area. But I think I can pinpoint it a little better. With help."

Big Don nodded. "I know where that is. Literally the other end of the city. But there are no buildings in that area. Nothing but docks and the river."

He paused. His finger drew an uncertain line. "Wait. Shit. Shiiit." He stared at her. "It's on the river, isn't it."

She bit her lip, nodding.

"An island," Big Mike whispered.

"Please tell me you have a boat," Little Raph sighed.

The older turtles looked at each other and grinned.

"Oh, we have a boat," Big Raph said toothily. "We got a big fucking boat."

"What do you call it?" Little Don asked.

Leo smirked. "The Shell Sub."

"Oh, _nice_. Remind me to invent something like it when we get home."

"Guys," Gaia said.

They looked at her. She looked pale and shaky. Little Raph quickly wrapped his arms around her from behind.

"I can't stretch that far on my own, I can only show you where I think it is. But I need a boost."

"Here," the Hecate incarnation called out, and lifted her hand. A small sphere of pure energy drifted from her hand. Closing her eyes, Gaia caught it, squeezed her fist, and inhaled, leaning against Little Raph. She opened her eyes, which glowed gold for an instant.

"That's better. Okay. Give me a second." She stared at the map, cat eyes in a very narrow slit.

She burst into tears. Little Raph's arms was the only thing keeping her on her feet.

"He's…Bishop is _vivisecting_ him to test the healing factor."

Little Raph and Big Mike turned deathly pale.

* * *

A distant part of Mikey was screaming, screaming, was running out of breath to scream, was running out of blood to bleed. Mikey stayed on the checkered stone floor, shivering. Slowly, he lifted his head, meeting Neural Mikey's eyeless sockets, which were crackling with electricity. "I need to get out of here."

Neural Mikey frowned. "And go where? That serum they keep injecting you with keeps you in your own brain."

Mikey burst into tears. "I don't know. I don't know. What do I do? He's killing me. He poisoned me and he's killing my brothers!"

"Dude, no, it's not that battle anymore. Remember? You're not on that planet anymore. Wrong memory." But that blacked, cracked arm didn't stop moving, the scarred hand didn't stop rubbing circles up and down his arm and shoulder. "This one is John Bishop. You're in a different reality, your counterparts are older, and Agent Bishop is a creepy human immortal who likes experimenting on mutants. Right now he keeps cutting you to test your healing factor." Neural Mikey paused, lifting his head. "And right _now_ he and Baxter Stockman are mopping up all the blood and feeding you replenishing fluids. They want to keep you breathing, at least until the healing factor tires out. Your body is taking it surprisingly well. But your left thigh isn't closing up very well. Imagine that."

Dragging in a breath, Mikey pushed himself off the floor. "I'm gonna go look."

"You sure? It's kind of ugly."

"You're kind of ugly."

"Fair enough." Neural Mikey's scarred smirk gave him a bit of strength. "But I'm pulling you back in here if it gets worse. It'll probably get worse."

Mikey straightened his spine and lifted his chin. "I'm a ninja. I can take it."

Neural Mikey sighed. "Yeah, that's my you." He snapped his fingers. Mikey was caught in a fierce gust of wind and darkness, and light exploded everywhere.

His eyes opened quickly. A brain with an eye attached stared down at him. "Oh, there you are. You passed out. You were about to miss the best part."

Mikey felt his breath quicken. _He's going for your plastron next._

"N-no," he managed to rasp.

Someone chuckled.

Mikey turned his head right and left, taking in the towels and gauze soaked in blood, the IV needles in both his arms, the bloody scalpels and syringes on the tray table, the fresh scars on both his arms.

John Bishop approached. In his right hand, he held a small electric reciprocating saw. Mikey recognized it from medical shows on television.

And then Bishop turned it on.

The rotation and vibration of that blade, the way it looked like a row of shivering teeth, bore into Mikey's mind, and he inwardly cringed.

"No?" Bishop asked in a soft voice. "That's not really an option you have, little one."

Mikey stared at the whirring blade, at the handle it was attached to, the cord that ran from it into one of the computers surrounding him. If he could get just enough power, any power—

"I can tell you're thinking about pulling its plug," Stockman said, his eye stalk weaving, nearly pressing against the jar. "I would not recommend it."

"You see," Bishop said, "We decided to skip your next dose of Baxter's wonderful anti-psionic serum, just to see what would happen. You were unconscious, but your powers were not. And believe me, it was quite a show. We were lucky to have backed up the computers on thumb drives, because most of them shut down. And the electrical sparks. How _beautiful_. We had to put out a few fires, too. But we got everything back online. You're _very_ impressive. You should see the results of our portable MRI machine. There were parts of your brain lighting up that we'd never known. Baxter here wanted to do a little surgery, but we'd have to wait until you were awake."

He paused, and Mikey felt terror rip through him. _They wouldn't…_

"I don't know, though. We could, but we'd probably waste time."

If a brain and eye could have pouted, Stockman would have.

"Now…" Bishop bent down and touched the very tip of the saw to just above the center line in Mikey's plastron. A bead of blood leaked across his skin, and he screamed.

"Where were we?"

As the saw pressed in, and in, and abruptly down, Mikey felt a pain like nothing else erupt from his chest. He felt his body stiffen, felt a nightmarish fire sear down his torso. He heard himself howl from the depths, felt his eyes roll back as his brain began to misfire into a seizure.

Mikey fell into pure darkness again, as his upper plastron slowly began to crack open.

* * *

Gaia's sobbing hadn't stopped until all three younger turtles had gathered around her, touching and rocking her. Near the end, as she stopped shaking, Little Leo had pressed his mouth to hers and murmured words in Japanese, which she repeated. She was grasping Little Donnie's hand, and abruptly he screamed and fell back, caught by his counterpart.

As Gaia recovered, Little Donnie continued screaming, eyes wide, arms wrapped around himself. His brothers hurried to him. But it was Gaia who soothed him with a long kiss and a repeated "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll try to weaken the link…"

The older turtles just stared at them.

"So, what was that about?" Big Raph folded his arms.

Little Leo glanced up, pale. "Donnie's connection with Mikey is based on how Mikey is feeling. If Donnie's in pain like this…"

Big Mike swallowed "Gaia said Bishop is…you know, cutting Little Me open."

Big Don's arms tightened around his small counterpart until the little one stopped shaking. "We have to go. We have to go _now_."

Distantly, Loki waved. "Good luck, kids! Have fun storming the castle!" He and Hecate vanished.

Gaia stared tearfully at the younger turtles. "I love you. Bring him home." And she was gone.

Big Leo, breathing harshly, spread his arms, palms out. "Everyone hang on!"

A flash of light and energy burst around them, and they opened their eyes.

Mike gasped desperately and collapsed onto his side, closing his eyes. He could hear Little Donnie whimpering, could hear Splinter chanting something.

They were in the dojo.

Heavy hands gripped his shoulders. "Mikey, you'd better be with us," Raphael's voice growled at him.

He coughed. "Yeah. I'm—I'm here."

He sat up with his brother's help. His entire body felt like it was on fire, pains he could hardly identifying shooting through him. When he looked up, Little Raph was grasping the sides of his head, teeth clenched in silent agony. Little Leo had one arm around him and one arm around Little Don, whose face was buried in his shoulder.

Mike bit his lip. "Wh-where's Don?" he asked.

"Lab, with April," Raph said. "Pinpointing that island Gaia told us about. Leo's gettin' the Shell Sub ready. April and Casey have been doing a lot of busy work while we were in the spirit plane. We're moving. Up. Get up, get up." He paused, frowning. "You…you're feeling his pain, aren't you?"

"I…I think so," Mike panted. "It's…there's fire. Hurts. Like everything's sliced up."

"He's screaming," Little Raph was gasping. "Never…never heard him scream like this…"

Leo was helping the younger turtles stand. Little Don had calmed down and stood nearly as tall as Leo, a stone-like expression on his face, his eyes white. Little Leo, his arm still around Little Raph, looked about ready to eviscerate someone, while Little Raph, rubbing his temples, had a frighteningly calm look on his face. Mike knew that look extremely well.

Raphael was going to go burn down the world to save his baby brother.

"Guys!" came Don's voice, "Sub's ready, I've got trackers, we're going, let's go!"

"Good luck, my students," Splinter said, steel in his voice. He walked over to Mike and opened his arms. Mike felt himself tear up. He hugged his sensei as hard as he dared. When they parted, only Raph was left holding out his hand. Smiling at Splinter, Mike grabbed Raph's hand squeezing hard, nodding once. Raph repeated it. They never did need words.

Once they had gotten to the Shell Sub and prepared it, Little Raph fell to his knees and began to slam his fists on the floor so hard it echoed. Little Donnie crouched with him and rubbed his carapace. Little Raph muttered something between clenched teeth. Little Don said something in a whisper. Little Raph nodded, letting Little Don take his hand. Little Leo took his other hand. They knelt, meditating, eyes closed, and there were tears streaming down Little Raph's face.

Mike struggled to stay out of it, as white-hot pain lanced through his limbs. He gripped his seat, his heart going out to the little ones. And then he felt it: A twisting, winding thread of power snaking under the force of the fog blocking his powers. He grabbed that power and pushed it toward the younger turtles, regardless of how the fog bit at him.

Little Leo glanced up, startled. Mike watched those dark blue eyes narrow, then widen, relief softening them. Mike pushed more empathic energy into the thread, until he could see the muscles of Little Raph's shoulder's loosen. They all looked at him then, and he managed a grin. He was helping! A little!

Then the pain hit.

Mike would have fallen out of his seat if not for the seatbelt.

"Mikey!" Leo said in his ear. He felt the younger turtles rush to hold onto him, and when he looked up, they were looking at him in fear and worry.

"Are you all right, Mikey?" Leo asked.

"No," he whispered, "he's not."

* * *

Electric currents ripped and tore across his body and his brain. Again and again, he felt his body seize up, convulse, shiver. His throat muscles spasmed as he coughed. Everything smelled like ozone and burnt flesh and blood and metal.

"Enough," a distorted voice said. "He's awake."

"Come on now, Little Mikey," and he recognized Bishop immediately. _Fucking Bishop._

"Come now, it's time to wake up. You're missing the fun! Don't make us give you more shocks. Although that was a good demonstration! That healing power of yours is like a caged beast. It's weakening, though. I wonder if we can restore it? Should we poke around your brain meat? Should we do that?"

Something inside him screeched in rage. He managed to lift his eyelids.

"F-f-fuck y-you…"

"Well, I've missed you too, sunshine."

_Don't call me that, you prick._

Things came back into view. There was so much blood. On the tray table, the saw's teeth dripped blood. Bishop's gloved hands were stained red. The nerves in Mikey's torso were throbbing, on fire. He dared to lift his head and look down, but not before he watched Bishop smile broadly.

His upper plastron was a mess. A sheen of bright red blood, dripping and pooling down to the edge of his plastron just between his thighs, covered the sight of flesh and keratin and bone.

Mikey flashed back to a memory of being trapped in a collapsing building with Raph, surrounded by otherdimensional creatures seemingly made out of shadows with teeth. His plastron had been cracked and broken then, too. He remembered that even in unconsciousness, he had managed to move plates and scutes, seal cracks, clot blood, just enough, just enough for help to arrive and get them home.

Just enough. Just. Enough.

In anger, in fear, he focused.

In his mind, he was growling.

He began to burn up. He was freezing cold.

"Now, that's more like it." Bishop sounded awed.

_Fuck you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you._

He kept pushing, kept growling, felt power build up beneath that trapping fog.

_They decided not to inject me again._

Mikey focused on that, pushed at the fog as hard as he could.

The fog lifted a little more, and a little more.

In his mind, Mikey grinned.

He could hear metallic things rattling, he could hear glass breaking and wood crashing.

And then the electric shocks came again.

And again.

and

again

Mikey felt his heart muscle strain, felt it almost stop completely

He sensed his brothers beyond the metal door

He heard the metal door crash to the floor, heard his counterpart roar, " _BISHOP!"_

And then Mikey heard nothing. Nothing

there was nothing

at

all.

* * *

Donatello nearly crashed the Shell Sub into the island, and by the time it surfaced, the younger turtles and Michelangelo were snarling, bodies vibrating, crowded around the exit.

Don had never hit an exit button so hard in his life.

They exploded into the compound, ignoring dark halls and locked doors as Mike led them at full speed down one hallway.

The pain was worse now, desperately worse, and it was literally the only thing moving him now, the pain and the rage and the fear and the pure aggression pumping adrenaline. By his side was Little Raph, and he could sense the exact same energy driving the green-eyed boy. Their breathing was matched, their steps matched. Up ahead there was another door, except this one was glowing red.

Mike growled very low in his throat and surged.

His fists connected with metal before he was aware, and again. Little Raph joined, and their fists were in unison, and neither heard the yelling behind them. Mike kicked with both feet, threw his shell against the door, and finally, with a cry of absolute agony, pressed both hands to the door, grabbed the power inside his brain, and _shoved_ as hard as he could.

The metal door warped, creaked, groaned, and fell from its hinges.

The metal door crashed to the floor.

Mike roared, " _BISHOP!"_ and took four steps into the room before _feeling_ where John Bishop stood and pushing his fist in that direction, to his right. Without looking, he closed an invisible fist around the tall man's neck and ripped him off his feet. His vision began to clear when he heard the loud, heavy thud of a body hitting a wall, then a floor.

His brothers, both versions, were standing in front of him and at his side, weapons drawn. Mike thought that was adorable. He didn't need weapons. Not anymore.

He turned fully and saw Bishop crumbled on the floor next to a terminal, getting on his hands and knees.

_Nope._

Again, Mike slammed him against the terminal, warping the metal. He stomped over to him and felt the pure energy of _rage_ radiating from his own body like an aura.

It was a feeling he had very rarely felt, not since that battle when Kluh had threatened to kill his family. Even then it hadn't been quite this strong.

Bishop. Bishop had _lied_ to them. Bishop hadn't left them alone. Bishop had _taken_ what was _his,_ stolen a _bond_ he had formed, a gentle brotherly relationship that was supposed to transcend dimensions. Bishop was trying to _destroy_ everything he and his Little Mikey counterpart had built together.

_Nope. Can't have that. Can't ever have that._

He punched, feeling Bishop's jaw crack and splinter against his knuckles. Whatever sounds were happening around him didn't matter. He knew Little Mikey was in this room, but he also knew there was a pair of Donatellos to help him. And Little Mikey would be _fine_ , he would be—

_Mikey?_

His mind paused, the anger simmering, even as his hands grabbed at Bishop's blood-splattered white coat…

_Blood!_

_Little Me…?_

Oh, hell.

_Why can't I feel him? Where is he? What happened?_

"You…you fucker…" He hauled Bishop up until they were almost nose to nose. "What did you _do_ to him?"

And John Bishop, blood spilling down his chin, _laughed_ in his face.

"He's dead," he hissed, his jaw barely even swelling. "Don't you get it? You're too _late,_ Michelangelo. I've _won_. He's _mine._ I have control over that magnificent power, I did something it couldn't heal. Quite a ride. I enjoyed it very much. I'd like to keep it." And his neck stretched a little, his head even closer, and he whispered, "And I know you can feel it. You, my friend, are _next._ "

Mike turned cold.

He shook his head, his arms trembling, the adrenaline still coursing through him but the rage becoming something else, coiling, spinning, vibrating. Very slowly, he turned his head.

The two Donnies were feverishly working on Little Mikey's body, one pressing on his chest while the other breathed into him. Little Leo was frantically looking through every cabinet, tossing items, while Big Leo had his hands on Little Mikey's head, deep in meditation, Little Raph right with him. And Raph, his own brother…

Raph was moving to stand at his side, stepping casually over the cyborg body of Baxter Stockman – when had Stockman been there? – with narrowed golden eyes burning like stars. "Mikey," he said softly. "It ain't worth it. I know exactly what you're feeling, and it's not you who should feel it."

Mike took a deep breath, closing his eyes, snapping them open when Bishop giggled.

"He's right, you know. This isn't you. You don't have the nerve. You can't kill me."

"You can't even die," Raph snapped at him.

Bishop's grin widened, and the bones of his jaw scraped and grated together as they slowly began to heal. Mike punched him again, just because he could. Self-healing was overrated, anyway, right?

"Mike…" Raph rasped.

But Mike was far past caring. The _thing_ coiled in his head, the rage, the energy, the beautiful burning, was whispering inside him. He lashed out again, _through_ Bishop, and as he heard bones crunch and flesh squelch, he heard electronics snap, he heard fire burst. The force in his mind _tore_ through the wisps of fog that clung to it, and he screamed.

And his scream echoed around the room, and things exploded.

Mike tossed Bishop against another wall, and again turned his head and stared at what was left of himself. Things cluttered the floor and Little Leo was picking them up, his body's motion beautifully fluid and nearly apologetic. There was now a ventilator mask covering Little Mikey's mouth, and Don had a defibrillator in his hands. Everything was happening in slow motion.

_Don't bother. S'too late. Sorry, guys, it's too late, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry…_

He turned back to where he'd tossed Bishop, and the room was becoming ringed with small fires. Mike didn't understand how, but he reached out and smothered them. The power seemed to be acting completely on its own now. He looked at the computers running. Suddenly every thumb drive ejected itself and flew to land on the tray table that was already covered in bloody things. Don, who had applied the paddles, glanced up in confusion and then horror. Mike had no idea why, but he was sure he himself looked a little monstrous. He could feel his eyes glowing. When he looked down at himself, his body was emitting a blue glow.

"Mikey?" Raph was calling, but it sounded too far away. "Whatever you're gonna do, don't do it!"

He moved closer to Bishop's body, staring down. Bishop's torso looked oddly twisted, both arms broken. Mike tilted his head, frowning.

Bishop coughed, a bloody glob landing on his own chest. He opened his eyes and smiled. "Bet…you're curious," he gasped.

"I mostly just hate you," Mike said, without emotion.

"F-funny. That's what he said, before I killed him." And Bishop laughed, choking.

Growling, Mike kicked his chest in, and Bishop's body spasmed, his eyelids falling closed.

_Yeah, fuck you._

And the burning in his mind flared. The power inside him screamed, roared, pushed outward in every direction.

_I'm done with this._

He didn't hear Raph gasp behind him.

In the vast distance, Mike heard "Clear!" and a pause, and "clear!" again, and then silence. And then Don was speaking again, but it didn't matter.

It didn't matter.

He wondered if Bishop would burn to a crisp, or if his bones would remain and the flesh just grow back. He wondered if he should try it.

_…_ _don't…_

The voice in his head was tiny, and very very weak. He blinked and frowned again, turning all the way around.

_Mike…stop…it's enough..._

Enough?

It was enough.

He shook his head. The burning thing in his head was starting to disappear. The numbness was becoming feeling, and that feeling was calm. Pure, soft, familiar, carefree calm. He remembered it, and he drifted, eyes half closing.

Somehow, he was in Raph's arms, and Raph was hugging in from behind, holding him up, and Mike couldn't remember falling.

"Mikey, it's okay, it's okay," and Raph's voice was thick with emotion, and he couldn't remember getting emotional…

Tears were streaming down his face. He reached up to wipe them away, and something tight in his chest loosened. He let out a wild, raw sob, and his brother tightened his grip, and suddenly he wanted to run to Little Mikey, and suddenly he was there, at the table.

He couldn't remember how.

Everyone was staring at him.

He couldn't look at his counterpart's body. He lowered his head, fists clenched. He could feel himself shaking. He heard Raph draw in a sharp gasp and a mutter of "Oh, shit…"

Mike bit his lip and stared at the floor.

"I'm sorry," he gasped, warmth and cool and light filling him, the rage completely gone.

"I'm so, so sorry…"

"Mikey…" That was Leo.

"I couldn't help him, I can't—I'm really sorry, I…"

"Mike, stop, it's…"

"I wish…I'm sorry, I just…"

Someone grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him.

"Mikey," Donatello said, his voice raw, "He's alive. It's okay. You linked with him. He's alive."

_…_ _what?_

"What?"

He blinked, lifting his head to meet Don's eyes, which were shining with tears.

"Your energy," Don said. "When it flared. It filled the room. It took over. It must have connected to Mikey's mind. After I defibrillated his heart the second time, it started beating. It shouldn't have, even when I hit him twice, it shouldn't have happened, his heart shouldn't have started beating after all that shock torture. He really should be dead, Mike. You…I don't know what you did."

_What did I do?_

_What did we do?_

Enough. It was enough.

He struggled to draw in air, felt Don's hands grab his. "Breathe, bro. It's okay, none of us are anywhere close to okay right now. But you have to breathe."

Mike breathed. He breathed, and he stepped up close, and he watched as Little Mikey's heavily bandaged chest rose and fell with the ventilator. His hand shook as it reached out and touched the freckled face. The skin was warm.

 _Hey,_ Little Mikey whispered in his mind. He was smiling.

Mikey smiled back. _Glad you're still around. We missed you._

This time, his tears were of relief.

* * *

Take these arms  
And use them up  
There nothing to keep

In moments of  
The cold and rust  
I'll be your relief

Alone  
Alive  
my own  
my light

Take these arms  
Only  
Take these arms  
For eternity  
Take these arms  
give it all to me  
Take these arms  
Only

-Killer Tracks, "Take These Arms"

* * *

Tonight I fight a thousand lights,  
Exploding stars inside my heart,  
From thoughts emerge a universe,  
From the shadows to heavens,  
Let the flames roll,  
Count your Blessings,  
I feel the rising sun,  
I let it fill my lungs,  
Light the sky,  
Light the sky,  
Light the sky,  
Shining brighter,  
Light the sky,  
Light the sky,  
Light the sky electrify (electrify),  
Today I'll make the moment quake,  
A cosmic wind against my skin,  
The lightning strikes begin new life,  
From the shadows to heavens,  
Let the flames roll,  
Count your Blessings,  
I feel the rising sun,  
I let it fill my lungs,  
Light the sky,  
Light the sky,  
Light the sky,  
Shining brighter,  
Light the sky, Light the sky, Light the sky electrify (electrify),  
Tonight I live a thousand lives,  
Light the sky,  
Light the sky,  
Light the sky,  
Shining brighter,  
Light the sky,  
Shining brighter,  
Light the sky,  
Light the sky electrify.

Mountains vs Machines, "Light The Sky


	12. Chapter 12

If we were invincible  
If we could never die  
Then all the world could rise against us  
And we'd dare to fight  
Caught myself before I fall  
I see through all the reasons we are letting go  
Even if this day won't come  
I'll burn a thousand moons just to light a single sun  
And now the darkest hour collides  
With our unguarded lives  
If we were invincible  
If we could never die  
Then all the world could rise against us  
And we'd dare to fight  
Dare to fight  
Nothing left to fear, we could never fall  
So alive and full of fire, we'd be invincible  
This storm up there it knows my name  
It calls from a sea of light  
When the soldiers look away  
And now we stand at heaven's door  
But we're just mortals  
Can we face another war?  
And now the darkest hour collides  
With our unguarded lives  
If we were invincible If we could never die  
Then all the world could rise against us  
And we'd dare to fight  
Dare to fight  
Nothing left to fear, we could never fall  
So alive and full of fire  
We'd be invincible

-All Good Things, "Invincible"

* * *

I can hear the lost crying  
I can hear the truth hiding, hiding  
Yeah the shadows are calling us out  
I see the fear rising  
Yeah but my hope is burning  
The shadows are calling us out  
It's feeling like the sun's hiding  
But we're gonna keep moving, surviving  
No we won't go quiet tonight  
Stand up and shout louder  
Oh no, no we won't be silent  
Shadows are calling us out  
We are heroes  
Heroes in the darkest times  
When there is no light oh oh oh  
We are heroes  
Heroes in the darkest times  
But we'll rise above oh oh oh  
We are heroes  
When the night is starless  
Only we can spark it  
Light it up in the darkness oh oh oh  
When the night is starless  
Only we can spark it  
Light it up in the darkness oh oh oh  
We are heroes  
Heroes in the darkest times  
When there is no light oh oh oh  
We are heroes  
Heroes in the darkest times  
But we'll rise above oh oh oh  
We are heroes  
We are heroes  
Ohhh We are heroes..

-Generdyn feat. Zayde Wolf, "Heroes"

* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

Raphael decided he must be dreaming. Somehow, this was a dream. He'd fallen asleep during their stay in this other dimension, and any second Mikey would pounce on him, shake him, shout something ridiculous at him—

He blinked, tightening his fingers, which still curved against the head of his little brother. His little brother, whose mind he had fallen into, whose body had been dead a few minutes ago, whose heart was now beating. Very slowly and very weakly, but that meant _alive._ He looked over at Big Leo, who kept his hands, too, on Mikey's head, and nodded. The older turtle looked very tired, but relieved.

The two different voices echoed around in Raph's head and faded, Mikey's and Older Mike's. It wasn't much, a simple soft _Hey_ but it was enough. He sighed and stepped back a little so the two Donnies could frantically continue with the tubes and the surgeries and the wrappings.

Still dreamlike, Raph looked up and saw his counterpart standing uncertainly with Big Mike, who was sobbing openly. Around the huge room, computers and equipment and other _things_ were burned, or exploded, or imploded. One of the two windows was broken and the sound of the river was coming through.

He felt Leo's hands on his arms, pulling him away, and he automatically resisted, reaching for Mikey, _because of the promise, I promised I would stay with you, baby brother,_ but Leo was projecting calm, and he was asking if they could take all the medical equipment to the sub.

Big Don, who was tossing things into duffel bags, nodded and said they would grab whatever they could – and he casually swiped the thumb drives off the bloody table tray as if his own brother hadn't psychically launched them there.

"We destroy the computers," he added grimly.

Raph heard a crackle, a sizzle, a _snap_ , and there was the smell of burning electronics. Big Mike was now standing in the center of the room. His fingertips were on fire.

As though on some sort of cue, Big Raph had grabbed the bodies of Bishop and Stockman and tossed them out the window, into the depths of the river. With his head high, he sauntered back to the group, where Big Leo rolled his eyes just a little.

Big Mike looked a little horrifying. His body was glowing white. His head was lowered, and as he stretched both arms out, there came a rushing _whoosh_ of flame and air, and everything burst.

Everything.

"Well," Big Raph muttered, "Ya didn't have to be so dramatic about it."

Big Mike lifted his head, a huge cocky grin on his face, his eyes glowing. "If it wasn't, it wouldn't be me."

Big Leo and Big Don were carefully unlocking the wheels on the table and steering it toward the door. Big Mike held the flames and power back all the way back down the corridor, right as they were getting into the Shell Sub.

And then he let go.

As the sub fled back toward the docks, the entire compound exploded.

"Well," Donnie murmured, "like that's not gonna attract the Coast Guard or anyone…"

And Big Mike grinned even wider, pressing his finger to his lips. "Watch," he said in a low voice.

They stared at him. He rolled his shoulders, cracked his neck, and then made some showy gestures with his hands like a stage magician.

"Boom, bam," he whispered, flicking out his hands in a wide flourish.

When they all looked back out the window, the fires were gone. It was just a pile of rubble and ash.

Raph felt a tiny, cold sliver of concern at the base of his spine.

"Damn, Mikey," his counterpart gasped, sounding awed. "What the fuck did Freckles teach you?"

And when Big Mike didn't answer, just gazed solemnly out at the smoking island, Raph looked down at his baby brother, swathed in blood-speckled gauze, and he worried.

* * *

Donnie was getting tired of the phrase, "You should get some rest."

He didn't care who was saying it or why, or the fact that he was starting to sway and that between Big Don and April catching him around the shoulders it was starting to seem funny. He kept asking for coffee. After the eleventh cup people stopped bringing him coffee. He wondered why.

They had rushed the gurney through the lair, into the infirmary, and Big Don had adjusted the tubing and needles and then the two of them had started unwrapping Mikey's temporary bandages, applying resin, wax, glue, stitches where needed, as the shattered upper plastron very slowly began healing itself from the inside. Donnie understood his brother's body more than anyone, and he took the reins, became the conductor, gently instructed his counterpart and April until every scute and chip and slice of keratin was back in place as well as possible. Donnie had brought in his brothers to give blood. His hands hadn't even trembled. He was proud. And he was proud of Mikey for staying through it all, even if he was somewhere else away from the pain. As April cut the last suture on Mikey's left leg, Donnie took a moment to cup his brother's deathly pale face in his hands and kiss his cheek, forehead resting on forehead.

"Stay with me, please, Mikey. Fight hard. Come back to us soon, we can't do this without you."

Even when they were on the _Ulixes_ after that very first battle, there hadn't been so many bandages. He was grateful for what they took from Bishop. Even Mikey's hands and feet had been cut into, haphazard, afterthought slices that probably were more torture than experiment. Bishop had wanted to test the healing limits, hadn't he?

But…what else? Donnie bit his lip and ran his thumbs over freckled cheeks, the square bandage in the center of his forehead. John Bishop never did anything without a game, a puzzle, a price. He wanted something else from Mikey. Power for himself? That would make sense. He needed to see what was on those drives.

As if he'd had the same thoughts, Big Don said close to him, "Little Me, I'm going to start going through those thumb drives. Can you at least lie down?"

A hand pressed against his carapace. Sighing, Donnie stood up, realized how dizzy he was, and practically fell backwards into the larger turtle's arms. Breathing slowly, he abruptly realized that all the brothers were out there, pacing, wondering.

"I will," he said. "I should tell everyone that Mikey will be all right."

April slung her arm around his shoulders. "There you go," she said brightly. He looked at her and smiled wanly. They were the same height, he realized.

As soon as the two had passed the lab doors, Raph and Leo pounced. "Are you okay? Is Mikey okay? Here, Donnie, lie down. Here's a really fluffy pillow. We should get you some soup."

Donnie let out a huge sigh. "Mikey will pull through." The lair itself seemed to let out a breath.

"It could take him some time to wake up. But…"

"He's still around," Raph said firmly. "I can hear him."

"Exactly. He's probably in the white place, or his checkered theater, healing." Don looked up at them from his gangly sprawl on the longest couch. "It's…not as bad as we thought. His system put up a fight. But he'll have a lot of new scars."

He sat up as Casey came over with a tray of soup, toast, and green tea. "And, there will also be…" He paused, taking a spoonful.

"Mental scars," Leo finished. "Torture does that."

Donnie said nothing, just bobbed his head forward as he ate.

* * *

Leo watched Donnie as he slept, fed and relaxed, as Raph slept with Don's feet in his lap, his head back. With a long sigh, Leo glanced at the lab doors, still open, and then around the living room. Klunk was curled on the arm of a couch, staring at the lab. His counterpart and Big Raph were sitting on the couch with the cat, looking calm, each of them with hands clasped together. Leo wondered if they knew they were mirroring each other.

He didn't see Mikey's counterpart, or this world's Splinter. Frowning, he walked toward the dojo, but heard no voices. No one stopped him. He decided to try upstairs; he wasn't ready to sleep but his futon in the guest room was calling him. He passed the four closed doors, and then heard soft voices coming from one. Big Mike's room.

Ah. So that was where the older Michelangelo and Splinter were.

Leo didn't want to eavesdrop. But something strong told him they were talking about his brother, maybe all of them. His fists clenched; listen in, ignore, walk away, walk right in? He sighed and headed to the guest room. His Splinter would know what to do. Probably just meditate about not snooping.

Leo settled on his futon until he was comfortable, and was stunned at how quickly he was pulled into meditation. The astral plane settled like a cloak around him. Voices in the distance grew nearer, then sharper, and he was yanked forward.

"…my son, are you saying that you have felt this way since you were a child?"

"Not exactly this, sensei, but…um…damn, what would Leo or Donnie call it? A…a sense that I…wasn't, um…sufficient? Enough?"

"You mean that you felt you had to be better and better, to earn the respect of your brothers and to earn my respect?"

"Yeah. Absolutely."

Leo's eyes widened. Big Mike sounded exactly like Mikey.

"Is…that why you…harmed yourself this year."

It was not a question.

"I…yeah."

"Oh, my son. You should know…"

"Except it's true. And you know it, Dad."

Leo sucked in his breath.

"Michelangelo."

"Remember when you wouldn't let me move up unless I had more tests? When we were stuck in the future? And I passed all the tests. I did. It proved I knew more and did more than just slacking off and goofing around. And then you tested my humility."

"That was simply to-"

"I know what it was about. And what if I had failed that? Being the Battle Nexus Champion, the Turtle Titan, the fastest and most athletic on the team…would I have failed entirely if I hadn't been humble enough to reject wanting to be _chunin?_ "

"My son, please…"

"I—Sensei, I _need_ you to understand this. I'm not angry or upset at you. But I also could never really change myself. And the self I presented was what I thought we as a team needed, the cheering up, the jokes, all the tiny reminders to take it easy, let go, be carefree and happy. Because if we didn't remind ourselves, we'd lose our minds to all that darkness and war. I was trying to…I wanted…"

Leo could hear nothing. But then the sobs broke through, and they grabbed his heart and cracked it hard.

"Michelangelo," Splinter was whispering, "Oh, my little one, my sunshine. I am sorry. I did not know. You hid it very well for many years."

The sobbing got a little louder, and Leo wanted to lay down and shiver from the agony in his chest.

"I am sorry," Splinter was murmuring. "If I had known, I would have trained you a little differently, I would have tried harder to see the other parts of you behind your masks."

"S…so…you don't…you d-don't think the little guy…is…is b-better than me?"

Leo jerked up in shock.

"No, my sweet son. No. And I am so, so sorry that any thought in that direction crossed my mind. I would never, ever wish to make you feel unloved or unworthy, nor ever insufficient. And you have always had my respect. Always."

After several gulping breaths, Big Mike seemed to calm down. "Okay. Okay. Good talk, Dad. Th-thanks."

"Michelangelo, are you certain there is nothing else you need to talk to me about?"

"Nope. Nope. I'm good now. S'all good. I just wanna make sure Lil Me recovers well."

"You understand that it applies to you, as well."

"Uh, sensei, I'm not injured, I don't need recovering."

"Just think on it, Michelangelo. I shall leave you alone. I believe I shall retire for the night. You and your brothers should as well. All of them."

"Hai, sensei."

"Good night, my son."

"Night, father."

Leo found himself floating aimlessly, breathing in short, sharp patterns. Eventually, warm arms slid around his waist and a familiar head pressed against his upper plastron. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. "Hey, Gaia."

"Hey, Fearless. You should go to sleep instead of wandering aimlessly. Never know what you'll bump into." She turned her head up to smile at him, showing sharp canine teeth, her pupils slitted.

"You're funny." He pressed his nose to hers, then kissed her.

"Are you feeling relaxed?"

"No," he sighed. "I mean, we got Mikey out, and he's in recovery and he's stable. Everyone is okay. Bishop and Stockman will probably come back some time in the future from what our counterparts have told us. But, like, everyone is in emotional turmoil."

She blinked, rolling her eyes up. "Oh, is _that_ all. And here I thought there would be excitement."

"You minx."

"Tease."

They rolled and floated playfully, locked together, and when it was over in a literal burst of light, Leo could feel his spirit relax.

"Ah, _now_ you're relaxed." She ran her fingernails up and down his plastron. He shivered, too sensitive in the afterglow. "Will you sleep now?"

He couldn't help yawning. "After I drag up Donnie and Raph, yeah. If I insist on sleeping in this infirmary, someone might yell and kick me out."

"They do have slightly different ways here. But they are a lot like I imagine you guys in a few years. But you wouldn't be so…gritty. Dark. There's too much light behind your eyes."

"There's a reason for that." He stroked her hair and her cheek, closing his eyes in a long blink.

"It'll be okay." She nuzzled his neck. "Our Sunshine will be all right. He will, Leo."

He smiled at her. "I trust you to be generally correct."

"That's a good way of putting it. Love you, Leo. Go sleep."

"Love you too, Gaia. Be safe."

When she faded, he opened his eyes, stretching, feeling the physical aftereffects of telepathic sex pleasantly loosen his muscles and spread feel-good neurochemicals across his nerves. He lay down, deciding to get his brothers in a moment. Just as he heard their familiar footsteps enter the room, Leo closed his eyes and his body went loose.

* * *

Mikey was dreaming.

If he wasn't, this was the most fascinating astral projection he had ever been on.

He hovered in his counterparts' infirmary, simply watching. There was absolutely no way he was returning to physical right now, it hurt too much and it showed. There his body was, wrapped like a mummy save for the face. He really had tried to keep the wounds all closed. It wasn't surprising he still needed stitches and all that. The mask over his face, the tube down his throat, indeed, he was grateful. Older Donatello sat watching him for a long time, affectionately rubbing his head, squeezing his hand.

Gradually, Big Don went to his main computer and inserted one of the thumb drives, quickly working through it. Mikey watched him, awed. Document after document popped up, and Mikey read them over Big Don's shoulder, cursing or gasping with him every few paragraphs.

_So that's why he wanted me._

Apparently, this world's Agent John Bishop loved power, and wanted it in every way possible. It wasn't just Mikey's healing ability. It was every ability. Bishop had plans to somehow control the M'Kari psionics; there were several words Mikey couldn't figure out. Either his brain in his body or outside of it. Just like how the Kraang wanted April. That was downright creepy. Hadn't Bishop realized how complicated and complex the M'Kari were? Or did he know and not actually care? Probably didn't care, Mikey decided. Like Shredder, chasing his goal no matter what he had to destroy along the way. Ouch.

The other thumb drives didn't seem that enticing. One was a copy, and the other two were something entirely else plus a copy, things he definitely didn't understand, something from years ago, stuff about creating portals, super soldiers…he watched as Big Don saved them anyway, looking pale and uncertain. And shaky. _Damn, dude, go to bed already. It's, like, five in the morning. I don't care what you think you're made of, you still need sleep._

As if hearing him, the older brainy turtle stood up and shut off his terminal. He yawned, heading over to the cot, looking at Mikey's vitals and changing his bandages.

Mikey winced at all the slices and cuts. _Ugh, on my hands and feet too? That asshole. I won't be able to skateboard for weeks! Bummer! How dare he do that to my water balloon-throwing arm._

He humphed, watching Big Don shuffle out, barely making it to a couch before falling down. He giggled.

The scene before him faded, and he was in the red checkered room, with Neural Mike gesturing. Following, Mikey noticed that his neuronal webs looked healthy.

"Everything's peachy," Neural said. "I just wanted to hear it from you how're you're dealing."

"Dude, that's really nice of you!"

Neural shrugged. "Eh. It's my job to make sure the psychological and the neurological bits are synching."

"Oh. Well, I'm fine. I mean, so far. Like, I'm healing."

"But you haven't gone physical, so you haven't experienced flashbacks, trauma, that stuff, yet?"

"No, why?"

"I need to know this stuff, I told you."

"Okay, fine. Well…I'll let ya know."

"Fine."

"Fine."

They stared at each other.

Neural Mike made a snorting sound, and a corner of his mouth turned up. "Well, someone wants to see you."

Everything vanished in another flash, and Mikey found himself in the white place, tackled and pinned onto his carapace. "Oooh, Kitten! Hi!"

"Hi, Sunshine," she chirped, grabbing him in a kiss.

They said nothing else for a while, save for more chirps, kisses, giggles, purrs.

"Mmm, can we do it again?" Mikey asked, panting, as Gaia curled up to his side under his arm.

"Technically, we could do it forever, but we have bodies," Gaia reminded him.

"Yeah, that."

"You planning on going back to yours soon enough?"

He sighed. "Once it stops hurting so much."

"Oh sweetie." She propped herself up, frowned at him. "That would take too long. You know that."

He pouted. "But it hurts and I don't wanna."

She sighed, grinning, and he pulled her flat against him, her legs automatically straddling his lower plastron. "Can't I just stay here with you? We could make a bed here." He wiggled his hips.

"That would be lovely," she said, "but we can do that when you come home. In a real bed."

"But it wouldn't hurt!" Mikey pressed into her again, without limits, wrapping her completely in his arms.

"Life hurts, Sunshine." But Gaia responded, and they rolled on air, on the ground, pushing up against the infinite bonsai tree. Later, Mikey's head was in Gaia's lap and he was playing with the black hair that fell to her waist.

"You know you can't stay," she murmured, bending down to kiss him again.

"I know I can't," he said, cupping her face in his hands. "I'll come home. Soon. The Donnies are close to figuring out the portal."

"I know. I've been in Donnie's head. I've been in his dream tonight. I can help bridge the gap."

"Well, that's damn convenient, isn't it? I love your brain."

"I love your brain. And you. I love you, Mikey, so I need you back."

"I promise, babe, I will come home. And you'll be there, because you have to." He kissed her again, and again, and harder and longer, because they were not there. When they let each other go, Mikey felt himself fade a little as he watched Gaia fade, and he found himself alone again, in a different part of the white place, staring at the bonsai tree, not feeling any pain.


	13. Chapter 13

We are, we are the chosen,  
We are, we are the few,  
The end will never come,  
(Will never come),  
We are the chosen ones  
We're the thunder shaking your sky  
Burning sun waking up the night  
On top of the mountain  
Bullet plume shooting through the clouds  
Flying up never coming down, living electric  
We are, we are the chosen,  
We are, we are the truth  
The end will never come  
We are the chosen ones  
We are, we are the chosen,  
We are, we are the few  
The end will never come  
We are the chosen ones  
In a flash you'll be in the dark  
Ice cold looking for a spark  
It's too late to fight fate  
We won't run from our destiny  
We'll fight through, leave a legacy  
Nothing can stop us  
We are, we are the chosen  
We are, we are the truth  
The end will never come  
We are the chosen ones  
We are, we are the chosen  
We are, we are the few  
The end will never come,  
We are the chosen ones

-Mountains vs Machines

* * *

They say we are what we are  
But we don't have to be  
I'm bad behavior but I do it in the best way  
I'll be the watcher  
Of the eternal flame  
I'll be the guard dog  
Of all your fevered dreams  
Oooooooh  
I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass  
Oooooooh  
I try to picture me without you but I can't  
'Cause we could be immortals  
Immortals  
Just not for long for long  
And live with me forever now  
Pull the blackout curtains down  
Just not for long for long  
We could be immor-immortals  
Immor-immortals  
mor-immortals  
Immor-immortals  
Immortals  
Sometimes the only pay-off  
For having any faith  
Is when it's tested again and again  
Every day  
I'm still comparing your past  
To my future  
It might be your wound but  
They're my sutures  
Oooooooh  
I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass  
Oooooooh  
I try to picture me without you but I can't  
'Cause we could be immortals  
Immortals  
Just not for long for long  
And live with me forever now  
Pull the blackout curtains down  
Just not for long for long  
We could be immor-immortals  
Immor-immortals  
Immortals  
Live with me forever now  
Pull the blackout curtains down  
We could be immortals  
Immortals  
Just not for long for long  
We could be immor-immortals  
Immor-immortals  
mor-immortals  
Immor-immortals  
Immortals

-Fall Out Boy, "Immortals"

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen**

There was light coming from somewhere. It was too bright. He turned away from it, and it reached for him, prodding, shaking, poking. He heard Neural Mike's voice telling him to get up. He was tired, it was time to rest.

"You've rested well enough. It's time to get the hell up and show you're a fighter."

"Can you not?" he grunted. "I've had a hard day."

"You mean a hard three days. You've had worse. C'mon, I called Apollo. Look, light!"

Mikey sighed and glanced up from his prone spot in the white place. "Oh. You. Hey."

The golden man crouched above him and grinned. "Hey! Time to finish this, sleepyhead."

"You're not my real dad, you can't make me." And he turned onto his side, wincing. It wasn't supposed to hurt here, why was he hurting

"Because trauma is leaking through," Apollo said solemnly.

"Oh. Can we make it go away?"

"No."

"Oh."

He curled up into a ball, frowning. The golden light poked him again.

"I can only work with so much, remember?" Apollo said. "But I'll do what I can. Come on, smile."

"Don't feel like smiling."

"I told you he's stubborn."

"Shut up, Neural."

Apollo sighed. Mikey felt himself lifted up into strong, huge arms, like a child, cradled against the god's chest. "It will be hard," the golden man said, "and it will be painful. But you'll work through this. You have a lot of support."

Mikey shrugged, feeling deep soreness in his shoulders. The newly scarred skin tightened and stung.

The light spread and covered him entirely, a cocoon of energy that soaked into his skin and flooded his insides. He felt himself begin to relax and loosen, and the pain lessened considerably. He managed a tiny, relieved smile.

"There we go, that's my boy." Apollo set him on his feet, hands on his shoulders. "Are you ready?"

Mikey looked up at him. The cobalt blue eyes were sparkling with life that he himself didn't feel. He took a deep breath, trying as hard as he could to feel _something_ like happy.

"It'll come," Apollo reassured.

Mikey nodded. "Okay, then."

The white place faded away.

There was still a light, and it was still bright, but it was white now, and harsh. He moaned, feeling something thick in his throat. But it was nowhere near as bad as the fiery prickling under his skin, the aching in his muscles, everywhere. He was in a world of nagging, twisting, throbbing pain, and he whimpered. The thing in his throat itched and tugged.

There were voices.

"Okay, hang on, I'm getting it out. It's okay, Mikey, hold on, you're okay."

The thing in his throat began moving, dragging upward. He felt it down in his chest. He realized it was a plastic tube; he remembered the ventilator. As the plastic was pulled from his mouth, he felt himself drag in lungfuls of air, raspy and burning and grateful.

"Good, Mikey, good! Can you open your eyes now? Hey, can someone dim those lights please? They're probably hurting him."

It was the older Donatello. Mikey felt his calloused hands on his temples, turning his head this way and that. His eyelids felt too heavy. He tried, squeezing his eye muscles.

"Come on, little bro, come on. You can do it." Raph. Raph was holding his left hand. Someone was squeezing his right hand; it felt like Donnie.

_Okay. Time to wake up. Get through this. Get up. Show them you're fighting._

A weak grunt left his throat. He managed to open his eyes halfway; Big Don and Donnie filled his sight, plus the rim of a cup. Water!

Mikey opened his eyes all the way and blinked, and a pathetic noise made him realize he was asking for the water. Big Don slid a hand to the back of his neck and lifted his head, then tilted the cup to his lips. Recalling all the other times, Mikey drank slowly, but desperately. He was allowed to finish, and he was grateful.

Big Don handed off the empty cup but kept holding his head, peering closely. Mikey could make out tiny scars on his chin and cheeks, could see the deep hazel of his eyes and how there were spots of gold in them. He didn't mind the penlight, the finger test.

Then he realized that the pain wasn't really as bad as he'd thought.

Frowning, he coughed, "…pain?"

"Painkillers," Big Don smiled. "The best kind. In your IV. Bet that makes you happy."

"Oh, thank you," Mikey rasped. "You're the effing best, Big Donnie." He coughed again, hating the burning. But it was part of healing.

"Yeah, I am," Big Don winked. "There's some nerve damage, too, but my scanners are showing that your psionics are already working on that." He smiled. "It's really amazing. I've recorded tons of data on what the telekinetics are actually doing."

Mikey felt something dark and sharp leap up in his mind; felt his eyes widen for an instant.

"Oh…" Big Don glanced up somewhere, and then back at him. "I shouldn't have said it like that. _He_ probably said the same thing." Frowning, he stood up. "I'm sorry, kiddo, I should've known that would trigger an anxiety spike on the monitors. Your heart rate sped up."

Donnie and Raph came into view, and then Leo, and he was engulfed by a crash of brothers. Mikey closed his eyes, sighing, leaning his head against Donnie's.

"And your heart rate's down again," Big Don's voice said happily. "I love when hugs are medicine!"

* * *

Mike was the last one to actually visit Mikey one on one, and after the hard, long look Little Raph had given him, he remembered why. He sighed and clamped down all his internal shields, every single one, even though that would be the most suspicious, and entered the infirmary, going straight for the chair and collapsing into it. He stared at his lap until a finger poked his forehead.

"So?" Little Mikey said hoarsely. He still sounded weak, and from behind his walls Mike roughly played a memory of them laughing together yesterday.

He lifted his head, unsure what to do with his hands. He leaned forward and gripped his knees. His wrists itched underneath the guards.

Little Mikey was staring at him, kind and guileless. He forced a smile. "How long did Don say he was keeping you, anyway?"

Shrugging, the smaller turtle scratched at the gauze on his hands. "I think if he had his way, a few days. He was all growly when everyone kept getting really close after a while."

"He gets overprotective when looking after one of us," Mike nodded. "I think he forgot how cuddly you guys can get."

Little Mikey laughed. "I'm the cuddler in the family. My bros do it for me. They know it helps keep us sane."

"Still. Don's been the medic for so long…"

"Yeah, I know, your teen years scarred with the fights you picked with Raph."

"I was a fucking little annoying shit, yeah. But it helped Raphie cool off. It's done now, pretty much."

He tried to smile again, looked down, and watched Little Mikey sit up more, grab his hand. "Hey. I know what you're doing. What're ya hiding, Big Me?"

"I don't want to talk about that," said quickly. "I'm not here to talk about that."

Little Mikey crossed his arms. "Then what are you here to talk about?"

Mike fidgeted, rubbed his wrists. "I…um, power, I guess. Releasing it. Knowing when, and, and how?"

Little Mikey's eyes narrowed. "Take those off."

"Take what off?" He knew playing ignorant wouldn't work.

"My Raph already told me what you did at Bishop's compound. After we all got out. I know about that."

"I figured," Mike said lightly.

"He's kind of freaking out a little."

"Why? I saved our lives."

"Could you at least lower a couple shields? I don't wanna force it." Little Mikey's glare dropped. "And take those off."

"I'd rather not, dude."

"Don't. Don't. I just got sliced up all over by the most fucked-up psychotic creep I've ever met and you don't fucking get to hide, Michelangelo."

He winced. Little Mikey hadn't raised his voice, hadn't sounded angry, and the sting still cut loudly and strongly.

He sighed and slipped off the leather wrist guards, keeping his palms facing his chest.

"Nope," his counterpart said.

"Why?" he asked, teeth clenched.

"Because there are lots of ways to get it out, and I'm just really tired still, and I'd rather nobody asked questions about it."

Mike almost felt relief. He extended his arms, laying his hands upright in the other Mikey's lap.

Little Mikey merely exhaled between his teeth and gently took each wrist, pressing a finger against the fresh new cuts until the skin was completely sealed.

"There, you can put your wrist guards back on."

Mike didn't look at him as he did. "Did you want a thank you?"

"No, but I do want something different."

"I _can_ do something different…"

"You've never blown up a building before."

"No." He let the silence stretch. "It was a lot. I just wanna figure out how-"

"The white place," Little Mikey said quickly, with a tiny smile. "You know. With the tree? It literally helps take everything off ya."

"Really?" For the first time in three days, Mike felt hopeful. "Just…like, everything? I can let go?"

"Yeah, bro, that's what the white place _does_. It look me a long time to figure out why I kept coming there over and over, and how whenever I left, I felt, like…lighter."

"So," Mike mused. "You had that outlet. So you never would have to-"

"Exactly. I mean, I think that's where everyone goes. Gaia does. It stretches on and on. Gaia told me that the tree isn't everywhere, but, like…all telepaths find the white place eventually and it holds their… you know. Their…extra dark. Their pain."

"Trauma."

"Yeah."

They stared at each other.

Little Mikey's eyes shifted. "You can come in, Master Splinter."

Mike immediately straightened his spine, eyes automatically widening, and only when he felt Little Mikey's hand on his arm that he realized he was holding his breath.

His sensei entered silently, smiling very gently. Mike smiled back, genuinely, and felt pure warmth bloom in his chest. The talk they'd had in his room had done some good – and that was _before_ he'd done the thing again, and he flexed his wrists on instinct – because Splinter's eyes no longer glittered with sadness.

"How are you, my son? And our patient, of course?"

"Tired," they said at the same time. Splinter chuckled, resting a hand on Mike's shoulder. "Of course. And young Michelangelo, thank you for not fussing and healing my child's newest self-harm cuts."

Mike jerked reflexively. " _What?_ "

Sensei merely smiled at him. "I am teaching myself to expand certain senses in new ways. The scent of fresh blood, healed skin, even covered." And he tapped the side of his nose and twitched its end. Mike made a small sound in the back of his throat.

Little Mikey was looking actually surprised. "Cool. I love when our dad just smells stuff. I think it's why he lets me get away with some of my pranks."

"I believe he might find them entertaining in a way," Splinter nodded. "You all use your creative outlets differently after all."

Mike let himself calm down, and offered his seat. Splinter shook his head and sat on the edge of the bed, a paw on Little Mikey's knee. "I did sense that younger Michelangelo wanted to speak with me, and perhaps us together. Was I correct."

Mike winced even as Little Mikey grinned. "Yep. I figured ya both had some stuff to work out, but I wanted to try it all together."

Sighing, Mike made himself smile, and lowered most of his shields.

"Your perceptions and insight never fail to astound me, little one."

And Mike flinched at his father's words. It used to be him. Long ago. Over a decade ago. Sure, Sensei didn't mean it like that, sensei had apologized. But it still…stung.

Mikey threw back his head and laughed. "Sensei, if you knew me a year ago, you wouldn't say that. I was all over the place."

"That may be true," Splinter smiled, "but you brought heart and laughter to your team." He reached out and took the hands of both Michelangelos. "Shall we meditate? I quite liked the white space with the tree."

Little Mikey nodded. "That's where we're going. I was tellin' big Mike here that it helps ease your pain away and it keeps you from going nuts on yourself." He gave Mike's hand a squeeze.

Mike shut his eyes, and when he opened them, he was in the white place, staring at the eternal bonsai tree. He dropped his companions' hands, and when they glanced at him, he spread his arms and wrapped them around their shoulders, hugging his little counterpart and his sensei as tightly as he could.

This was going to be one hell of a telepathic discussion.

* * *

Donnie calmly and casually stood by the couch and watched his older counterpart pace in front of the closed lab doors, muttering. Big Donnie had been very twitchy whenever Mikey was disturbed, but Donnie couldn't blame him. The fact that it was Master Splinter in there was probably the only thing keeping anyone out.

* * *

Mikey watched back and forth, as Big Mike and Splinter talked, apparently continuing a conversation. The tears already in Big Mike's eyes told him enough.

"Are you sure that's the only reason you want them to stay, Dad? Are you sure it isn't because he's better than me? That you might love him more?"

And Splinter looked physically wounded. "Michelangelo, please! I have already told you that your thinking is wrong. I love _you_. You are my _child_. I could never love a different version of you more than I love you. How can I convince you that I speak the ultimate truth?"

"He's right, you know," Mikey spoke up, softly, earning a harsh glance from Big Mike. "Master Splinter is. This is really hurting him."

Big Mike drew in a shaky breath. He stood, taking his nunchaku out and spinning them. "I've always been great," he whispered.

Splinter stood and nodded, silent. Mikey got to his feet, eyes wide, and very quickly pulled them into his beach world. Big Mike's eyes widened as the sand pushed against his feet, but didn't lose his balance or concentration. He shot Mikey a look that Mikey couldn't quite interpret – possible hurt, confusion – and without a word, with barely a breath, launched himself at Splinter.

Mikey gasped, yelled, and stumbled back, falling to the sand.

The rat did nothing except block the attack, moving his legs into stance. His staff shot up, again and again blocking and defending, as a quietly crying Michelangelo poured his confused grief into his blows, hand strikes, kicks. They were faster than anything Mikey had ever seen, perfectly executed, perfectly efficient, focused and powerful.

As Mike's fist pulled back and Mikey whimpered, Splinter quickly sprang forward and wrapped his arms around Mike's shoulders. As though in slow motion, Big Mike jerked to a halt, his arm spasming. His eyes grew wide, his mouth opened. And he sagged in his father's embrace, resting his head on the rat's shoulder.

Mikey exhaled in relief.

"Everything will be all right, my son," Splinter whispered. "Even if you cannot believe it yet."

Big Mike was trembling. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse. "I want…I want to be okay, Dad."

"And you shall be," Splinter said, his hands shaking as they gripped Big Mike's carapace. "Let me help you. Let me guide you. Do not shut me out anymore, my sun child. You do not have to wound yourself to release your fear anymore. I will help ease the pain."

"Does this mean I gotta tell Leo I was always better than him?"

A pause.

"If you choose," Splinter said softly. "Although he may already know, in his own way."

They separated. Big Mike shuffled the sand around with his feet. "Can…can I show you my psychic playground? The one Lil Me helped me build?"

Mikey grinned widely and got to his feet.

Splinter smiled, his eyes bright. "I would love to see that, my son."

Mikey rubbed his hands together when the two looked over at him. At least they didn't hurt as much anymore.


	14. Chapter 14

Hey brother! There's an endless road to rediscover  
Hey sister! Know the water's sweet but blood is thicker  
Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you  
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do

Hey brother! Do you still believe in one another?  
Hey sister! Do you still believe in love? I wonder  
Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you  
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do

What if I'm far from home?  
Oh brother, I will hear you call!  
What if I lose it all?  
Oh sister, I will help you hang on!  
Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you  
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do

Hey brother! There's an endless road to rediscover  
Hey sister! Do you still believe in love? I wonder  
Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you  
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do

What if I'm far from home?  
Oh brother, I will hear you call!  
What if I lose it all?  
Oh sister, I will help you hang on!  
Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you  
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do

-Avicii, "Hey Brother

Don't tell the gods I left a mess  
I can't undo what has been done  
Let's run for cover  
What if I'm the only hero left  
You better fire off your gun  
Once and forever  
He said go dry your eyes  
And live your life like there is no tomorrow, son  
And tell the others  
To go sing it like a hummingbird  
The greatest anthem ever heard:

We are the heroes of our time  
But we're dancing with the demons in our minds...  
We are the heroes of our time  
Heroes  
Oh oh oh  
We're dancing with the demons in our minds  
Heroes, oh oh oh

The crickets sing a song for you  
Don't say a word, don't make a sound  
It's life's creation  
I make worms turn into butterflies  
Wake up and turn this world around  
In appreciation  
He said I never left your side  
When you were lost I followed right behind  
Was your foundation  
Now go sing it like a hummingbird  
The greatest anthem ever heard:

We are the heroes of our time  
Heroes  
Oh, oh, oh  
We're dancing with the demons in our minds  
Heroes, oh oh oh

(We keep dancing with the demons  
You could be a hero)

Go sing it like a hummingbird  
The greatest anthem ever heard  
Now sing together...

We are the heroes of our time  
Heroes  
Oh, oh oh  
But we're dancing with the demons in our minds  
Heroes, oh oh oh  
We are the heroes of our time  
Heroes  
Oh, oh, oh  
But we're dancing with the demons in our minds  
Heroes

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Hans Zelmerlow - "Heroes"

* * *

Chapter Fourteen

Mike found himself cheering, whooping, and shrieking with joy as his sensei passed him again, the discs of pure energy under their feet changing colors. Deciding to show off, Mike flipped upside down and hung there, arms behind his head, staring at his currently magenta skating disc, one that _he himself_ created, here in _his_ mental skate park, in _his_ psychic city, where every street and roof belonged to _him_.

He was smiling even as the familiar staff lightly struck the top of his head.

"Focus more, my son! I have already scored another point against you."

"Wait, what? No fair! It was only a minute!"

And Splinter hovered in front of him, grinning. "A minute is all it takes, Michelangelo." He nodded toward the floating scoreboard, where Little Mikey perched, swinging his feet.

"Sorry, dude! But you made the rules!" Little Mikey called out.

Sighing, Mike flipped back over and formed another ball of orange energy, moving as fast as he could past Splinter, who quickly formed a gray ball and was almost on top of him. Mike used his natural athletics to his advantage and stretched as far as his lithe body allowed, hurling his ball as hard as possible. It struck the floating, moving wall, which turned blue. The scoreboard lit up.

"Hey, you guys are tied now!" Little Mikey called happily.

Splinter bowed his head, smirking. "Is this even? Or would you like to play for a winning point?"

Mike thought about it. "I think we can call it even. Oh! Dude! Hey, sensei, remember that time when we were kids, and Donnie and I snuck out to see if any new toys had come through the-" and he became more animated, making sure to wave his hands and turn his speech into a cadence, lulling the listener in just a little more. He carefully moved in small circles around his sensei, forcing Splinter's eyes to watch him.

And as Splinter nodded, watching his face, Mike edged just a little closer so his sensei had to look only at his face, and rapidly tossed his orange ball over his shoulder. It struck the wall, which turned blue.

"Oh snap, good trick!" Little Mikey laughed.

Splinter laughed, eyes sparkling. "Excellent, my son. I am glad I lost. Your skills are extremely admirable and creatively stealthy."

Mike grinned, lighting up. "Really?"

"Very much." Splinter put a hand on his head. "Your particular ability to distract is something your brothers rarely use. It is incredibly useful and sought-after in ninjitsu, as you know,."

Mike grinned even wider and a feeling of pure delight burst from him, showing as a blast of yellow light in his aura. "I knew it."

His small counterpart had jumped down and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "See? Bet you feel better."

"Yeah." He ducked his head. "I really do."

"Good, because if there was ever a me that refused to laugh, I'd be way creeped out."

Mike giggled and nodded at that. He remembered feeling extremely creeped out by Donnie's description of his alternative future one-armed self.

"I think, my children, it is time to return to the physical world," Splinter cut in, leaning on his cane. "Your brothers are getting worried."

Mike pouted a little. Splinter had seen almost everything in his astral world, even the locked door holding Mike's fears and desperation, drab colors that were so thick that they needed an outlet, like the cutting, like the fighting and hurting. Splinter had seen all the bad parts and had actually taken his hand, holding it throughout, not letting go until there was no more scariness to show, and even then, not until Mike had started working on the first of their games. Even then, all the little touches, the brushes of fur and whiskers, like a consistent reassurance, _I am here, I am with you, keep going_ and the encouraging as the psychic city streets grew brighter and wider.

But he had a point. Mike honestly didn't know how long they had been. He rubbed his wrists; they were itching, but there was no urge to make himself bleed.

"Little Me?" When he looked over, Little Mikey was already glowing blue, with gold-orange edging his aura. "Hold hands," and Little Mikey's grin was a solar flare.

* * *

Donnie understood that stress was bad. Donnie understood that constantly worrying caused more stress. Donnie wasn't about to give up coffee or energy drinks. Because Donnie had Mikey. Mikey was like his calm happy charging station. Mikey soothed his brothers even as he irritated them. Mikey was a walking beam of sunshine.

Mikey, who was giggling behind his bandaged hands, along with older Mike and Master Splinter, and Donnie felt his whole body sag with relief as Older Don checked Mikey over frantically, his hands like hummingbirds. Donnie sat on the edge of the bed and smiled at his baby brother, who gave him a strong grin. Older Don mentioned that they could "probably" remove all the bandages and keep them off, so long as Mikey didn't strain himself. The two Michelangelos grinned at each other and seemed to be holding a telepathic conversation. Donnie bit his lip and helped his counterpart cut the gauze.

By the time they were done, Mikey was covered only in scars, but they appeared fully closed. Mikey stared at his limbs, turning them over, as if inspecting them. "Bishop is more, um, thorough than the Alchemist," he said finally, without emotion.

Donnie flinched. And then a thought came. "Hey, what about your sphere of happy, Mikey? Can you draw from that?"

Big Mike and Splinter turned and looked at him. "Wait," Big Mike said, "You mean that glowy ball that kept following us around the astral plane?"

"Yeah," Mikey said. "I guess." He pressed his hands together, and when he pulled them apart the sphere was there.

Donnie gaped.

"Holy shit, are you kidding?" Raph gasped. "Since when could you pull it into the real world?"

Mikey just shrugged. "Couple of months, I guess. Gaia showed me, she said Freya taught her, I dunno. You all want in?"

The older counterparts were owl-eyed, mouths open, eyes shining. Mikey smirked, and rays of light stretched out through his fingers, sweeping around the lab. Donnie closed his eyes and shivered as it touched him, and what he could only describe as blissful joy coursed through his mind. He forgot why he was worried.

Older Raph's voice was almost a whisper. "This. Is. The greatest thing. In my life."

There was complete silence for several moments, and Donnie couldn't think. He couldn't…for the first time, no _thoughts_ flew through his head, racing to one end or another. There was the most indescribable sense of kindness and peace and every tense muscle relaxed. He felt a hand grab his, recognized it as Leo, felt Leo tremble the way he assumed he was.

When it was done, when the light was gone, Donnie lifted his head and exhaled. He very casually glanced around.

Raph was sitting on the floor, head between his knees. Splinter hand one hand on Little Mikey's shoulder and the other on Older Mikey's arm, and the expression on his face was of extraordinary calm. The older Leo, Raph, and Don were staring at each other in utter shock. Donnie couldn't see Older Mikey's face, but he could see how his head was lowered, his eyes closed.

Puzzled by the utter silence, he crouched next to Raph and embraced him with one arm. He wasn't surprised to see tears in Raph's eyes, a small, relieved smile on his face.

Movement startled him, and as Donnie pulled Raph up, he hear low murmurs. Older Mike had gotten up and was shakily walking out of the infirmary, out of the lab, and still Donnie couldn't see his face. But when he looked at Big Mike's brothers, who shared expressions of worry and doubt, he wondered, and from the way Raph squeezed his arm, he wasn't the only one.

Leo watched his baby brother's counterpart leave them all wordlessly, and he looked at Mikey, who was watching the bigger turtle go with a serene expression. His hands were folded on his lap, his eyes were half-closed, and the set of his mouth was the only thing that gave away the fact that he was concentrating.

In the distance a door slammed.

"Um," Raph said.

"It's okay," Mikey said suddenly, in the calmest voice Leo had ever heard. "I got this."

And he slowly, slowly swung his legs over the side of the medical bed, and Older Don caught him just as he stood up shakily.

"Where do you think you're doing?" Olderig Don asked, but calmly.

Everyone was calm.

"To his room," Mikey replied. "So we can talk."

Older Don stepped back very reluctantly. "Okay. Okay. But someone is taking you there."

Without a word, Older Raph stepped up and quickly swept Mikey off his feet before anyone could say anything. Mikey only shrugged and slung his arms around Older Raph's shoulders, smiling as he rested his head on Big Raph's bicep. Leo bit his lip. Mikey looked so _small_ …

After they had left, Older Leo looked at Leo, and even as his eyes narrowed, his body was loose and soft; the spell was still winding through the room, the tranquility from Mikey's carefree psychic energy still leaving them all more relaxed than they probably knew what to do with. Leo hadn't even known Mikey could _do that_ and—

"That was interesting," was all his counterpart said. Leo nodded. It was more than that, they all knew it, but Leo didn't need to say anything else. Older Leo was already turning on his meditation face, anyway. Quickly, Leo said, "Hey, why don't we go to the dojo and spar for a while?" He nodded to Older Don as he spoke.

He loved the way the older turtles' eyes lit up. He felt Donnie grin, and even though Raph was staring at the open lab door, he could feel the smirk.

* * *

Raphael had, in his younger years, made it a very pointed point to keep as many emotions pushed down as possible, even the safe ones. Anger was the strongest, so anger always broke through, and soon became _the_ safest, because it was the outlet for war, which they had been training for their entire lives. And then he started forgetting that anger wasn't actually safe, and guess who bore the brunt of that turning their teen years, who always grinned at him no matter loud he yelled or how hard he hit, who always said there would be sun shining through no matter how dark it got?

It was, however, effective. It slowed him down. It calmed him down. It made him think. After the consequences, but naturally.

Hefting the startingly lightweight other-dimensional kid in his arms, Raph pounded on his brother's door. When he was greeted with silence, Raph felt a growl in his belly, but Little Mikey's tap against the side of his head stopped him. "He's meditating. We can go in."

Shrugging, Raph pushed open the door with his foot and walked in. "Special delivery," he announced, and then he actually looked.

Mike was sitting on his bed cross-legged, hands on his knees, eyes closed. He opened one eye and smiled lightly. "Just put him next to me."

Raph handled the little one like porcelain, despite the rolled eyes and the pout. When Little Mikey was settled, arms crossed, Raph knelt directly in front of his own brother and put a hesitant hand on his brother's knee. "Mike, look…"

Mike opened his eyes and blinked at him. Raph frowned. His expression was slightly unfocused and yet oddly targeted, and Raph started to feel something dart through his mind like a minnow.

"Um. I wanted to…I just wanted to make sure you were okay, y'know?" That little wriggle in the back of his head moved to the front, and was suddenly gone completely.

"I'm okay, Raphie," and Mikey leaned down and pressed his forehead to Raph's. "I promise. I'll tell you when I'm not."

"You'd betta." And Raph scowled his usual scowl but it was softened because he was still so relaxed from whatever the kid had done in the lab and nothing really mattered but how good it felt to not have tension.

"Who else would I trust?" and Mike's smile was very soft and only for him, and Raph found himself sighing in unexpected thrilled relief. He got up and left the room without looking back, not even when Freckles started saying something that sounded serious.

* * *

"Just so you know," Little Mikey said, "this doesn't mean we're back at square one."

Mike's shoulders slumped, despite the rush of tranquility still flooding him like a drug. "I'm sorry," he muttered, "I'm just…I knew you'd feel it."

"Well, yeah, duh. You should see the trauma I went through after the first coma. I couldn't stop screaming every time I slept. I'll probably be screaming again for a while."

Mike flinched and wanted to curl up against his pillow. He adjusted his pose until he was facing his younger counterpart, his eyes roaming across the landscape of scars. Little Mikey was smiling gently, his eyes, as always, kind.

"I think," Little Mikey said, "that we should bring your brothers in. They can see what you've been up to."

Mike bit his lip. "I don't know if I'm ready…"

"They are. They've been waiting. I've been feeling it."

Mike stared down at his hands. "I burned down a whole island. I made a building explode."

"Yeah, with raw force. You pulled it back. You're a super fast learner."

Mike coughed out a humorless laugh. "Fast learner. Hah."

"Hey," Little Mikey grinned. "I'm the one with learning disabilities. You mostly needed the right motivation and inspiration."

Mike rested his chin in his hands. "I suppose. I wonder how Donnie would be with the hover game I made up."

"Dude, he'd love it."

Little Mikey leaned forward and grabbed his wrists, pulling his hands down and squeezing them. "Really. It'll be okay. I promise, Big Me. Everything's still here."

He sighed. "I'll remember that."

As they began the meditation and telepathic travel into the white place, Mike recalled the worried look in Raph's eyes as he set Little Mikey down on his bed, and he held on to it.

"And now," Little Mikey said, "we're gonna meditate. And we're gonna go to the white place. And clean stuff up. And maybe hang out with my girlfriend and a couple of weird gods. And you'll be okay."

Mike nodded, relieved. He'd be okay. He could face his brothers later..

* * *

It was later.

As their bodies sat in the dojo, Mikey grinned and led his brothers on a merry chase through his counterpart's mental world until they caught up with the others, who were already heavily involved in the game, bright spheres flying and bouncing off the ever-moving wall. Growls and cheers and taunts filled the air. Older Mike was wearing a huge grin on his face, eyes narrowed, spinning widely around his brothers, scoring more points than they could even see.

"Don't say it!" Older Raph snarled. "Don't you say, it Mike…"

"You're just jealous because I'm the…"

"Noooo…"

"Battle Nexus Champion!"

'GOD DAMN IT, THAT'S IT."

And the two brothers were wrestling in mid-air, letting out good-natured snarls, grabbing limbs and faces and shells. The older Leo and Don hung back, rolling their eyes, but keeping sharp focus in case the hothead and the comedian actually hurt each other. Mikey sat on his bright orange skating disc, legs crossed chin in his hands. Rotating upright, Older Raph and Older Mike stared at each other. And then, they began slapping each other in the gentle, soft, open-handed swatting of comedies, grunting weakly. Both Leonardos began laughing hard enough to wobble their discs.

"WIMPS!" Donnie yelled, and Older Donnie almost fell off his disc, holding his sides.

"HE STARTED IT," Older Mike pouted, and suddenly split his dark orange disc in two, one for each foot. In a figure skating flip, he rotated over Raphael's head, smacked the back of his head, and took off, legs pumping the discs on his feet bright blurs. Growling higher in his throat, Older Raph tried to split his disc and couldn't, so he pushed through the air, picking up speed in the chase. Mikey considered splitting the disc for him into roller discs but he was having too much fun. Besides, it was Michelangelo's world. Mikey held up his hands and began counting, and as he hit four, Raph's frustrated yell was heard. Mikey cackled.

"He's in a bubble," Mikey giggled when the others turned to stare at him. "Mike blocked him with a bubble and stuck him in it."

There was a collective groan. As Mike was skating back into view, followed by a POP and a visibly frustrated Raph, Mikey clapped his hands and split everyone's discs into individual roller discs.

"Got you now!" Older Raph launched himself at Older Mike, who squealed, then let out a piercing shriek when all that muscle landed on him, overpowering and gripping him. Like a cat, he began to kick at Raph's plastron, and then in a blur, moved his arms and flexed his wrists and shoved Older Raphael away, who spun out of control and crashed into Older Don, who caught him with a yell and flailed.

Older Leo rushed Mike, who effortlessly ducked and gently spun to the side, lashing out to tag Leo on the side of the head.

Then the weapons came out, and so did the predatory smiles.

Mikey widened his eyes, giving his Leo a pleading look. Leo grinned, reaching for his katana. Mikey whipped out his own 'chucks, waiting for Raph and Donnie to follow. As the older Leo and Mike circled each other, Older Raph and Don realized what was happening and had their weapons out in a second.

And soon Mikey completely forgot who was supposed to spar with whom. They switched often. It didn't actually matter. He noticed that Older Mike wasn't even using telekinesis, so he didn't use his. Older Mike was simply applying nothing but pure skill. And Mikey watched as the older turtles grew shocked, stunned, confused, and then amazed. Older Leonardo looked extremely impressed and Older Raphael seemed proud. Mikey sighed, relieved. Good. Mike wasn't showing off, holding back, flaunting, or slowing himself down at all. He was outmatching his brothers, and they were proud.

When he came face to face with his counterpart, summer blue eyes glinting, he didn't even think. They mirrored each other as they put their nunchaku in their holsters and allowed the blue electric glow to overtake them. Nunchaku made of indigo energy crackled into existence, and Mikey was the first one to spin and take the first shot. Older Mike struck a half-second later, and the air crackled as the telekinetic weapons smacked against each other.

The others paused, then completely stopped, watching in silent awe.

When Older Mike changed his weapon into a bokken, Mikey followed, and the battle raged all over the sky. They were so equally matched that Mikey worried there wouldn't be any variances in creativity. Then he realized that his agility and stealth were better, while older Mike's strength and speed were more refined.

Mikey began to incorporate dances moves; ballet and capoeira. Mike broke out a frightening blend of concentrated strength and speed. Mikey felt a wind whip around them and pushed all of his senses into the fight. Somewhere in the mix, he heard Older Raph mutter "No fucking way. I didn't even know he could do that!" and Older Don answered, "He really has been holding back quite a bit all these years."

Older Leo was silent. Mikey could easily sense his astonished pride, and a great deal of wounded guilt.

Mikey didn't know who stopped first, but he found himself completely still, panting, gripping his bokken tightly, teeth bared. A couple of feet away, Older Mike was a mirror.

Older Mike smiled very slowly, and his glow began to spread until it was all Mikey could see. He shut his eyes.

* * *

When he looked up, he was in the dojo. Everyone was blinking and breathing hard. Mikey swallowed and looked at his counterpart.

Older Mike was sweating profusely, shaking, eyes half-closed. At some point, he had folded over, legs straightening, arms tucked in and hugging his midsection. A jolt of alarm shot up Mikey's spine, and the immediate sense of crackling electric fog slammed into him like a train.

This must be what it felt like. This must be…

No wonder his brothers seemed so terrified…

He heard himself cry, "Help him!" and he sprang to his feet, as the older Mike fell onto his side, muscles all along his body contracting, spasm after spasm and Mikey's head was starting to pound.

Older Leo was the first, like the wind, scooping his brother into his arms, kneeling, placing Older Mike's head on his thighs. His hand went to the smaller turtle's neck, fingers pressed to the pulse point.

Older Don was there with Older Raph at his heels, crouched around them, and their voices were low. Mikey stood there, knowing he couldn't do anything, and he felt his own brothers surround him, hands on his shoulders, Donnie slipping a hand into his, nudging him, his thoughts full of _Now you get it_ and Mikey just nodded mutely. Never again was he going to wave his family away for freaking out after he had seizures.

Three minutes later, Older Raphael jumped up and ran from the dojo. Mikey tilted his head, watching the older Don and Leo murmur to a blinking, glassy-eyed older Mike, who was panting and pale. Older Don was stroking his forehead while Older Leo was carefully palpating his arms and torso. Older Raph returned with a bottle of Gatorade, a protein shake, and a pillow and blanket. He helped Mike drink slowly, propped against Older Leo, and Mikey watched his counterpart slide his wide, foggy eyes to him.

 _S'okay, right?_ And Older Mike's mental voice held a vibrating tremble.

 _It's okay,_ he reassured, although he paused. Was it okay? He had no idea how to help when it was somebody else. He'd had plenty of seizures alone and he knew all the aftercare procedures, but he'd never thought about seeing someone else go through one. Let alone a trans-dimensional counterpart. _Man, I am an idiot,_ he thought. _I never bothered to figure that crap out._

He felt someone nudge him, and Raph was frowning at him; there was deep worry in his eyes. Mikey frowned back. He shrugged. Raph then nudged his mind.

 _Hey, what if he's…overloading?_ Raph's thoughts were full of bewilderment. Mikey bit the inside of his cheek and considered. And then it hit him.

"Oh! OH shit, okay." And everyone watched him as he scooted to his counterpart, placing a hand on his chest. He looked at those still startingly familiar ocean blue eyes, which were dilated and dull. Mikey watched as the pupils shrank to nothing as Older Mike stared back at him, breathing a little shakily.

"What?" Older Don asked. "What is it?"

"Overload," Mikey said, as if it were a _eureka_ moment. "He pushed himself using so much power that it…it, like, overwhelmed him, does that make sense?"

Older Don nodded. "It certainly does. Are these seizures going to be fairly regular now?" And at that, the Older Raph looked suddenly terrified, cupping Older Mike's face in a large hand.

Mikey bit his lip and nodded reluctantly. "Um, the whole M'Kari thing, they developed epilepsy like a side effect? I think? Donnie, what's that about again?"

He listened to Donnie get up and stand behind him. "Since the psionics affect the whole-brain circuitry," Donnie said, "a slip-up will make a neurological impact in the form of the brain misfiring, setting off excitable neurons, which will lead to a migraine or seizure. Sometimes both." He rested his hands on Mikey's shoulders. "The M'Kari couldn't fix that even if they wanted to. Epilepsy was pretty much the global weakness. All they could do was manage it."

Older Leo held his own youngest brother closer, more tightly. "Okay. Okay, we can work with that. April can get us a prescription if need be."

"Prescription for what?" Older Mike said shakily. "I'm not having them every day," right?"

"No, hopefully," Older Donnie said. "But medication to manage and prevent epilepsy itself needs to be taken every day. I want to say we could manage it on our own, with teas and with katas and meditation techniques. But I don't want to risk it not being enough."

Older Mike pouted and twisted in Leo's hold, trying to sit up on his own. Older Leo slowly let him go, but his eyes looked sad.

"I'm sorry, Mikey," he whispered.

"Wha?" Older Mike whipped his head around. "Why?"

Older Leo looked at the floor. "For pushing you. For being so hard on you. I sensed your raw potential all this time. I wanted you to use it. I kept getting frustrated when you held yourself back."

Mike raised an eyebrow. "I did it for you. So you wouldn't feel overshadowed."

Older Leo nodded. "I know that now. I mean, I actually realize that. I shouldn't have been such a jerk about it. You went so far that your behavior started changing to fit why you wouldn't let all your talent out."

"Uh, I was a self-centered jerk and I bragged about being awesome."

"Yes, but you did it to hide the real reasons," Older Leo countered. "You really _were_ awesome, you just pulled back and relied on flamboyance and charisma, to ensure that we, your brothers, looked better as ninjas. I understand now." He grabbed Mike's hand and squeezed it. "You don't need to, okay?"

Older Mike stared at him silently, and his mouth opened. Slowly, he nodded. There were tears in his eyes.

Mikey, on his end, felt unbelievably grateful.

* * *

Raph could feel tension leaving the dojo like a stiff breeze. The older counterparts seemed to close in on themselves as they huddled. Mikey and Donnie came back, and Raph and Leo stood up. "Maybe we should give them space," Raph suggested. He no longer felt that cold grip of worry; it had vanished as soon as the older Leonardo had started talking.

On the living room couches sat Splinter, April, and Casey. Splinter rose to face them. "My students," he said, "is everything well?"

"Yes, sensei," Leo nodded. "Michelangelo – your son – had a seizure, but he's all right. They're all in there talking now. I guess Leonardo and Michelangelo needed to have a chat."

Master Splinter bowed his head. "Yes. I am glad for that."

A few noises came through the paper walls, what sounded like crying. But Mikey was smiling happily. "Awww, Raphie loves him. Awww." A pause. Then, "Hah, Don is apologizing for thinking Mike's mask was on too tight and cutting off the oxygen to his brain. I think you guys have said that to me!"

Raph wasn't smiling. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Donnie shuffle his foot. He cleared his throat and put his arm around his baby brother. "I dunno about you guys, but I'm starving."

"We brought pizza," Casey piped up.

"I ain't waiting for those losers!" and Raph hopped the couch, grinning as he landed on the plushest cushion. He felt his brothers sit next to him, Mikey close to his side. They bumped shoulders. Raph grabbed a slice of pepperoni and chewed mindlessly. Thank gods he was no longer uncomfortable; at least the other Mike would figure out how to not explode things. That was all he wanted.

* * *

"I'm thinking," Donnie was saying, "that maybe tomorrow we can try figuring out the portal to get home."

Mikey snapped out of his reverie to listen. At the same time, their counterparts came into the living room and sat for their meal. Older Don raised his slice to Donnie. "That's a fine idea. I've learned how to tune in to your dimension. Now it's a question of your side knowing when to open their portal.

"I'll ask Gaia," Mikey said around his mouthful of third slice. He swallowed and smiled at them all. "We've been chatting in the white place. Turns out her reach is so long that she can open the portal and hold it for a while! Pretty cool."

"Wouldn't that be painful?" April queried.

"Yeah, after a while," Mikey said. "But not enough to stop her. No matter how much Master Splinter glares. I think she offers to brush him if he backs off."

"All right, then," said Older Don. "Sensei, I know it seems safer to have them here a little longer, but I think getting them home as soon as we can would be best."

Splinter bowed his head. "You are correct. As much as I enjoy having the children with us, recovering well, returning them to their home world is vital. How are you feeling, young Michelangelo?"

Mikey paused, staring down at himself. Scars everywhere glared at him, and the fresh one on his left leg looked so raw that a brief flash of pain shook him. He heard Bishop laughing.

And then, Older Mike's voice was in his head. _It's okay, Little Me, I'm here. You're safe. He's dead. Remember? Raphie and I killed him._

Mikey felt the coldness of the saw blade. _What if he comes back for you?_

_He won't. He fucking won't. Even if he slithered back to life at the bottom of the ocean, he's never gonna bother us again. I'll smash his face in if he tries. A dozen times._

Breathing in slowly, Mikey let himself smile. "I'm okay," he said softly. "I mean, I'll be okay."

_That's my boy. We'll get through this. They'll help us._

When Mike projected a firm image of their sets of brothers, standing side by side, like soldiers on a field, surrounding the two of them, Mikey almost cried in relief.

They would get through this. They would be okay.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Author's Note: I have a lot of Complicated Feelings about the 2003 4Kids series, especially once Season 4 began. With the exception of a couple of episodes like 'Grudge Match', the show seemed to treat Mikey like a boastful insensitive comic relief, bloating his ego. It was frustrating and made it hard for me to watch. Thus, here is my attempt at "redeeming" the self-centered character he was written as. I imagine a lot of depth and darkness inside, surrounded by a lot of sunshine and nurturing and endless loving kindness. A lot of fanfic authors write 2003 Michelangelo as having a massive ego with not much depth, proudly annoying and careless. I don't enjoy that. I still feel embarrassed for him. But I am personally biased, after all. I've watched his character move and grow through a dozen incarnations. I've been with him for 28 years, and the headcanons are strong.)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Author's Note: Hi! This is the final chapter. Unless the requester, Ryo-Chan Wolfgirl, asks for more. But I think the story is done. It was one of the most fascinating and fun undertakings ever. I didn't think I could tackle 2003 Mikey, but then I remembered how they wrote him and how much it bothered me, and I realized that this was my chance, so I cracked my knuckles and got to work writing the 2003 Michelangelo that could have happened. I hope you like it. The story went in all sorts of places I didn't expect and pulled me along at breakneck speed, and I'm thrilled. Ryo, I had a blast writing this for you. I wish you all the luck writing your own version of my AU!)

 

Wish that you could build a time machine  
So you could see  
The things no one can see  
Feels like you're standing on the edge  
Looking at the stars  
And wishing you were them

What do you do when a chapter ends?  
Do you close the book and never read it again?  
Where do you go when your story's done?  
You can be who you were or who you'll become  
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, if it all goes wrong  
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, darling just hold on

The sun goes down and it comes back up  
The world it turns no matter what  
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, if it all goes wrong  
Darling, just hold on

Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, darling, just hold on  
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh

It's not over 'til it's all been said  
It's not over 'til your dying breath  
So what do you want them to say when you're gone?  
That you gave up or that you kept going on?

What do you do when a chapter ends?  
Do you close the book and never read it again?  
Where do you go when your story's done?  
You can be who you were or who you'll become  
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, if it all goes wrong  
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, darling just hold on

The sun goes down and it comes back up  
The world it turns no matter what  
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, if it all goes wrong  
Darling, just hold on

Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh  
Darling, just hold on  
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh  
If it all goes wrong  
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh  
Darling just hold on

Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh  
If it all goes wrong, darling just hold on

-Steve Aoki, "Just Hold On"

* * *

You had your maps drawn  
You had other plans  
To hang your hopes on  
Every road they let you down felt so wrong  
So you found another way

You've got a big heart  
The way you see the world  
It got you this far  
You might have some bruises  
And a few of scars  
But you know you're gonna be okay

And even though you're scared  
You're stronger than you know

If you're lost out where the lights are blinding  
Caught in all, the stars are hiding  
That's when something wild calls you home, home  
If you face the fear that keeps you frozen  
Chase the sky into the ocean  
That's when something wild calls you home, home

Sometimes the past can  
Make the ground benneath you feel like a quicksand  
You don't have to worry  
You reach for my hand  
Yeah I know you're gonna be okay  
You're gonna be okay

And even if you're scared  
You're stronger than you know

If you're lost out where the lights are blinding  
Caught in all, the stars are hiding  
That's when something wild calls you home, home  
If you face the fear that keeps you frozen  
Chase the sky into the ocean  
That's when something wild calls you home, home

Calls you home  
Calls you home  
Calls you home  
Calls you home

If you're lost out where the lights are blinding  
Caught in all, the stars are hiding  
That's when something wild calls you home

If you're lost out where the lights are blinding  
Caught in all, the stars are hiding  
That's when something wild calls you home, home  
If you face the fear that keeps you frozen  
Chase the sky into the ocean  
That's when something wild calls you home, home

-Lindsey Sterling ft Andrew McMahon, "Something Wild"

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen**

Leo was doing katas in the dojo with Little Leo. Don and Little Donnie were in the lab. The two Raphs were in the weight room. Mike had thought he and Little Mikey were done with their astral travels for the day, but apparently not. It was shortly before bed time, and they were in his room, and Mikey was casually making two of his action figures battle on Mike's pillow.

Mike paced his room, and once the villain action figure had dramatically died, he sat heavily on his bed and just stared at his young counterpart. Little Mikey glanced up, saw his expression, and levitated the action figures to the shelf.

"Okay, okay. I get it, brah. Look, I just wanted to go a little beyond the white place so I could check on something." Little Mikey pulled himself into a full agura position, wincing visibly as the thick red keloid scar on his left thigh pulled and throbbed. Mike remembered how painful keloids were, and he frowned in sympathy.

"Wait, what's beyond the white place?" he asked. "I thought…I thought, like, the white place was already beyond."

Little Mikey huffed and rubbed the scar with two fingers. "Nah. There's whole levels of spirit plane I haven't shown you. I didn't think you'd need to see them. Only other telepath besides me who goes there is Gaia. Maybe April, I haven't asked."

"Yeah, your April's a half-alien telepath, I almost forgot. That is truly weird."

"So." Mikey looked at him, then at his own hands. "This level…this place, I mean…it's, like, not...not anything you guys have seen. I don't think. You've all probably had more supernatural adventures."

"Well," Mike admitted, "There was that whole Ninja Tribune thing. And, um. Dragons."

Little Mikey smirked. "Dragons. Yeah. Dude. But this…you could probably…be one, again."

Mike frowned. "Go on…"

"It's…" Mikey sighed. "It's this place where everything and nothing happens all at once. When you're there, nothing matters. You start to heal from whatever you need healing from. It's not a permanent thing, it gives you a big push."

"But…?" There was always a but.

"It's hard to get to and you can't stay long because it hurts when you come back."

"Gotcha. Well, I'm willing, little dude. I've been in way weird situations, I think I can work with this."

Mikey's smile was small and relieved. When Mike held out his hands, the freckled one took them and gave a squeeze.

Mike barely had any time to act before he found himself in the white place.

"Now what?" he asked, staring at the jade tree. Because next to it was a transparent, shimmering tree that looked like ash. There was a wide crack right down the center, glowing.

Beside him, Little Mikey took a huge breath, as though preparing to dive. He grabbed Mike's hand and swung their arms. Mike felt a painful inrush, like everything was sucking him inside, and when he unfolded he was floating in a…sky? Space? It was full of colors. He could not describe it in words. Everything was sensation. Colors and music and feeling and emotion and temperature, all at once. Synesthesia as a place.

Slivers of energy swam around him, some of them pressing against him like tiny tiny minnows. There was nothing familiar, nothing he could grasp as normal. Desperately, he flailed, and realized his left hand was still grasped. _Mikey!_ He called.

 _It's okay, it's okay, stay calm._ Little Mikey's voice was underwater and flowing, not words but sensations and colors. Mike inhaled softly. The place moved around him, close and tight and pressing, and he loved the feeling, being weighed down and hugged, and there was no fear. He sighed long and deep. He realized time was passing. He did not want to leave.

He felt as though he was being born.

There were voices. He joined them. He had no idea what anyone was saying, but he also knew everything. It was joyful. He embraced everything he could reach, everything known and unknown. He felt his young counterpart. He felt Gaia Mako. He let out a series of purring churrs and coos and chirps that echoed. It filled him everywhere, the sounds of light and shadow, the tastes of music, the touch of songs.

After a long long time, there was an insistent tug. His body was so loose that he could barely respond. Then a body was pressed to his, a body like his, a head tucked under his chin.

The place of sensation vanished, and he was in the white place, and Little Mikey was lying on top of him, panting, sweating. Mike wrapped his arms around the boy.

"Hey," he said, "you okay?"

Mikey smiled and swallowed. "I will be?"

Mike sensed that his freckled counterpart was weak and tired, so he reached and pulled, and moved them back to the physical world.

He was lying on his bed. Little Mikey was lying on top of him, shivering and sweating. In the doorway stood Raph and April.

When Mike looked over at them, they rushed over.

"Is everything okay?" April demanded. Her hands touched Little Mikey's head and neck.

"I think we're fine," Mike said, sitting up. Raph helped him, then gently scooped Little Mikey into his own arms. The boy's eyes were glazed. Without a word, Raph carried him out, and Mike let April help him up. His muscles were so relaxed that he swayed. April ducked under his arm to support him.

In the living room, their family was crowded around the lab doors. As one, they turned to Mike. Mike noticed that the two Donatellos and the two Raphaels weren't in the crowd. He guessed they were in the infirmary.

"It's okay," he assured. "We were meditating."

"How deeply?!" Leo's concern was loud and tight.

"It's okay!" he repeated, and felt the calmness radiate out and flow over them. They all frowned.

"We…in the astral plane…we talked about how to get the kids home," Mike said, in an airy, soft tone he knew they had never heard from him. It was a spiritual level I didn't know existed. Gaia was there. I mean, her essence. We had a long long talk." He closed his eyes, feeling the blush hit his cheeks and neck. "We…we kissed. Um." He clamped his mouth shut.

Leo tilted his head, staring, as did Splinter. Little Leo, Casey, and April exchanged glances that became smirks.

Finally, Master Splinter drew in a breath and smiled. "I am glad you are doing well, my son." And Leo raised his eyebrows, but his face relaxed.

"Good! Yeah!" Mike glanced around, still nervous for no reason he could place. Also, tired. And foggy. "Um. What's…what's going on? Is something wrong?"

Splinter touched his face, tilting his head. "Your eyes are strange. Are you feeling well, Michelangelo?"

Mike blinked. "Um. Just tired. Little Mikey said we could be tired when we came out of…"

"You had a seizure, Mikey," Don's voice drifted out from the lab. "Both of you. Didn't you tell?"

Mike frowned. "No? Why? What's it feel like?"

Donnie hurried out to him and grabbed his head, "Look me in the eye, okay? Follow my finger. Now I need you to-"

Confused, Mike played Don's odd game of tests, and felt his hands begin to shake as Don pressed on them.

"Yup," Donnie confirmed. "Lie down. Are you very tired? Foggy? Is it getting hard to form words?"

As Mike was gently pressed down to a couch by Leo, he found his sight blurring. "Yes, all of that? Don, what's up with that?"

April moved to sit by his head. "Here's the thing about epilepsy. Sometimes you won't know a seizure has happened until after. So let's say you stay still until you start feeling better."

"When did you figure all that out?"

"I'm a researcher, Mikey, it's what I do. Casey, get him some juice, please? And a cool damp washcloth.

Mike couldn't understand the fuss, but his hands were still shaking and he wanted to sleep forever, so he let his family worry over him, and decided to mentally search for his counterpart after juice.

And then he remembered the other thing.

"Wait! Wait, I need to see-" And again, hands on his shoulders and "Don't make me sit on you," Leo warned gently. And there was a cup held to his mouth, and he drank slowly but his mind was racing through the fog and he wanted to burst into tears.

"Mikey," and Leo ran his fingers along his cheek, "Mikey, hey, shh, it's okay. You're shaking, try to breathe. Deep breaths, little brother."

And he couldn't quit trembling but he _needed_ to know because that thing was—

There was some sort of commotion.

"Wait, no, don't let him hurt himself!"

"What do you think I'm trying to do? He keeps getting out of the bed!"

"Mikey, stop that, stop, Mikey, what, what is it? Why…Damn it, someone…"

"Fuuuck. I got this. C'mere, little brat…"

And while Leo and April were distracted, Mikey sat up a little, peering over Leo's shoulder.

Little Donnie was half in and half out the lab door, full of gangly confusion, his diastema prominent in clenched teeth. "He keeps asking how your Mike is…"

"Flat on the couch," Mike yowled, "and grumpy about it!"

"Let 'im see for himself," came Raph's voice. A few seconds later, Mike blinked, as his bulky brother came into sight cradling the freckled child, who was staring owlishly around at everyone.

Mike remembered the thing now, reached out a hand and a thought just as Little Mikey did the same—

-and electricity crashed between them and they both shrieked. Raph cursed, gripping Little Mikey tighter, and Leo's arms came crashing around Mike, pulling him back and up against the cushions. Mike let himself be held there. The shaking was starting to ease. Raph sat on the couch with Little Mikey on his lap, who uncurled, murmured something, and rubbed his face with one hand. Raph merely nodded and set him on the couch. Finally, they were touching. Little Mikey limply rested his head against Mike's bicep and grunted.

Mike just nodded at him. "You remember?"

Little Mikey grinned weakly. "Duh, yeah. Gaia and April might have to modify for the other side. Oh, and it wasn't a memory."

"Felt like a memory." Mike rubbed his face with both hands, and the flashes came back behind his eyes, the sense of doubling, of everyone being everywhere at once, two Splinters laughing together, two huge trees superimposed spiraling out of a dojo toward an impossible sky.

"Future, man," Little Mikey said, and he dropped his hands and stared. "Wait, really? We saw the future?"

And Little Mikey burst into shaky laughter, eyes feverishly bright, legs kicking, and Little Leo came to hold him in a mirror pose until both Mikes were leaned against their Leos in exhaustion.

"That's so cute, it's so new to you. Dude, I could get used to this. Man, can we stay longer? I need to teach this guy some things."

Little Leo frowned. "I thought you told us you can do that across dimensions, in the white place."

Mike and his brothers, Splinter, and April exchanged glances.

"Oh, I can. It takes more energy, but I can. It's just…guys, this is so _fun_ I wanna do this like _forever_."

And Mike found himself gleeful, but his smile faded when he saw the sad solemnity in the eyes of the kids.

"But…?" April prodded.

"I…" Little Donnie bit his lip. "I don't like how this trans-dimensional energy is interacting with Mikey's psionics, it's putting him off-kilter. I'm worried he'll hurt himself if we stay too long."

Little Mikey flopped with feline grace to peer at Little Donnie over the back of the couch. "Yeah, but how long, Dee? A week? A month? Come oonn, I might get…what is the word, acclimated."

Little Leo was stroking his head. "Mikey, it's not our world."

And there was a sudden build-up, a burst of foggy energy, and Mike sensed the most powerful shields ever constructed crumble a little.

"I'm not our world!" Little Mikey cried out. "I'm not _any_ world. The world that grew in my brain is gone. I'm all that's left. I'm all by myself in here…" And he pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead, "and it gets dark and hollow, and Neural is no help because he keeps maintaining, and I can't keep talking to myself, and nobody _understands_ and maybe I _need_ something…something…s-s-s-some…"

"Oh gods and kami, Mikey, no, no…" and Leo was rocking him like a child, eyes wide and afraid and _I don't know what to do_ and his entire body was tense, and then Little Raph was there, smooshed against them on the couch, arms wrapping around older and younger, cheek pressed against Little Mikey's cheek.

Little Donnie was crouched closely, a device in his hands, Mike recognized it as an Utrom scanner for vital signs and brain activity. He was holding Little Mikey's free hand, tight tight tight, and an unspoken force passed between them, tears in Little Donnie's eyes, and Little Mikey's _I'm so sorry, I'm sorry_ loud enough for everyone to hear.

Leo was hugging him from behind, nuzzling his jaw and breathing those very deep meditative exercises. "Mikey, bro, talk to me. I'm here."

"I'm scared," Mike whispered. "I don't wanna be sick and disabled. I wanna handle myself. But if that's the side effects of having superpowers, I'll take it. Just…promise you'll stay. You have to stay, all of you."

Another hug, a soft intake of shuddering breath, and Leo's voice was music. "You're never alone. You are my brother, my clansman, one of my best friends in the universe." He took a breath and Mike felt him smile. "In this life, we only have each other. If one of us goes down, we all go down."

Mikey finally grinned. "I remember. You got me through that grudge match."

"And I will get you through everything else, my brother."

That was good enough.

And then there was another hand, another arm, another embrace, and Donatello was gazing at him with wide desperate eyes. "I still have nightmares," his engineer brother gasped. "And I know that future can never be ours. So I feel all right."

Mike smiled tearfully. "Don't disappear on us, Donnie, and everything will be awesome…"

And Don pressed his face to Mike's neck, releasing a sob. "Never letting go."

A thud, a familiar grunt, and a familiar hand on the top of Mike's head. "In this together," Raph said. "All or none."

And Mikey finally let his sobbing laugh bubble up, and it was a good release, two sets of brothers comforting each other, and not far away, two humans and a sensei witnessing.

And Mikey recalled two Splinters laughing over cups of tea in a different kitchen, and he knew family was family.

* * *

Mikey took a deep breath. Hours of sparring, meals, movies, and laughter later, and they were standing in the lab.

He closed his eyes and reached across the astral plane, across worlds. _Gaia? Kitten? Can you hear me?_

_I'm here, Sunshine. We're ready. April and I are standing by. Master Splinter is helping._

He nodded. "Guys, they're ready on the other side."

Older Donnie nodded back. In his hand was a hastily created portal gun. He pointed it at thin air and hit the trigger.

As pink light filled space, there was a pause, and pink was met with blue, and a large, wide oval opened. It widened, and Mikey began to see the floor of Donnie's lab. Three wide-eyed smiling faces peeked through.

"Hi, guys!" Donnie yelled.

"Donnie!" April cried. "Whoa, is that…you guys?"

Mikey and his brothers glanced back at their bigger counterparts. "Um. Would you guys like to join us for a while? I promise me an' Gaia can send you back."

"Really? Older Mike gasped.

Across space and time, Gaia grinned. "Did I not mention that?"

"I forgot," Older Mike said sheepishly.

"Hell yeah!" Older Raph cheered. He glanced back at older April and Casey. April smiled. "You guys go on. We'll wait here. Hello, young me!"

"Hi, older me," April said, fascinated. "You have green eyes."

The two Caseys stared at each other. "Dude, what happened to your teeth?" "Dude, why are you old?"

The two Raphs smacked them. Mikey giggled, and then hopped through the portal. He immediately fell into Gaia's arms, and her mocha scent surrounded him. He held her as tightly as he could, closing his eyes, barely listening as everyone else jumped after him.

"I missed you," he whispered.

"I missed you," she murmured back, rubbing her cheek against his. "I'm gonna have to rub my face on you all over again."

"Mmm, promise?"

Somewhere in the background, he heard Master Splinter draw in a deep breath. "Welcome, Splinter-san. I am Hamato Yoshi."

There was silence, and the other Splinter said reverently, "Master…"

"Please," his father said gently. "If it would avoid confusion, call me Yoshi."

"I…I…yes, Yoshi-sama."

Mikey grinned. This was gonna be _fun._

* * *

Leo sipped his tea, leaning against the kitchen doorway, watching his sensei and other-dimensional sensei sit at the table with tea and cheesicles, talking animatedly. His own counterpart stood beside him, a hand on his shoulder, grinning. "Look at Splinter," Older Leo whispered. "Look how happy he is."

"I guess he never expected to actually meet Yoshi again," Leo smiled, "regardless of whatever version."

Yoshi said something and Splinter laughed. Leo blushed. "Okay, so that wasn't one of my finer moments, but I was four."

"Sounds familiar anyway," Older Leo grinned. "Come on. We shouldn't eavesdrop like this."

And Yoshi's ear twitched, and he didn't mind when his son and his son's fascinating larger counterpart walked away. He was staring at his fully rat counterpart, all gray fur but the same white beard, the same way it was stroked, the way those darker eyes bore into his own as if searching for something powerfully familiar. He noticed the rat's posture, both leaned away and pointed toward him, achingly reaching and respectfully distant. He imagined Shen herself coming home with a pet rat, maybe a gift for baby Miwa, and he smiled to himself.

"…and little Raphael," he continued, "spitfire troublemaker, independent from the very start."

"Did he cry often?" Splinter queried.

"Indeed, although he must never know," and Yoshi grinned. "He was protective but harsh, particularly with Michelangelo, who fussed and cried over nearly everything but food! I remember once when they were two. I put them down for a nap, but Michelangelo wanted to play still. He kept calling out, 'Papa, play!' and Raphael climbed right over Donatello and lay himself flat on Michelangelo, squeezing him and growling in his face. Michelangelo was so startled that he squeaked and stayed silent until Raphael began to fall asleep on him. He then fell asleep himself, and neither child moved. I did not want Raphael to crush his brother, so I began to lift him. Raphael grumbled and held on even tighter. And Michelangelo let out a series of chirps and wrapped his little arms around Raphael. And so I left them there and simply watched over them."

"And?" Splinter lifted his cup to his mouth, smiling as though he knew what would come.

"And when Donatello rolled onto his side, placing his hand against Michelangelo's plastron, Raphael let out a soft, sleepy growl and placed his hand over Donatello's. But rather than pushing it away, he held onto it. And then Leonardo awoke, if only for a second. He raised his head, saw the scene before him, smiled, and curled around Donatello, and his arm reached out as if trying to embrace all his brothers at once."

"That is lovely," Splinter said softly, "and familiar."

"Then we are not very different," Yoshi said, reaching out and patting Splinter's hand. The rat glanced down, staring at their hands for several quiet moments. He sighed. "Please, tell me more about Tang Shen. And Miwa."

"You may meet Miwa shortly," Yoshi said, and Splinter brightened. "She is out on a walk, but she will be home soon."

He paused. "And Shen…my Tang Shen…"

Splinter placed his other hand over Yoshi's. "I miss her as well. She always treated me as part of the family."

"I thought I could not live on without her," Yoshi murmured, taking a long sip of his tea. "But once the turtles mutated, and I realized how vulnerable they were, they became my life."

"This is true."

"Let me tell you a tale of when Shen was pregnant. She began to have a craving for a particular tea we made from the cherry blossom tree that bloomed in the yard."

"Oh, goodness," and Splinter began to laugh. "Oh, no."

"Yes," Yoshi grinned. "And when the blossoms did not bloom, she would become so restless that very little would soothe her. One day, I was out shopping for groceries, I came across a very large package of cherry blossom tea, loose and mixed with black tea. I imagined it would have to do. So I took it to the cashier. She rang it up, and it was three times the price I had thought. I said, 'Please, it is for my pregnant wife, who craves our homemade cherry blossom tea from the yard. Can you give me some sort of discount?' And the woman's eyes widened. She stepped back and I noticed that she herself was pregnant. She told me, 'I shall give you this for half-price, then, you must not keep her waiting!' And we quickly bagged up my groceries together."

"Keep going!" Splinter said.

"I hurried home, and Shen was on the couch, glaring at me as I put everything away. 'I am not making supper,' she warned me, 'it is your turn.' So I hid the box behind my back and came to her. I said, 'I hope you find this sufficient, my love' and I produced it. She stared for a long moment, and I think I began to sweat! And then she smiled and said, 'please brew me a cup right now, and make that salmon I smell.' So I did."

"Please tell me she enjoyed that store-bought tea!"

Yoshi sighed. "She did! It was just enough to last until the tree bloomed again. When we returned to the same store, we met with that same cashier. She recognized me, and she asked Shen if she liked the tea. They wound up having a discussion on child-rearing."

"How wonderful," Splinter murmured, "and fortuitous."

"Indeed."

And it was then that Karai walked into the kitchen.

"Hello, daughter!" Yoshi smiled.

"Karai," Splinter whispered. "Ah, that is right, in this world, Shredder's daughter is Yoshi's with Shen." He raised his voice. "Hello."

Karai had paused and was making owl eyes. "Clearly I missed something very exciting. There are other versions of the boys in the living room, and the big Raphael is angry about losing to Raph in pinball."

"Come sit," Yoshi said. "Has Michelangelo or Donatello explained?"

Karai nodded, still wide-eyed and staring at Splinter, who was staring right back. "Yes, both Donatellos launched into a detailed explanation, half of which I couldn't understand. But it seems that this trans-dimensional mishap has left the other Michelangelo with…the same powers, but not quite? Like a copy? I believe?"

"Something of that nature," Splinter said softly, and she jumped. "Oh! So...you are…you are the one who was always a rat."

Splinter nodded, and then stood to bow. "Greetings, Miwa-chan. Or do you prefer Karai?"

She smiled gently. "Either is fine."

"Miwa, then. Karai is…"

"I understand if you feel uncomfortable. That name is associated with very hateful things." Karai sat across from them, biting her lip. "Has my father…my real father…explained my origins and history?"

"Yes," Splinter said, "and I am so very sorry you had to live for fifteen years under Saki's hand. I am grateful that you are with your family." He bowed his head. "Our Karai…she never quite got over her vendetta, even after she assisted us to defeat Shredder once and for all. It was still the very idea of her father that she clung to."

Karai nodded. "When I was under his rule, I felt very similar. But the love of a parent is much better," and she smiled warmly.

Yoshi smiled back. "I was just regaling Splinter with stories of your mother while she was pregnant with you."

"Did you tell him the one about the cherry blossom tea?"

"Indeed! And before that we were comparing our experiences raising the boys."

"Oh!" and Karai rubbed her hands together. "I might use this for sisterly blackmail. Please, tell me!"

And the Splinters grinned at each other.

* * *

"So," April murmured, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, "is it easy for you guys to get along with humans now?"

Older Donatello shrugged. "A little. Some police officers know who we are, and Mikey has certainly made it easier with his charm. Really, you were the one who set it all in motion, so you're the one to thank for…well, everything in our lives."

April found herself blushing deeply. "You mean your April."

He smiled. It was soft and easy. "No, you. Pretty much you across the board. In almost every single version of us, you're there at the beginning, we're fifteen and we meet you and you're the catalyst."

"Every world, really?"

He frowned and looked down. "Uh, well, there was this one reality where we never met you and we wound up kinda collapsing as a family, and Mikey was the one who suffered the worst, we…we treated him like a whipping boy. I guess you could say that you humanized us."

Biting her lip, April cautiously took his hand. "That means a lot."

He squeezed her hand, again with that easy quick smile. Why was her Donnie so nervous all the time? Probably because he was younger? She heard soft footfalls and looked up to see Donnie blinking at them, and for some reason she couldn't really understand, she yanked her hand away and stammered. "Hi, Donnie! We were just…talking. About. Um. You guys. And me. And, uh…"

"How meeting April seems to be universal," Older Don rescued her. "And very needed."

Donnie merely sat next to her and grinned at them both. "Sounds about right. I was just going over some specifics with Gaia and Mikey, and Gaia says that with April's help she can pull the portal up any time, so there's no rush."

"Oh, good!" April said. "How is Mikey, is he better now that he's home?"

"Um," and Donnie rubbed the back of his neck, "well, when he was in my lab he had a…an incident, I guess? Maybe his brain's way of resetting its dimensional orientation. But he's okay, I think."

"What kind of incident?" Older Don asked, instantly tense and worried.

"A migraine from hell, it seems. I had to inject him with a couple of drugs. Gaia took him to his room, I think they're still there. Your Mike is, too. He had a full seizure and—whoa!"

Older Don had jumped to his feet with lightning speed and Donnie pressed both hands against his plastron. "He's all right! That's why they're in Mikey's bedroom, they're resting! He's okay, I gave him Ativan."

"I'll have to stock up," Older Don mumbled, uneasily sitting back down.

"Yeah, I keep forgetting you guys aren't used to this. Sorry. Um. I can print out an old schedule we used to keep for Mikey's maintenance, from like a year ago, if you want."

Older Don gave him a very strange look. "Maintenance schedule? Is it going to be that bad?"

Donnie and April looked at each other. "Well," Donnie said.

"It wasn't great," April shrugged. What could they say?

"Okay. All right. Okay. Well. At least we have access to a lot of things that would help." Older Don suddenly looked incredibly exhausted, as though in the span of seconds the world had begun to crumble around him. April sucked at her lip, and then launched herself at him, wrapping him in as strong a hug as she could.

His reaction was interesting. His muscles tightened to expect an attack, then loosened slightly. But his arms went around her unquestioningly. He held her very, very lightly, but very, very closely. His head automatically leaned against hers in a comfortable way.

They stayed that way for several minutes. April could sense Donnie looking on in curiosity.

"Our April does this all the time," Older Don whispered, and nuzzled her temple.

April smiled. "I hope she helps you relax, you seem to really need it."

He let out a huff of laughter. "Between her hugs and Mikey's shoulder massages, I've gotten a lot better."

He slowly pulled away, and April sat up straighter, smiling. "Well, now you can look forward to telekinetic empathic massages!"

"Oh, those are the best," Donnie chimed in.

"So, how does that work, anyway?" And Older Don was looking better, which had been the plan. April grinned, nudging him to turn around. "A little like this…" And she called her own power up, placing her hands on his gigantic shoulders. Moments later, a very soft "whoa…" made her giggle. Donnie winked at her.

* * *

"You're just a sore loser, admit it."

"No, I think you cheated!"

"You're just mad cuz I'm better."

"You are _not_ better, you're just…stealthier."

And Casey sighed dramatically, shoving them both away from the pinball machine and toward the training dummies. "Will you both just shut up and punch something!"

Older Raphael turned that amber glower on him. "Watch it, kid, I ain't above wantin' to punch _you_."

Raph merely folded his arms and pouted.

"Ugh," Casey muttered, "no difference whatsoever. I'll be right back." He stomped away.

They shrugged at each other, green meeting amber almost threateningly.

"Here," Casey said, dumping a mildly startled Chompy into Older Raph's arms. "This might cheer you up, you grumpy old man."

"Who the fuck you calling a—whoa, is this a…puppy…turtle…thing?"

"That's Chompy Picasso," Raph said, a little defensively. "We found him on a lava planet. His mom's called Tokka."

Older Raph was tickling Chompy's belly, holding the little alien in one large hand. "Tokka? Tokka's a she? Man. You're gonna need to explain that. Awww, lookit you, lookit your widdle tongue, you cute little whatever you are, aren't you adorable!"

Raph stared at Casey, who just smirked and shook his head. Nobody could resist puppies.

"Just...just be careful, okay? Raph said, shuffling his feet. "Don't tickle him too much."

Older Raph glanced at him. "Wha? Why, will he sneeze or somethin'?"

On cue, Chompy let out a belch of flame into his face. Older Raph blinked, coughed, and graciously handed Chompy back to Raph, who smirked and then burst out laughing.

"Ya could've warned me he burps fire," Older Raph grumbled.

"It's funnier this way," Casey grinned.

* * *

Carefully tuning out the conversation between the Splinters and Karai, the two Leonardos went to the refrigerator to get cans of soda. A soft meowing came from the freezer.

Older Leo jolted upright and reached for a katana. "What...what's that?"

Leo shrugged nonchalantly. "Oh, that's just Ice Cream Kitty."

"Ice Cream...what?"

Leo just smiled, opened the door, and waved with a flourish at Kitty, who stuck her head out and mewed in Older Leo's face. "Uhhhh..." Older Leo tentatively stroked her head with a finger. Strawberry ice cream stuck to it, and he immediately sucked his finger, "Mmm! Strawberry!" Kitty mewed happily.

Leo giggled, then explained her origins.

"That's amazing," Older Leo said quietly. Then he reached out and she slid slowly into his arms. She cuddled into him. "She feels soft. Not as cold as I thought. Hello, sweetie, hi there..."

Leo grabbed the sodas as Older Leo's expression melted into tranquil joy and he began murmuring to the cat. He couldn't help the cheesy grin on his face. He'd remind himself to buy a tub of strawberry ice cream back home.

* * *

They each held an action figure, making them smash against each other in a lackluster way, until there was a loud feline growl.

"Okay, okay, enough." Gaia placed her hands on theirs. "Please, stop moping and figure something out. I'm not doing one-oh-one again."

"Nobody's asking you too," Mikey said, but offered a tiny smile. Her eyes narrowed even further.

"Sorry," Older Mike said, "I'm just not feeling well. Neither of us are."

"Not like I don't wanna bounce around getting all up in everyone's fun," Mikey added. "But now that I'm, like, all the way home…"

"It's hitting you hard, I know. I _know._ This is me you're talking to, Sunshine. Just…try. Please?"

He leaned sideways and butted her. "You're so good to me."

Older Mike bit his lip. "So. Yeah. Um. Like. I'll have to…take something every day, right?"

"Right. According to your Leo, Don and April probably could get you an anti-epileptic drug, if you don't want the herbal kind."

He shrugged, slumping. "But…"

"Well, deal with it." She shut her eyes, sighing. "Sorry. Sorry."

"I'm not being stubborn on purpose, you realize."

"Yeah, I do. But it's hard, seeing you…seeing a different version of him. Like this. In the white place, and the other place…"

"What did you call it, the syne-something?"

"The synesthesia plane. There, I told you all the things you'd need to expect. I know how difficult it is. I guess because I was born like this, I never needed to feel that sense of loss. I'm just confused. I'm sorry to snap at you." Gaia took his hand and smiled, her pupils widening kitten-like.

"Man, you're so cute when you do that," and Older Mike managed a broad smile.

Gaia leaned over and planted a heavy kiss on his mouth, making him startle. "You're cute when you exist, so we're even." And the blush on his face make Mikey giggle.

"So, like, I need food," Mikey said. "Should I leave you two to…y'know, talk?"

Gaia had leaned again, and she met his eyes. "Go on. We'll be meditating together."

"We will?" Older Mike asked in surprise.

"I didn't become the family psychologist for kicks and giggles. Go on, Sunshine. Say hi."

"I'll ask when I can come back!" and Mikey kissed her cheek, slapped his counterpart on the shoulder, and headed for the door.

When the door closed firmly behind them, Mike frowned. "I guess there are some things I still need to be taught."

Gaia blinked very slowly at him. "Yeah, some things. Just…come here. All will be revealed."

And before he could ask why she was being cryptic in that silly way, she had placed both hands on his cheeks, kissed him hard enough to send sparks through his body, pulled them flat on the bed, and pulled him deep into the astral plane.

* * *

Mikey skipped into the pit and found three of his favorite people. He vaulted over the back of the couch and landed next to older Don. "What're we talking about?"

"Hey, little one!" Older Don immediately grabbed him in a hug. "How are you feeling? How's my brother? Is Gaia treating him well? Is he recovering? Are you teaching him how to work with himself?"

Mikey squeezed him, physically and telekinetically, smiling widely. "My head still hurts but I'm awesome. Mike's gonna be okay with help. Gaia's meditating with him and there will prolly be some telepathic sexing. He'll get over his hurts. I'll always be teaching him."

Older Don pulled back a little. "Back up. Wait. What?"

The two Raphs and Casey wandered over, Older Raph cradling Chompy in both hands. "What's up?" he asked.

Older Don blinked. "I think our little brother is having astral plane sex as a therapeutic comfort exercise with Little Mikey's girlfriend?"

Older Raph blinked, expressionless, and shrugged. "Cool. Hey, check this out. It's an alien turtle puppy from a lava planet. Ain't it cute?" And Older Don melted into incoherent gibberish, which Chompy replied to, and the pair spent some time cooing and petting the critter as Raph stood by protectively.

"Leeeooo," Older Raph called out. "Get yer ass over here and play with this thing!"

Older Leo appeared, holding Ice Cream Kitty, who mewed and made Older Don squeak. Older Leo glanced at Chompy, yelled, and handed Kitty's cooler to Leo. He knelt at the couch, tentatively stroking Chompy. "You guys have the best pets ever," Older Don gasped. "Has Mike seen them?"

"Mikey's busy," Older Raph said, and smirked.

Leo just shrugged and sat down with the cooler. Kitty stretched out her neck and trilled. Chompy trilled back. The older turtles went back and forth, wide-eyed and tranquil. Cats and puppies indeed.

* * *

"So," Mike said, flat on his carapace, staring at the ceiling.

"So," Gaia said. "I think that crack looks like a spiderweb."

Mike burst out laughing. "Yeah."

He squeezed their joined hands. She purred even louder.

"Um," he said. "So, you do this often?"

"As therapy. It creates connections, it promotes relaxation and calm, it soothes excited emotions, it produces a good dose of needed neurochemicals." She turned her head and smiled at him. "How do you feel?"

"Tranquil," was the first word that popped into his head. "Satisfied. Satiated, even."

"Very good. I know it's…unorthodox, and unusual…"

He shrugged. "I've met a lot of alien races where sex is casual."

Gaia rolled into him, her hand on his plastron. "You're very casual."

He just hummed in agreement. "Thank you. For the stuff you showed me. Your memories. Mikey's way of handling it. It'll help. I will…try to not whine so much."

"Perfect." And Gaia sat up, pulling Mike with her. "Come on. We have some unbelievably adorable critters you need to spend time with!"

* * *

Older Mike, as predicted, became a giggling puddle on which Chompy Picasso and Ice Cream Kitty snuggled and purred. Older Don took pictures and video.

"Best. Day. Ever." And Older Mike sighed happily, which made Mikey sigh happily. He stood with an arm wrapped around Gaia, leaning on her, his headache slowly fading. Oh, he was home!

Gaia made a tiny noise and it sounded very wrong in his happy world. He glanced at her. "Kitten, you okay?"

Gaia hand a hand pressed to her forehead, and she looked sick. "I'm…okay. I'm okay. I just…"

She collapsed.

"Gaia?!" April screamed, turning pale.

Mikey crouched, cradling her, and when the tiny seizure tremors began he pressed his forehead to hers, to her cheek, whispering. His eyes grew wide and panicked. Minutes passed and he began to sob, "No, no, no no no no no no…"

April knelt over them, her face a mask of horror. "I can't find her. Mikey, can you find her? Something's blocking her!"

"S'okay," muttered, rocking on his heels. "It's okay, it'll be okay, it's gotta be okay, it can't be like this, it'll be okay, this'll be okay..." And color fled his skin and he was gasping for breath.

"Mikey!" April grabbed his arm and he jerked, a low keen erupting from his throat.

Both Donatellos surrounded them, running their hands over the cat-human, checking her vitals. Donnie looked up at Mikey, they shared a long look and Donnie began to breathe harshly. "Infirmary…now…now…status, she's gonna go into status!"

"What's that mean, what is status?" Older Raph was desperate and lost.

As Mikey and Donnie and April raced their patient away, Older Donnie looked desperately at the rest of them. "Status epilepticus. When a seizure doesn't stop, or there are multiple seizures without a rest period. It can be fatal."

Older Mike, cradling the pets in his arms, sat up, and looked absolutely horrified. "That…that can happen to anyone with epilepsy?"

Older Donnie was wringing his hands and making his way to the lab. It could lead to coma, or SUDEP, sudden unexpected death in epilepsy, it can happen anytime, anywhere…"

"Donnie?!" And Older Mike's hands were around his forearm, his breathing quick. "Donnie, tell me that I…"

There was screaming in the distance, and the two Splinters and Karai hurried in, and the pets were deposited carefully on the couch and Older Mike was stumbling toward the lab, as Older Leo caught him, as Older Don sprinted, and the voices were raised again, that familiar phrase "Cold Blue!" cutting through the air knife-like.

Older Mike looked over at his family, shaking, trembling hard, and launched himself into the lab.

* * *

 

"This isn't happening," Mikey whispered. "This isn't happening. I don't want this."

April was holding onto him, projecting waves of calm that she barely felt herself. Both Donnies were hovering over the medical bed, connecting IVs and gel pads as best they could into shaking limbs, counting and counting. Gaia's body was still trembling as if on a molecular level, her eyes half-open, face colorless, sweat sliding down her skin, flattening the fine tiny feline hairs.

The computer's monitoring was all over the place, heart rate and blood pressure and brainwaves, and Don and Donnie were yelling back and forth,

and the heart monitor went flat.

Michelangelo screamed.

April cried out.

Just outside the lab, the older Michelangelo fell to his knees and yelled.

"CLEAR," Older Don shrieked, preparing the defibrillator, the electric whine filling the atmosphere.

Mikey screamed again, screamed like his heart were being torn to pieces, on his knees.

There came a pulse, weak and shivering, and Mikey still screamed.

His eyes clouded and he reached out one hand. No one could move.

Seconds passed.

Gaia's body convulsed and jolted up, and her mouth opened wide. " _MIKEY!_ "

He scrambled to his feet and lunged, grabbing her like a lifeline. "Kitten, I'm here, you're back, you're okay, you're alive!"

They were sobbing, her pupils so wide there was barely any gold.

April got to her feet shakily, tears streaming down her face.

"Okay, she whispered, "it's okay."

Donnie spun around and stared at her. "What _happened?_ "

She breathed in deeply. "She…she was having small seizures over and over but there were no physical signs, not until she went down. I…in my mind, I counted over sixty."

"Sixty _seizures?_ " Older Don screeched, looking utterly terrified. "Sixty? That can _happen?_ "

The lab was crowded now. Older Mike was being supported by Older Leo. Mikey and Gaia were curled on the medical bed, clinging to each other, whimpering. She was whispering, "I'm sorry," over and over.

"Should we call her sister? Should we call Rhea?" Leo asked.

"Just…just wait," Older Mike panted, a hand in the air. "I can…feel them. She…Gaia wants to…ride it out…stubborn…be okay…oh my god, it…I felt…I felt what Mikey felt…I thought we were gonna die…"

"We?" Older Raph said in a strangled voice.

April climbed onto the bed and hugged Gaia from behind, which seemed to soothe both cat and turtle. The two Splinters came forward, and they both pressed hands to the heads of Mikey and Gaia. The teens slowly closed their eyes, drifting into sleep.

April took a deep breath. "We will need to wait a bit before you guys can go home. Gaia needs help open the portal."

Older Leo clenched his fists. "We'll wait. We'll wait forever."

They waited two days. They played games, they told stories, they patrolled the kids' surface world without either Mikey, who both watched Gaia sleep like the dead, and only took breaks for essentials.

In two days, Gaia awoke filled with apologies, and Older Mike carried her reverently out into the pit, where she gathered her power, linking it to Mikey and April. Both Donatellos gave her a full checkup. Mikey held her hand the entire time.

In the lab, Gaia and Mikey called up as much telekinetic power as they dared, and April anchored. Yoshi/Splinter and Splinter lent their spiritual powers, to ease the strain.

The portal opened easily. Gaia laughed in triumph.

The goodbyes were long and difficult. Older Raph nuzzled Chompy and Older Mike licked Ice Cream Kitty as much as she licked him. Hugs were bittersweet.

"I am sure we can try to open the portal again, later," Splinter told them. Yoshi nodded. "Your spiritual power is incredibly strong," he told the rat.

"We would like that," Gaia said softly, still pale and tired. Splinter gently drew her to him and nuzzled her.

They began. Yoshi stood in the center, flanked by April and Gaia. Mikey was at Gaia's side, preparing his own energy.

Gaia beckoned to Mike one last time. She reached up on tiptoes and kissed him deeply, then whispered in his ear. His eyes widened, and he nodded. She turned to Mikey and repeated it, and Mikey chuckled. Everyone else exchanged puzzled glances.

Mike took a deep breath. He repeated part of Gaia's message in his mind, and energy spread through his whole body, cooling, soothing, refreshing like oxygen. His aura reached out to his psionic friends and the portal blazed open, wider and stronger. He watched his family step through one by one.

Mikey and Gaia held his hands, and let go.

"You'll be all good, bro," Mikey said with confidence. "Treat yourself. Literally."

"We'll meet again," Gaia assured. "You always have a channel open now."

"I'll miss you," he rasped. "I'll miss a lot of things. It's been weird, guys. I've seen stranger things, but this is…nothing's ever been like this. Nothing ever will."

"It's a new adventure," Mikey nodded. "Good luck, Mike."

"Back at you, Mikey."

He stepped toward the portal and looked back, grinning widely. "See ya, kids."

The portal closed behind him.  
  
Mikey and Gaia exhaled deeply, shivering.

April, Splinter, and the turtles were there to catch the two when they slid to their knees.

* * *

Two months later…

Mike opened his eyes slowly, and the night sky looked back at him, equally cloudy.

The sound of harsh battle still rang in his ears and he remained completely still, running his spiritual energies over his physical body. Bruises, scrapes, a few long cuts here and there. The fight was nearly over. Whatever he had done just before the…it had taken down more than half the alien invaders, and the mothership still hovered.

A figure was standing over him. Donatello. Bo spinning wildly, nastily connecting with bodies. "You need to leave," he was growling, _growling_ in that low, intense way that Donnie growled when he was really _really angry._ "You don't want to find out what else my little brother could do to you."

There was rapid chittering and it sounded afraid. A translator bleeped, and a guttural voice said, "Fall back, all troops. Yes, I said fall _back._ Return to the ships. NOW."

Donnie's bo stopped spinning. Mike heard him say something else, but it was lost to the ringing in his head. He watched aliens in their armored suits run, activating teleporters, until none were left, and the giant ship in the sky whirred and lifted.

Donatello knelt beside him and pressed a hand to the side of his head. "Hey," he said softly. "You're awake."

Mike frowned at him "How…what…"

"You blasted everyone hard. Took yourself out in the process. Focus on me, Mikey."

He blinked hard, and Donnie's smile was so gentle. "It was pretty epic. It'll probably come back to you in a bit."

"Usually does." He managed a smile, or something like it. Donnie helped him sit up. Raph and Leo were there now, staring at him, staring into his eyes as if looking for something now familiar.

"You're okay?" Leo asked.

Mike nodded, although his head felt scooped out. "I'm already mending, I can feel it."

Raph helped him to his feet, pulling an arm across his shoulders. "Let's get home. It's not our job to clean all this up." He grinned. "You did good, little brother. Nobody was expecting that."

Mike grinned back. "I know, I'm awesome."  
  
All around them, military personnel arrived, and procedures began. Mike realized that the entire thing, from the initial sight of the mothership to the battle's end, lasted just a few hours. It surprised him. He couldn't even remember what he had  _done_ to them. Some sort of massive telekinetic blast intense enough to just...rip through everything? He'd recall it all soon enough, he'd been doing it a lot over the last couple of months, he'd been doing a lot of things. He did know that these particular creatures would know to never visit Earth again. He felt good about that. Righteous. He was a superhero!

In the lair, Splinter and April treated their injuries, and Mike did a quick easy meditation, piecing himself together, feeling the psionics flare and pool and spread, never depleted. He was used to the blackouts now, the headaches and rawness from using intense bursts too fast. It was worth it, when it solved the problem. His family knew what to do.

Leo draped a blanket around him and placed warm tea in his hands. Don ran a medical scanner over him. Raph sat with him and embraced him with one arm. Klunk jumped into his lap and settled.

Casey turned one of the television sets on, and cartoons filled the screen. Mike snuggled into his blanket, into Raph's arm, and smiled.

 _Be the sunshine heart,_ he reminded himself, that soft sweet message...and deep in his head, the energy swirled and pulsed and waited. It was, he thought, the best kind of healing.

* * *

Just say the word, we'll take on the world  
Just say you're hurt, we'll face the worst  
Oh

I can see, see the pain in your eyes  
Oh, believe, believe me and I have tried  
No, I won't, I won't pretend to know what you've been through  
You should know, I wish it was me, not you

And just say the word, we'll take on the world  
Just say you're hurt, we'll face the worst  
Nobody knows you the way that I know you  
Look in my eyes. I will never desert you.  
And just say the word, we'll take on the world

And it's the fight, and the fight of our lives  
You and I—we were made to thrive  
And I am your future, I am your past  
Never forget we were built to last  
Step out of the shadows and into my life  
Silence the voices that haunt you inside

And just say the word, we'll take on the world  
Just say you're hurt, we'll face the worst  
Nobody knows you the way that I know you  
Look in my eyes, I will never desert you.  
And just say the word, we'll take on the world, we'll take on the world

And nobody knows you the way that I know you  
And nobody knows you the way that I know you  
We'll fight, we'll crawl into the night  
Our world. We'll go with you by my side  
The calm, the storm, we'll face it all

And just say the word, we'll take on the world  
And nobody knows you the way that I know you  
Look in my eyes, I will never desert you.  
And just say the word, we'll take on the world, we'll take on the world

-You Me At Six, "Take On The World


End file.
